Harry Potter and the 2010 General Election

IT’S easy, what with Bigotgate and the TV debates, to forget the main story of the election campaign so far: news that Harry Potter books have been out-sold by the manifestos of the three main parties (Read More).

You’d think that saving the world from evil would be more than enough to keep Harry ahead of a few dodgy snake-oil salesmen, but, oh well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

In Harry Potter and the 2010 General Election, Gordon Brown takes the place of Mad-Eye Moody. That way his two-faced behaviour in Rochdale can be explained as the fault of the imposter Barty Crouch.

David Cameron is a ringer for Lucius Malfoy; pale-faced, true-born and mistrusted by the darkest forces on his own side, while Nick Clegg is Fluffy, the three-headed dog, because it’s so hard to tell which way the LibDem man will turn if there’s a hung-parliament after 6 May.

He Who Must Not Be Named is the Looming Cuts and the Dementors are the IMF, ready to suck out our credit-soaked souls. All that’s needed is a Harry Potter to see them all off. My vote goes to white witch of the north, Gillian Duffy.