Buzz Off

‘All creatures great and small’ is a noble thought, but surely his holiness should have drawn the line at wasps.

On the whole we’ve had a great summer, very convenient for the year of the ‘stay-cationer’. But venture outside to enjoy the sun and you’ll be harassed, chased and stung by the yellow and black fiend.

Experts say that the cold winter may have helped the wasps enjoy a bumper season as people kept their heating on much longer, meaning otherwise dormant nests were allowed to survive. The consequences can be horrendous. One pub in Southampton recently recorded the largest nest in fifty years; six foot by five foot and filled with half a million wasps.

I say it’s time for some Mao Zedong style eradication. While the great Chinese leader concentrated on flies (and large chunks of his own people), we should target the wasps.

“But they are God’s creatures too”, “They help pollination”, I hear you shriek. No problem, I have the perfect replacement; Bees. Bees rarely sting. If they do they’re dead. And bees create one of life’s true wonders; honey. Enough said.

Peter Clee