Super Sewage Smells Fishy

Let’s talk crap. “Currently 39 million tonnes of sewage discharge into the River Thames on average each year,” said a spokesperson for Thames Water, which wants to build a £3.9 billion SuperSewer, from Acton to Bermondsey, to sort it out.

The way they talk it’s as if we’re the modern version of Tudor types who bucketed their daily mess out the upstairs window onto hapless, hopefully not hatless, passers-by. All that sewage sounds bad, but the Thames is cleaner now than it has been for centuries. Who does the sewage actually harm?

“[It] causes significant environmental damage, killing fish, polluting the river for those who wish to use and enjoy it,” explained the TW spokesperson.

So, little fishies and rowers.

£3.9 billion would get you half a dozen new super-hospitals, more than a hundred new schools, thousands of new houses or the big toe of one Premiership footballer. In fact, according to the internet, you could buy 150 million stomach pumps for the polluted rowers, 10 billion trout to replace the dead ones, or even 300 million little trout stomach pumps.

Something smells fishy about this project and I think I’ve found the answer. One of the main tunnel sites is to be at Nine Elms, the same area as the new US Embassy. Both tunnel and Embassy are due to open around the same time. In other words, they’ve found a way to deal with those Guantanamo bay inmates. No shit.