What with the daft VIP lanes and the G4S debacle, the Olympics has had an iffy week, so yesterday’s news that the 2012 Games has helped on the jobs front was a welcome boost for under-the-cosh organisers.

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Unfortunately, experts say those jobs might well disappear when the show leaves town. Conclusion: don’t let the show leave town. All that needs to happen is for LOCOG to be a bit creative.

Turn the 100m into the 100 megametres (1 megametre = 1 million metres), make the infinity pool do what it says on the tin and change the closing ceremony into the will-this-never-stop ceremony, which probably wouldn’t take much adjustment, to be fair.

Reading between the lines, it looks like some of the athletes have already had their cards marked e.g. presumably because he knows he’s in for a long stay, Usain Bolt has ordered a new bed. Sleeping Beauty slept for a hundred years is all I’m saying.

Other athletes could be encouraged to apply for asylum on condition they stayed to work on the Olympic village and for any thinking of making a break for it, just let them try. What did you think all those extra troops were really for?