‘Where you have millions of people all crushed together on the Tube every day, it would become a breeding ground,” said virology expert Professor Nigel Dimmock, enjoying his moment of fame courtesy of the dreaded Swine Flu.


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Nice one if you want an excuse to take time off sick, but blaming the Tube is a bit obvious, so here are some other fun places to catch the porcine plague and trick your boss:

5. Phone Booths. Only tourists use them these days, but for all you know their last stop was Acapulco. Result.

4. Natural History Museum. Reckoned to be the most interactive museum in London. That means loads of lurgy fingers have touched those buttons before you.

3. The Emirates Stadium. London’s biggest club football ground is usually full on matchdays and therefore the place to be to find nasty infections… and that’s just the Arsenal fans LOL etc.

2. Whispering Gallery, St Paul’s Cathedral. Renowned for the way its dome makes sound travel, you can bet those sneaky germs like nothing better than bouncing off the curved surface from infected mouth to your lungs. Nice view a bonus.

1. The Mouths of Strangers. It’s all very well hoping some stray germ will hop down your gullet, but here’s your chance to be a slut with a purpose: you can’t beat a bit of proper mouth-to mouth action to increase your chances of landing a doctor’s certificate. email me if you need someone to start you off.