Londoner

Oona King

Good news for the London Mayor hopeful: she came out top of a poll yesterday, ahead of both Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson. Bad news is the survey for People with Voices had a sample of just 15. 'She's had more changes of policy than that,' said a Ken supporter.

Keira Knightley

Now a resident of the US, according to newly released official documents. The Pirates actress recently bought a Docklands houseboat, then said she was tired of London and next bought a place in France. Wins our Ants in the Pants of the week award.

Carla Weatherley

The wife of Tory MP Mike works as a £70 a time prostitute in south London, it has emerged. Wayne Rooney could have saved himself thousands if only he'd been interested in politics.

Katy Perry

Because she 'loves London' the Teenage Dream singer aims to apply for British citizenship. Behind the welcome flattery, Perry has an ulterior motive. 'Then I can just pass through customs real quick,' she says.

Crayfish v. Crayfish

Red swamp crayfish from America are on the attack against true-born white-clawed crayfish in Regent's Canal. The authorities are tackling the invader with the best weapon they have - research, to 'improve our understanding of how different species of crayfish will interact,' said Laura Cross of King's College London.

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty

She's asked him to move into her Camden home. 'Pals are worried,' said a source. Not half as worried as they will be when George Michael shows up after rehab.

Lily Allen

Declares herself 'heartbroken' at the Pakistan cricket betting scandal. 'If these allegations are true this is terribly disappointing,' Allen told her Twitter followers. 'It's the kids I feel sorry for.'

British Airways

Forced to apologise after an automated announcement on a flight from Heathrow to Hong Kong advised passengers: "This is an emergency. We may shortly need to make an emergency landing on water." Cabin crew immediately re-assured them that the message was false said the airline.

Asil Nadir

Who has returned to London from Cyprus to face a series of fraud charges related to the collapse of his Polly Peck business empire in the 1990s

Baby Cameron

PM David Cameron and his wife Samantha have announced the birth of their baby girl. Weighing in at 6lb, 1oz, infant and mother are doing well. They join the Blairs in the very rare club of Prime Ministerial families who have had babies while serving in Downing Street.

Tower 42

The office building - formerly known as the Nat West Tower - has been taken off the market by its current owners, who cited an inflow of funds that will help it improve the property.

William Gallas

The former Arsenal captain has reportedly agreed terms to join north London rivals Tottenham Hotspurs. Spurs boss Harry Redknapp said: "It's not like we would be signing Tony Adams. He's a good player and he would be a very useful addition to our squad."

Oona King

If Boris Johnson ever becomes Prime Mininster, "there would be a level of shame attached to our country that would be irredeemable" says his London Mayoral rival.

Operation Razorback

The Met's pre-Carnival crackdown netted three arrests following dawn raids on ten homes in Notting Hill, Ladbroke Grove and Fulham this morning. 72 people have been arrested and drugs and weapons seized since 2 August 2010 say police.

Ashley Cole

More Twitter trouble for the Chelsea footballer. His girlfriend Sarah Purnell told the world: 'The may fair hotel last night was tooo messy :) just woke up from last nights antics – lifes a flirt ;p xx.'