Londoner

Free Boris Bikes

They've pre-booked hire-bikes for visitors to the InterContinental London on Park Lane. 'We've broken down all barriers by making it absolutely free,' said the hotel's Alvaro Rey. Obviously you have to cough up for a room first, which is where LondonNet comes in.

Amy Winehouse

Made it up with producer Mark Ronson. 'Ronson I love you; that make it better? You know I love you- it's a jew thingz x whup rza,' she Twitted, after earlier saying, 'Ronson you're dead to me,' when he claimed credit for her music.

Vivienne Westwood

The legendary designer has put out a message the clothes companies behind London Fashion Week possibly don't want to hear. 'Buy less,' she said. 'Don't buy anything new for six months and recycle your clothes.'

Sacha Baron Cohen

The Ali G and Borat creator is to star as Freddie Mercury in a film about Queen. Until it comes out, we'll have to make do with We Will Rock You.

George Michael

Fellow inmates sang 'Guilty George has got no freedom' to the tune of Careless Whisper as a welcome to the Wham! man's time in Pentonville prison.

Pickpockets

'You've got to pick a pocket or two,' sang Oliver Twists's pal, the Artful Dodger, and it seems his descendants are still at it: London is ranked tenth worst city in the world for the crime in a new survey by TripAdvisor.

George Michael

Sentenced to eight weeks in prison for driving under the influence of drugs, cannabis in this case. The former Wham! singer admitted he had "spaced out" in his Range Rover in Hampstead.

George Michael

In court today for sentencing over his drug-driving case. The judge has already hinted that the former Wham! singer could do jail time.

Kylie Minogue

Has bought a £5M house on the same South Kensington street, Drayton Gardens, on which she's selling her £4M flat. 'Kylie has spoken about wanting to start a family,' said a source.

Boris Johnson

New model headbanger BJ is to run for London Mayor in 2012. He said he wants to 'knock speculation on the head' about his intentions and that he has 'more chance of being decapitated by a frisbee' than becoming Prime Minister. Ouch to both.

London's Moby Dick

The remains of a 17m long, late 18th century whale have been found on the banks of the Thames at Greenwich. Valued for their oil and bones, whales were once big business in London. In 2010 money, this one would have been worth £400,000.

Oona King

Good news for the London Mayor hopeful: she came out top of a poll yesterday, ahead of both Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson. Bad news is the survey for People with Voices had a sample of just 15. 'She's had more changes of policy than that,' said a Ken supporter.

Keira Knightley

Now a resident of the US, according to newly released official documents. The Pirates actress recently bought a Docklands houseboat, then said she was tired of London and next bought a place in France. Wins our Ants in the Pants of the week award.

Carla Weatherley

The wife of Tory MP Mike works as a £70 a time prostitute in south London, it has emerged. Wayne Rooney could have saved himself thousands if only he'd been interested in politics.

Katy Perry

Because she 'loves London' the Teenage Dream singer aims to apply for British citizenship. Behind the welcome flattery, Perry has an ulterior motive. 'Then I can just pass through customs real quick,' she says.