Londoner

Beyonce

Tickets for the songstress's six nights at the O2 next year are now on sale. Beyonce plays the Greenwich dome from 28 February - 6 March. Meanwhile, watch her fruity video for Drunk in Love here.

British Library

The St Pancras institution has released to flickr over a million of its images, featuring colonial era photos and drawings, including a 'typical' American student in 1894 with 'stooping head, flat chest and emaciated limbs'.

James Bond

The shaken-not-shtirred secret agent is an impotent alcoholic, according to doctors who have worked out Bond's drinking levels to be five vodka-martinis a day. 'We would advise Bond to be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake,' the doctors told the British Medical Journal.

Timothy West

To play Stan Carter, the grumpy dad of Danny Dyer's new character in EastEnders. West had a recent, short stint in Coronation Street before his character was killed off. EastEnders Producers said West would bring 'Dickensian magic to the screen'.

Boris Bikes

Sponsor Barclays are to pull out of the hire scheme. 'Barclays have received immense benefits from publicity given to the cycle hire scheme, but now that its performance is looking shaky they appear to be bailing out,' said one London politician.

Tulisa Contostavlos

Charged in connection with supplying cocaine after the Crown Prosecution Service found 'sufficient evidence for a realistic prospect of conviction'. The 'White Christmas' trial of the N-Dubz star starts a week on Thursday, 19 December.

Lady Gaga

Decided that the best outfit for a London winter is a see-through bra-knicker twin-set. To be fair, she did cover her nipples with stickers and kept her head warm with the biggest of big hair styles.

Christmas Pudding

Covent Garden is the venue for the annual Christmas Pudding Race on Saturday (07.12.13) when teams of people dressed as the seasonal dessert run around the old market in aid of charity. Races start just after midday.

Olympicopolis

That's the tongue-twister of a name for the new university quarter planned for the Olympic Park by Boris Johnson. Featuring departments from University College London and the Victoria & Albert Museum, Olympicopolis is predicted to create 10,000 jobs.

The £300 Ready Meal

Made out of caviar, salmon, champagne, oysters, lobster and truffles, the Swish Pie is yours for only £314.16. To be fair, delivery is free. 'We went all out using the most exclusive ingredients,' said ready meals boss Charlie Bigham.

Robbie Williams

The Take That star has snapped up the Holland Park house owned by film director Sir Michael Winner for £17.5 million, despite earlier complaining of 'astronomical' London property prices. To be fair, the 46-room mansion had been on the market for £60 million.

Tube Travellers' Body Heat

The sometimes unbearable heat created by masses of Northern Line passengers is to be converted into usable energy for 500 homes in Islington, part of the EU's CELSIUS project.

Monty Python

The reformed comedy gang have added five more nights to their stint at the O2 next July. 'The response to our planned reunion has been very, very silly," said John Cleese. Tickets go on sale tomorrow (29.11.13), though it's still worth trying here for the original shows for 1-4 July.

Sir Elton John

The Rocket Man has called for the mass slaughter of reality TV contestants. 'With reality television, you get all these nightmare people who want to be successful, when you really want them to be assassinated,' he told the BBC.

Westfield

London is to get its third Westfield mega-mall, this time in Croydon, on the site of the Whitgift centre, which was one of London's first modern shopping malls, not that it was called that back in 1968 when it opened.