Happy-Go-Lucky. Momentum Pictures

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Happy-Go-Lucky (15)

Happy-Go-Lucky. Momentum PicturesWith award-winning films like Vera Drake, All Or Nothing, Secrets & Lies and Naked, Mike Leigh has cultivated a reputation as a writer-director who loves the company of misery...
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St Paul's Cathedral

St Paul's Cathedral. Photo Credit: Kieran Lynam. C.C.License.Christopher Wren completed his masterpiece in 1711. It was hailed as the world's first Protestant cathedral and to this day dominates much of the City's skyline. Towering above many of today's young pretenders it is eclipsed by only a few monoliths such as the NatWest Tower. Inside it houses Flaxman's Nelson memorial and Steven's Duke of Wellington monument.
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Top Attraction Sellers:
(03/04/08 - 16/04/08)

1. London Eye
2. Vanity Fair Portraits: Photographs 1913-2008, National Portrait Gallery
3. Madame Tussauds
3. The Mighty Boosh
5. Summer Opening of the State Rooms at Buckingham Palace


Cor Blimey, Thank Fxxk for Barney

Swearing isn't big and it isn't clever, but just occasionally it can be rip-roaringly funny. I'm not talking about the stand-up comedian mouthing off at his audience; I'd rather he stuck to witty observation, thank you.

No, for foul language to be funny you need context. When I was eleven my female biology teacher had the onerous task of teaching our pre-pubescent all-boy class the facts of life. Pointing to a carefully drawn phallus on the blackboard she asked for the correct name of this vital organ, warning us that she didn't want any playground language. Thirty-two boys quivered with the silent giggles, before one brave soul raised his hand tentatively. "Cock," he ventured. "Get Out" was the swift reply.

So following a week of further economic meltdown, it came as welcome relief to hear that LondonNet's favourite parrot, Barney the Macaw is back in the news. You may remember Barney. A few years ago he hit the headlines for telling a mayoress to "f**k off". Not content with raising a blush from the visiting dignitary he rounded on an accompanying vicar and two police officers adding, "You can f**k off too, w*****s."

In an effort to stem this torrent of obscenities the seven-year-old blue and gold macaw was placed in the hands of a language specialist for re-training. The plan has spectacularly backfired.

Exacerbated Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary owner Geoff Grewcock has revealed that instead of cleaning up his act, Barney has been busy teaching the other birds his full repertoire of blue language. "It sounds like a builders' yard, with all the abuse flying about."

"They just sit there swearing at each other now," says Geoff. "Their favourite words are f**k off, b******s and t**s."

"These birds can live until they are 70 so there are potentially another 60 years of this to contend with."

If Nuneaton has had enough of these winged wonders, may I suggest they be set free in south London's vibrant wild parrot colony? Who knows - in a couple of years there could be thousands of these sweary gems among us.

- Peter Clee


See below for what's currently happening in and around London:
Theatre | Music | Classical | Cinema


Oliver! - Theatre Royal Drury Lane

Oliver! - Theatre Royal Drury LaneThe new production at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane promises to be even more spectacular than ever before, starring Rowan Atkinson as Fagin, a cast and orchestra of over one hundred and an exciting new Nancy and Oliver...
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Top Theatre Sellers:
(03/04/08 - 16/04/08)

1. High School Musical on stage
2. Disney's The Lion King
3. Grease
4. Wicked
5. The Vortex

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Discount Theatre Tickets
Dinner and Show Packages


Get Loaded in the Park - Clapham Common

Get Loaded in the Park - Clapham CommonReturning for its 5th year of indie-crazed-rock and electro-jackin-dance, Get Loaded in the Park swaggers back into town on Bank Holiday Sunday 24th August 2007 for another epic encounter on the capital's finest field - Clapham Common. This year's headliner is Iggy & The Stooges...
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Top Music Sellers:
(03/04/08 - 16/04/08)

1. Kid Rock
2. Duran Duran
3. O2 Wireless
4. R.E.M.
5. Iron maiden

Classical and Dance

Manon - The Coliseum

Manon - The ColiseumManon is arguably Kenneth MacMillan's masterpiece. Innocent girl or femme fatale, Manon is young, beautiful and naive, and she is in love. Caught between two men vying for her affection, Manon becomes entangled in a web of passion, love and vanity, unable to choose...
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Top Classical and Dance Sellers:
(03/04/08 - 16/04/08)

1. Cirque du Soleil - Delirium
2. The Sleeping Beauty
3. Afrika! Afrika!
4. The Merry Widow
5. Der Rosenkavalier


Blockbuster of the Week - Flashbacks Of A Fool (15)

Flashbacks of a Fool. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures UK
Drama (2008) 113mins UK
Starring: Daniel Craig, Harry Eden, Olivia Williams
Once the golden boy of Hollywood, handsome actor Joe Scot has slowly but surely fallen out of public favour, seduced by the hedonistic lifestyle of sex, drugs and booze and the trappings of his oversized, opulent Malibu mansion...
Showing at these cinemas

Critics' Choice of the Week - Happy-Go-Lucky (15)

Scott (EDDIE MARSAN)and Poppy (SALLY HAWKINS) in Mike Leigh's HAPPY-GO-LUCKY. Momentum Pictures
Drama (2008) 118mins UK
Starring: Sally Hawkins, Eddie Marsan, Alexis Zegerman
Perennially perky primary school teacher Poppy refuses to let life get her down, rising above the misery and cynicism of the capital and its weary inhabitants. Poppy meets her match in misanthropic driving instructor Scott...
Showing at these cinemas

Comedy of the Week - Fool's Gold (12A)

Comedy (2008) 112mins US
Starring: Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey
On the day he is due to complete his divorce from his long-suffering wife Tess, treasure hunter Ben "Finn" Finnegan discovers evidence of a legendary, 18th-century sunken booty called The Queen's Dowry...
Showing at these cinemas

See Also:
A-Z of London Films
A-Z of London Cinemas
Top 10 Movies
New Films This Week
Forthcoming Releases


Southland Tales Competition

Southland CompetitionWriter and director Richard Kelly's debut feature film Donnie Darko grew from cult status into a phenomenal smash hit when released on DVD. And DVD is the perfect way to experience his new film, as its multi-layered story demands repeat viewings and the crystal clear picture and awesome sound quality will further heighten the impact of the outstanding special effects and excellent soundtrack that includes music specially composed for the film by Moby. The film will be accompanied by the insightful documentary that runs for over 30 minutes, USIdent TV - Survielling the Southland (The Making of Southland Tales).

Similar to Kelly's groundbreaking, unconventional debut feature, SOUTHLAND TALES is a multilayered vision which defies categorisation. A visceral experience, with stunning production values, special effects and a heavy nod to pop culture, the film is part dark comedy, part sci-fi, part thriller, part fairy tale, and even part musical and it is the singular vision of one man.

Los Angeles, 2008: The city stands on the brink of social, economic and environmental disaster. Southland Tales is an epic story narrated by Iraq veteran Private Pilot Abilene (Justin Timberlake) and is set over the course of three days centered in Los Angeles that culminate in an apocalyptic 4th July climax. Together with Abilene (Timberlake), the large ensemble cast of characters includes Boxer Santaros (Dwayne Johnson), an action star stricken with amnesia, Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar), an adult film star developing her own reality television project, and Roland Taverner (Seann William Scott), a Hermosa Beach police officer who holds the key to a vast conspiracy.

Buy Southland Tales at Amazon >>

For a chance to win one of three copies of Southland Tales on DVD, answer the following question:
Sarah Michelle Gellar is famous for playing in which of the following TV series?
a. Melrose Place
b. Beverly Hills 90210
c. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Closing Date: Thursday 24 April 2008, Noon

How to Enter:
- Send an email with the correct answer to [email protected], with the subject "Southland Tales Competition"
- NB MUST include name, date of birth, email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie only - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!

More Necessary Info:
- NB MUST include name, email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie only - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!
- First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize.
- Details will be sent to the winner.
- LondonNet is not responsible for prize distribution.
- The Editor's decision is final.
- There is no cash alternative.

More Competitions >>

London Accommodations

4 of the Best

The Metropolitan - Park Lane (5* Hotel)The Metropolitan - Park Lane (5* Hotel)
A hotel that combines cool looks and cosseting service with a contemporary mindset. Floor-to-ceiling windows look out over a glittering skyline, while the city's best bar and restaurant are in the very same building. Ideal for those seeking to be at the centre of the action.
Check availability and book online

Dolphin Square Hotel - Chichester Street (4* Hotel)Dolphin Square Hotel - Chichester Street (4* Hotel)
Dolphin Square Hotel is situated in a large private garden close to the River Thames and the bustling streets of Westminster. Dolphin Square Hotel is an ideal base from which to explore the many interesting streets in this refined part of the capital.
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Bonnington Hotel - Bloomsbury (3* Hotel)Bonnington Hotel - Bloomsbury (3* Hotel)
Bonnington Hotel, located in historic Bloomsbury, is a family-run hotel with a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. Within walking distance from the hotel you'll find the trendy bars, caf?s and restaurants of Soho, and the popular shopping areas of Tottenham Court Road and Oxford Street are also close by.
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Swinton Hotel - King's Cross (2* Hotel)Swinton Hotel - King's Cross (2* Hotel)
Swinton Hotel is a small budget hotel, located right in the heart of the capital in King’s Cross. Popular with students, backpackers and families travelling on a budget, this friendly hotel offers bed and breakfast accommodation in a range of basic but comfortably furnished rooms.
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3 Accommodation Deals

Vancouver Studios - Bayswater (3* Apartment)Vancouver Studios - Bayswater (3* Apartment)
Vancouver Studios are modern, comfortable apartment studios, situated in London?s Bayswater area. These fully equipped studio apartments are ideal for both families and those on business, offering the privacy of a private apartment and all the modern amenities of a hotel.
Check availability and book online

Boulevard Hotel - Paddington (Bed and Breakfast)Boulevard Hotel - Paddington (Bed and Breakfast)
Boulevard Hotel is a comfortable and centrally located hotel. Close to Paddington mainline and underground station, Boulevard Hotel is within easy reach of a number of popular tourist destinations.
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Generator Hostel - Bloomsbury (Hostel)Generator Hostel - Bloomsbury (Hostel)
One of London's largest hostels. Within walking distance of Generator Hostel you will find a multitude of bars, restaurants and clubs in Leicester Square, Covent Garden and Piccadilly Circus.
Check availability and book online
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Top Hotel Sellers
(03/04/08 - 16/04/08)

1. Shaftesbury Premier Paddington - Paddington (4* Hotel)
2. President Hotel London - Bloomsbury (3* Hotel)
3. Holly House Hotel London - Victoria (Budget Rooms)
4. Access Apartments City - The City (Budget Apartment)
5. Shellbourne Hotel - Earls Court (3* Hotel)

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