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Fill
out our survey, and enter to win tickets to Diamonds: The
World's Most Dazzling Exhibition, at the Natural History Museum.
Click
here for more info...
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Slapstick
Weather
To
the shady safety of the cafe this morning where I was witness to a
series of unfortuante events involving the weather and its cruel
tendency towards sudden changes of intent. Since cruelty is the
mother of wit, I now believe our infamous changeable climate and
our legendary sense of humour are inextricably linked. Enough of
the theory nonsense, here's my Top Ten Best Ever Comedy Weather
Moments:
1.
Dry Cleaners' Delight. Unforeseen rain on hard ground, smart linen
suit, important meeting, wheeeee, boing!
2.
Shades of Icarus. Cool guy in Raybans looks daft under dark cloud
cover. Now we know they're prescription glasses, four-eyes.
3. It's Like This, Cat. Felix sleeping in the sun gets unasked-for
shower, skulks off, head hung low. The only time you'll ever see
that smug devil embarrassed.
4. The Good Samaritan. Beggar finally fed up with lack of Christmas
cheer from his patrons redistributes his wealth of snowballs at
them. To give is to receive.
5. Ice, Ice, Baby. Post-natally depressed mum sends infant-contaning
pushchair for skating lessons. Suck on that, sweetheart.
6. The Mary Poppins. Those umbrellas make excellent impromptu flying-machines.
Shame granny never took the lesson for landing.
7. Magic Bus. Long queue, puddles in the road, driver unable to
resist temptation. Extra points for refusal of sodden travel cards.
8. The Squealing Schoolgirl. Gaggle of lightly-dressed language
students on an outing learn the lesson the hard way, the wet way.
Welcome to Britain, now keep the noise down.
9. Smoke Alarm. Nicotine addict won't let a little rain ruin his
vice, holes up in a phone-box, box gets steamed up, some dry joker
in a nearby cafe calls the terrorist squad.
10. Olympic Record. Next month, Trafalgar Square, thousands turn
up for the public broadcast of the result of the bidding process.
Come on, it writes itself.
David
Clee
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| Theatre |
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Guys
and Dolls
Picadilly
Straight off the starship, Ewan McGregor stars in the
classic tale of Broadway. Gambling, singing and dancing
were the crux of Damon Runyon's New York. It's award-winning
score, including Luck Be A Lady Tonight, and the summer
heat will surely set the stage on fire. Get tickets
now, because they're selling quickly...
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Open
Air Theatre
Regents Park
The promise of sunshine, a bit of fresh air, and perhaps
an intermission ice cream kicks off the Open Air Theatre
season, at Regent's Park. On the bill for this summer
are Twelfth Night, Cymbeline, HMS Pinafore, the ever-summer-classic
Wind In The Willows, plus more concerts and comedy.
Don't miss your chance to get out of the theatre!
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| Music |
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Summer
Nights Open Air Concert Series
Various UK locations
Summer 2005
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Summer Nights Open Air Concert Series
comes to stages around England all through out the summer.
Included on the bill are Will Young, Van Morrison, Meatloaf,
Ronan Keating and more.
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Get
Loaded in the Park
28 August
Clapham Common
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Snow Patrol, Fat Boy Slim, Happy Mondays
Stereo MCs, The Farm, Flowered Up, Armand Van Helden,
Elbow (DJ set), Junior Boys Own Soundsystem featuring
Farley & Heller, Rocky & Diesel, Guilty Pleasures, The
Comedy Store, An Audience with Howard Marks, Mani, Clint
Boon, Annie Mac and more grace Clapham Common for August
bank holiday...
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Eminem
& 50 Cent
9 September 2005
Milton Keynes
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Eminem & 50 Cent bring their co-rapper
fury to Milton Keynes in September, at the height of
their Anger Management Tour 3. The duo romp through
the US before hitting-up UK soil, and is said to be
the biggest rap show of the year.
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| Cinema |
| LondonNet
Blockbuster of the Week |
 Kung
Fu Hustle (15)
Action (2004) 98mins (with subtitles) HK/Chi
Director: Stephen Chow Starring: Stephen Chow,
Kwok Kuen Chan, Xiaogang Feng
In 1940s Shanghai, the dreaded Axe Gang holds
sway. Lowlife criminal Sing and his overweight
sidekick pose as members of the gang to try to
extort money from the residents of Pig Sty Alley.
Unfortunately for the hapless con men, the locals
aren't helpless at all. Soon, the real Axe Gang
turns up and a bloodbath seems inevitable, until
three residents - the noodle shop owner, the tailor
and a labourer - are exposed as legendary martial
arts experts. Thus begins a titanic battle between
good and evil.
 Showing
at these cinemas...
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| Critic's Choice of the Week |
|
 Torremolinos
73 Comedy (2003) 91mins (with subtitles)
Sp/Den Director: Pablo Berger Starring: Javier
Camara, Candela Pena, Juan Diego
Struggling door-to-door encyclopaedia salesman
Alfredo Lopez and his wife Carmen agree to participate
in a
series of instructional Super-8 sex films,
subsequently unlocking hitherto untapped talents.Showing
at these cinemas...
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| Turkey
of the Week |
 A
Lot Like Love
(12A) Romance (2005) 107mins US Director:
Nigel Cole Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet
College graduate Oliver Geary is waiting to board
a flight bound for New York when he sees fellow
passenger Emily Friehl. It's lust at first sight,
which is duly consummated at 30,000 feet. The
two strangers spend 24 hours together in New York,
then separate. Three years later, on New Year's
Eve, Emily calls Oliver...
Showing
at these cinemas...
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| Comedy |
|
The
Comedy Store London's most popular comedy club
has been splitting sides for twenty two years now. The
likes of Paul Merton, Jack Dee and Jo Brand have all
taken to the stage here. Click
here for more info...
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| Clubs |
|
Clubs
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Purchase
club tickets via our online service,
and at most venues you'll be able to jump
the ticket queue. Venues featured include:
- Fabric
- The End
- Borderline
- The Cross
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| Accomodation Deals |
Hotels:
Lincoln
House *** (Marble Arch)
Built at the end of the 18th Century, in the time of King
George III, the Lincoln House Hotel offers Georgian charm
with modern comforts. Special Offer: 26-27 June, book a
single for UKP55, and a double for only UKP79! Click
here to book now!
|
|
 Bed
and Breakfasts:
Cordova
House Hotel (Lancaster Gate)
Cordova Hotel is situated in the central Bayswater area, just
a short walk away from Lancaster Gate and Paddington stations.
You'll find plenty to explore right on your doorstep.
Single - UKP59.78
Triple - UKP72.67
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 Budget:
Abbey
Lodge (Grange Park)
Intimate in size and generous in terms of service and value
for money, the Abbey Lodge, redecorated in 2004, is a great
little hotel with quick connections to central London and
Heathrow Airport.
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Flatshares:
Free
updates of available rooms/tenants in your area.
|
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| Four of the Best |
|
 The
Milestone Hotel *****(Kensington)
The Mileston is a triumphantly, sumptuously, extravagantly
luxurious establishment of the most maximilist order. Dutch
revival architecture houses a hotel that has recently been
subject to a UKP5 million refurbishment.
Double - From UKP229; Suite from UKP450.
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 The
Gore ****(Kensington Gore)
The Gore offers old fashioned comfort with up-to-date facilities
and is justly famous for its mellow surroundings and intelligent,
friendly staff. The Gore is located near Hyde Park and Kensington
Gardens.
Single - UKP136 (Inclusive of VAT)
Double - UKP168.03 (Inclusive of VAT)
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 The
Willett ***(Sloane Square)
The Willett is a dignified Victorian hotel with the ornate
carvings, mosaics and chandeliers to prove it. It has also
moved fast enough with the times to have attracted a long
list of regulars, while its rooms retain the spirit of old.
Double - UKP90
Deluxe - UKP110
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 The
Chelsea Lodge (Budget) (The Strand)
A great little hotel over one of west London's restaurants,
the Chelsea Lodge scores highly for value for money, location
and efficiency of service.
UKP46 - 69
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| London Hotel Chart |
|
Top
Sellers
(9
- 17 Jun 2005)
1) Columbia
2) The
Willett
3) Chelsea
Lodge
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| Featured Worldwide Hotel: |
|
 The
Annabelle Hotel *****
Paphos, Cyprus
This family run hotel takes advantage of year round Mediterranean
sunshine to offer a wide range of sports including tennis
and scuba diving. The balcony offers the perfect setting for
an al fresco lunch.
Click here for more worldwide
hotels...
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| Sweet Chap Competition |
|
 Will
Young - the self-hailed O.G. Pop Idol - has returned from
a twelve month haitus with a new album and a slew of top-end
musical performances.
LondonNet is offering you a pair of tickets
to see the soul-wonderboy during his appearance at this year's
Summer
Nights Festival, at Leeds
Castle, on Sunday 10th July, 2005.
All you have to do? Answer the following question?
Question: Will calls himself the "O.G.
Pop Idol." What does the phrase "O.G." stand
for? (Hint: hover over the photo at left, or click
here)
How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to
"WillYoungCompie@londonnet.co.uk"
More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number
and postal address (which will only be used for this compie
- guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't
send you info about the prize! First correct answers out of
the Editor's hat win the prizes, details will be sent to the
winner; LondonNet is not responsible for prize distribution.
The Editor's decision is final.
Closing Date: Noon, Friday 1 July,
2005
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Dear LondonNet,
What do you think the conclusion will be once the Princess
Diana's inquest is finalised?
- Dennis
Dear Dennis,
While we can't claim to read the minds of the Surrey Coroners,
we do know that many of our readers are following closely
the conspiracies and inquest into Diana's death. Read
about the inquest here, or follow up with more
Diana conspiracies on LondonNet!
- LondonNet
LETTERS NOTES
The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions
for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness.
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your
visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.
Email: ahoy-talkback@londonnet.co.uk
to submit.
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Copyright 1996-2005. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by LondonNet Limited.All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole, or in part, without the express written consent of the publisher. Registered Address: LondonNet, Hoppingwood Farm, Robin Hood Way, London, SW20 0AB  |
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