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Demonic head, thirteenth-fourteenth century, Sengim, Small Stupa, Xinjiang, China. Unfired clay, coloured. Height 30 cm. Staatliche Museen zu Berlin, Preubischer Kulturbesitz, Museum fur Indische Kunst. Photo Iris Papadopoulos

Meeting the Turks - Get to know the Turks with free tickets to the RAA exhibit. Details, below...

London Eye at night.

2005 London Eye Flights - No booking fee for all London Eye tickets sold on LondonNet!
Buy Tickets!

Top Attraction Sellers
(4 Mar - 16 Mar 2005)

1) London Eye

2) Caravaggio: The Final Years

3)Madame Tussaud's
4) London Dungeon
5) Turks: A Journey of a Thousand Years
Taxi for Taxi TV

Traditional black cabs will now offer television programming, from screens in the back.  Photo:  Harper Smith. DRIVERS of black cabs are to be given training in marriage guidance counselling. Okay, that's not quite true, but it is the logical and inevitable next step following the announcement this week that thousands of London's taxis are to be kitted out with TVs for the amusement of bored passengers.

The channels on offer will feature news, sport, music and fashion - a highly combustible combination cleverly designed to provoke intra-couple rows and quickie divorces.

The scene is set for countless re-runs of The Royle Family only in highly concentrated form as cab journeys are usually short, often fuelled by alcohol and there is no escape to the kitchen, pub or toilet.

For cabbies, the resulting problem is twofold: how to keep the atmosphere sweet in order to garner a tip at journey's end and how to mend the TV screen after it has felt the force of an anger-filled size nine.

Probably the best bet when confronted by likely-looking couples is to say the TV is broken. That way, cabbies still get the UKP750 a year fee from TV company Cabvision and couples get to do what they do best - unite in trivial complaint, thereby avoiding the divorce courts and ensuring hefty sympathy tips for luckless cabbies forced to work in intolerable conditions.

David Clee


Vagina Monologues
Opens April 7, 2005
Eve Ensler's hit play strings together a series of monologues, all performed by women, that deal with issues surrounding the titular organ and, more generally, womanhood. Although the monologues all ultimately convey a message of empowerment and liberation, the issues explored are manifold and complex. Sharon & Aimee Osbourne, Naomi Harris and Jenny Eclair star in this production. -AB
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Sharon Osborne is to star in the Wyndham's production of the Vagina Monologues, alongside her daughter Aimee and Naomi Harris.

Arts Theatre, West End
17 February – 26 March
Tynan is an evocative one-man biographical spectacle starring Colin Redgrave that documents what was the frequently turbulent life of late theatre critic Kenneth Tynan, based on his diaries. Tynan was much mythologized during his lifetime, and Richard Nelson and Colin Chambers’s script at once maintains the myth and humanises the man. -AB
Order Tickets* £25 tickets reduced to £15
* all performances until 26 March excluding Saturday evenings

Colin Redgrave in the Arts Theatre production of Tynan. Photo: Ellie Kurttz.
John Owen-Jones (The Phantom), Rachel Barrell (Christine) in Phantom of the Opera. Photo: Clive Barda.

Top Theatre Sellers
(4 Mar - 16 Mar 2005)

1) Phantom of the Opera
2) Blood Brothers
3) Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
4) A Life in the Theatre
5) Les Miserables


Previews by Ashley Brown

Wireless Festival, Hyde Park
Wed. 29 June 2005

The sweeping balladeers, whom have been compared to fellow purveyors of histrionic pop Coldplay and Soundtrack of Our Lives, scored a major hit in 2004 with the ubiquitous “Somewhere Only We Know” and are set to claim the throne of U.K.’s biggest pop exports with a new worldwide tour.
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Keane, who will appear in this summer's O2 Wireless Festival in Hyde Park.

New Order
Wireless Festival, Hyde Park
Wed. 29 June 2005

With their characteristic icy, hook-laden synth-pop that bridged the gap between eighties dance-centric glam and Joy Division’s industrial murkiness in the 80s, thinking man’s new-wavers and Factory Record’s most successful and long-lived outfit, New Order, are returning for a stint at the Wireless Festival after a lengthy 90s hiatus.
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New Order will also appear at this summer's Wireless Festival, in Hyde Park.

Basement Jaxx
Wireless Festival, Hyde Park
Sat. 25 June 2005

Simon Ratcliffe and Felix Buton, the much-renowned and adored purveyors of dirty, pulsating house music under the Basement Jaxx alias, have been regularly releasing dance classics for more than a decade on their own label, Atlantic Jaxx. They’ve also re-mixed rabidly for some of the biggest names in the genre, including Pet Shop Boys and Roger Sanchez.
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Dirty house dj's Basement Jaxx are another band to grace the stage at this summer's O2 Wireless Festival, in Hyde Park.
Nas sings at the MTV Music Awards. His UK tour sees him at the Brixton Academy on 21 March.

Top Rock & Pop Sellers
(4 Mar - 16 Mar 2005)

1) Van Morrison
2) Tony Bennet
3) Al Green
4) Fozzy
5) Nas


Cathcart Spring Prom
Royal Albert Hall
Thu May 19 2005
Jonathan Scott and the Opera Babes are this year’s Cathcart Prom stars, along with a new concerto penned by composer Paul Hart for organ with orchestra. The Royal Philharmonic will fulfil the latter, creating the sort of breathtaking grandeur for which the ten-year running Prom is known.
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The Opera Babes, shown here at last year's Cathcart Spring Prom, will make a much-demanded reappearance at this year's Prom.

Agnes Oaks and Thomas Edur:  Mixed Programme.  Photo: Sasha Gusov.

Top Classical Sellers
(4 Mar - 16 Mar 2005)

1) Proms 2005
2) Sezen Aksu
3) Madama Butterfly


LondonNet Blockbuster of the Week

Constantine (15)
Action (2005) 120mins US
Director: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Djimon Hounsou
John Constantine is the black sheep of the hero world. After he attempted suicide because of his hated gift - seeing demons and angels - he's been sent back to patrol the earth between heaven and hell: Los Angeles. After a vision connects him with the murder of LA Detective Angela Dodson's twin sister, he soon finds himself wrapped inside a great scheme to upset the balance between hell and heaven, and Constantine must find a way to foil the plan before creation falls.

Keanu Reeves as Constantine. Copyright & TM Warner Bros 2005.
Click for full review...
Showing at these cinemas...

LondonNet Critic's Choice of the Week

5 X 2: Cinq Fois Deux (Five Times Two) (15)
Drama (2004) 90mins (with subtitles) Fr
Director: Francois Ozon
Starring: Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi, Stephane Freiss, Geraldine Pailhas
Marion and her husband Gilles reluctantly sign their divorce papers, drawing a line under their turbulent marriage. Soon after, they share one final moment in bed together - a celebratory sexual dalliance to effectively sever all emotional ties. In reverse chronological order, we witness the events leading up to the dissolution of the marriage, including their wedding night and a dinner party at which tensions begin to surface. Sifting through the debris and recriminations, Marion and Gilles search for indications where it all began to go wrong.

Marion (Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi) & Gilles (Stephane Freiss) in bed on their wedding night, in the film 5 X 2. Copyright  UGC Films UK.
Showing at these cinemas...

LondonNet Turkey of the Week

Darkness (15)
Horror (2002) 88mins US
Director: Jaume Balaguero
Starring: Anna Paquin, Lena Olin, Iain Glen
American teenager Regina moves to a creepy Spanish villa with her father Mark, highly strung mother Maria and young brother Paul, forty years after a lunar eclipse and a spate of child abductions in the local area. As a new lunar eclipse looms, a series of supernatural events threatens the lives of Regina and her loved ones.

Anna Paquin stars in DARKNESS, directed by Jaume Balaguero. Distributed by Buena Vista International. © MIRAMAX FILMS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Showing at these cinemas...
More new films....


The Comedy Store London's most popular comedy club has been splitting sides for twenty two years now. The likes of Paul Merton, Jack Dee and Jo Brand have all taken to the stage here. Click here for more info...



Purchase club tickets via our online service, and at most venues you'll be able to jump the ticket queue. Venues featured include:
- Fabric
- The End
- Borderline
- The Cross

Top Clubs

Based on Page
Visits on LondonNet
(16 March)
1) The End
2) Fabric
3) The Cross
Club Venues and Listings
Club Tickets

Accomodation Deals

The front of Hotel  La Reserve.

La Reserve - (1 Jan - 31 Mar 2005) Singles UKP59; Double UKP69; Twin UKP79; Triple UKP89; Superior Double UKP89; Family UKP120

The front of the Hyde.Bed and Breakfasts:

Hyde - Save up to 65% on the hotel's published price when you book online!

A Lincoln House bedroom.Budget:
Lincoln House - Singles UKP69; Double UKP85; Twin UKP95; Triple UKP115; Family UKP119

Free updates of available rooms/tenants in your area.

Three of the Best

The fanciful Ritz.The Ritz*****(Picadilly)
Opened in 1906, The Ritz has traditionally been a place to stay and meet for famous figures from the world of stage and screen, and for statesman, aristocrats and Royalty.
Single - UKP220 (Inclusive of VAT)
Superior King - UKP260 (Inclusive of VAT)
Deluxe King - UKP330 (Inclusive of VAT)

The bar at the Gore, located at Kensington Gore.The Gore ****(Kensington Gore)
The Gore offers old fashioned comfort with up-to-date facilities and is justly famous for its mellow surroundings and intelligent, friendly staff.
Single - UKP136 (Inclusive of VAT)
Double - UKP168.03 (Inclusive of VAT)

The Strand Palace is in the middle of the West End bustle.Strand Palace Hotel ***(The Strand)
With its superb central location, Strand Palace Hotel is perfect for those wanting to explore the city. Many of London's famous landmarks are close by, including Leicester Square, Covent Garden and Theatreland.
Twin rooms from UKP37; Triple rooms from UKP32

London Hotel Chart

Top Sellers
(4 Mar - 16 Mar 2005)
1) Columbia
2) Commodore
3) Willett

Featured Worldwide Hotel:

Stanhope Hotel is Brussel's first five star, with a unique atmosphere and quirky trinkets.Stanhope Hotel*****
Rue du Commerce, Brussels
A luxury establishment dripping with late 19th century English charm, Brussels first 5-star hotel retains its original charm and standards in the context of up to the minute facilities. All bedrooms manage to achieve considerable individuality within the elegant late 19th century remit and all come equipped with aircon, fax, TVs with in-house movies, mini-bar and trouser press. There are two levels of suites available to the space-hungry visitor. The Palais Royal, the Museum of Ancient and Modern Art and Grand Sablon are all within a minute or two's walk west of the Stanhope.

Click here for more worldwide hotels...


Queen Mother Memorial for The Mall - Brown supplies cash for statue...

Official Papers Show Diana's Car Was Switched
- Conspiracy theories boosted by memo...

Meet the Turks Competition
Portrait of Mehmed II, c.1480. Attributed to Shiblizade Ahmed, (active c. 1475-1500). Opaque pigment on paper.39 x 27 cm. Topkapõ Saray Museum, Istanbul. Photo Hadiye Cangokce

Covering the wide span of a thousand years, the Royal Academy of Art explores the highly spiritual and spirited culture of the Turks.

The exhibit, heavily sponsored by Turkish petroleum giant Aygaz, the Turkish Garanti Bank and metal producer Corus, pulls the exhibit, with many of the works borrowed from the Topkapi Saray Museum and the Museum of Turkish and Islamic Art of Istanbul. This is the first ever exhibit to solely focus on the development of Turkish culture, and a number of the works have never been exhibited outside of Turkey.

Here's your chance to introduce yourself to the wide-spectrum of Turkish culture through this highly acclaimed exhibit. The winner will recieve a pair of tickets to do his or her own respective soul searching. That is, if they can answer the following question...

Question: How many works are involved in the exhibit?
(Hint: click here for more info!)

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to "[email protected]", with the subject header "Turks Competition".

More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize! First correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the prizes, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.

Closing Date: 3pm, Monday March 21, 2005.

Dear LondonNet,
Hi - as a Midlander who visits London, I wondered whether you could include exibitions in your listings? I know the Ideal Home Show is currently on in Earl's Court and am coming to see this next week, but I'm sure I'd come to more if I knew when they were on. As a visitor, I'd also welcome a section on markets, when they're open, what they sell etc. Just a thought! Best wishes, I do enjoy your newsletter! - Sandra Rutter

Dear Sandra,
We do have information on London's up-and-coming and well-known markets, including information on all areas of London, in our Shopping section. As far as tickets for exhibits, we review and feature a lot of exhibits - check out the next Ahoy newsletter for information on the Vitality show! - LondonNet

The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website. Email: [email protected] to submit.