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AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
28 February 2002, Issue 99

LondonNet Homepage: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/
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AHOY! Contents:

1. WHAT'S UP: London for Free, AHOY!'s 100th
2. LONDON DIARY: Royal Do’s and Don’t’s
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema
4. HOTELS: London and Worldwide
5. NEWS: Latest news from London
6. COMPETITION: Russian Cossack Ensemble (tickets and vodka)
7. TALKBACK: Cinema
Online version of this Ahoy!: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ahoy/99.html

Advertising Info:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/info/advertising.html
Subscribe/Unsubscribe to Ahoy!:
- See bottom of email for link to subscribe/unsubscribe

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1. WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet
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LONDON FOR FREE:
Russian Cossack Ensemble - Free Tickets and Vodka
We have 1 pair of tickets (and free vodka during the interval) for the
upcoming Russian Cossack Ensemble show. Scroll down for competition details.

WOW! Catch Compie: The Importance Of Being Correct
For the first time ever we didn't receive a correct answer to last issue's
compie. So the prize is still up for grabs. We thought that the question was
pretty straightforward. Seems it confused some of you though. So calling all
budding literary types; take a look and see if you can answer our Oscar
Wilde based question. Scroll down for re-entry details.

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AHOY!: 100th Birthday Issue
Our little newsletter celebrates its hundredth edition next issue. It all
began back in 1996 and while there have been changes, not least moving from
whenever to monthly to fortnightly, the same old jovial spirit (I hope)
persists. We welcome your comments on our first six years, a selection of
which we will publish in the centenary issue along with a few other nuggets:
mailto:pdc@londonnet.co.uk

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SPONSOR:

- Win a Home Entertainment System
The Sony VPL-HS1 projector provides the ultimate "giant screen" experience -
ideal for films, sport and games. Think World Cup, think World Cup, think
World Cup....
Click here for competition details:

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2. LONDON DIARY
- Royal Do’s and Don’t’s
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Meeting royalty, even with 12,000 other people around, can be a confusing
and humiliating experience for those untutored in the often impenetrable
rules of protocol. Luckily, LondonNet has been given a draft copy of advice
put together by the royal household.

The Queen’s Summer Concerts in Buckingham Palace Gardens – Do’s and Don’t’s

On Arrival:
Do: Marvel at how the Queen has time to keep up with the gardening.
Don’t: Ask an official why the huge Palace grounds can’t simply be made into
a new London open space, linking Green Park and St James’ Park.

During the concert:
Do: Clap (preferably in that endearing, out-of-time way pioneered by
royalty) whenever an act mentions how great this country is.
Don’t: Wangle a backstage pass, collar Sir Paul McCartney and ask him
straight, ‘whatever happened to rock ‘n’ roll?’

Patience in the Face of Hysteria:
Do: Smile condescendingly and then politely inform American visitors that
‘We Want Liz!’ is not the correct form of address.
Don’t: Complain that after 50 years of waiting, and 50 years of your taxes
funding her dysfunctional family, you’d think the least she could do would
be to show up on time.

For the Encore:
Do: Wave your little paper Union Jack wildly when the inevitable happens and
Cliff Richard turns up.
Don’t: Ask why in hell’s name he never moves his feet when ‘dancing’.

Dining Protocol:
Do: Compliment the Queen on the super spread she’s put on, especially her
famous crustless salmon and cucumber sandwiches.
Don’t: Eat pickled onion flavour Monster Munch before breathing all over Her
Majesty and other important personages.

Oh dear, I’m caught short:
Do: Use the Portaloos kindly provided by Her majesty for the use of her
loyal subjects and Corgi dogs.
Don’t: Sneak into the Palace itself and relieve yourself on a royal ‘throne’

When the Curtain Falls:
Do: Volunteer to help the Queen and Prince Phillip tidy up all that litter.
Don’t: Invite all your mates round for a right royal after hours knees-up.

The Day After:
Do: Allow yourself the indulgence of a smug grin at the office,
enigmatically murmuring that ‘you are not in a position to report’ what
happened.
Don’t: Admit the whole thing was a sickening display of back-slapping
fake-bonhomie and cringe-making sycophancy.

David Clee, Editor (mailto:djc@londonnet.co.uk)

The ticket ballot for The Queen's Concerts is still open. 12,000 free
invitations
for each are available to UK residents. Good luck!
Telephone 0900 1952 2002 or apply on-line: http://www.royal.gov.uk/

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3. ENTERTAINMENT
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THEATRE
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html

In the spotlight
- Sprint is back in town with their fifth annual festival. Rush to the
Camden People's theatre for a heady mix of the old and the new, the young
and the restless, the bold and the beautiful, and plenty of wordplay
besides....See:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html#spotlight

Up and Coming
- The Full Monty, Prince of Wales theatre, Piccadilly Circus tube
Broadway babes bare all in this New York transfer. The one-time low budget
Brit flick looks set to take the West End by storm.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

Highlights
- Mamma Mia! The Prince Edward Theatre, Leicester Square tube
Mother and daughter relate through Abba songs.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_mammamia.html

Groups
- The next booking period for The Lion King (from 1st October 2002 until 2nd
February 2003) has gone on sale. Mon-Thurs eves, Wed mats, excluding school
holidays £7.50 off top three prices. For group booking details see:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_groups.html

- Theatre Tickets
Top Three Sellers (15-28 Feb 02)
1) My Fair Lady
2) Fame
3) Les Miserables
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

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MUSIC
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/

Rock and Pop

Gig Preview
Johnny Clarke live @ Rodigan's Reggae (Wednesday, March 6th), Trojan Records
legend Johnny Clarke plays live on March 6th at David Rodigan's weekly roots
night at Subterania.
For more info and tickets see:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoppreviews.html

Top Three Sellers (15-28 Feb 02)
1. Hear'Say, Wembley
2. Deep Purple, London
3. Moody Blues, London
- Tickets:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html

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Classical

Madame Butterfly, Sadlers Wells (13 - 23 March 2002)
- 'Romance and heartbreak where eastern and western cultures collide in
turn-of-the-century Japan.'
Madame Butterfly has been completely re-staged for David Nixon's debut
production for Northern Ballet Theatre. Call our classical ticket desk on
020 8949 5363.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/classicaltickets.html

Carmen, Royal Albert Hall (21st February - 7th March 2002)
- 'A powerful tale of lust, power, superstition and murder'
Run extended by a few days. Last remaining tickets available: call our
classical ticket desk on 020 8949 5363.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/carmen.html

Top Three Sellers (15-28 Feb 02)
1. Carmen, La Cuadra de Sevilla
2. Madame Butterfly, Northern Ballet
3. A Masked Ball, English National Opera
- Tickets:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/classicaltickets.html

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CINEMA
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema.html

- New Films This Week

The Shipping News
- Director: Lasse Hallstrom
Single father Quoyle returns home to a small fishing village in
Newfoundland, where his weekly column in the local paper, The Gammy Bird,
miraculously finds an audience. The paper's editor Jack Buggit is delighted,
and as Quoyle continues to experience life through his writing, so he comes
to terms with his previous disastrous relationship with Petal. And the
possibility of finding love with the radiant Wavey. (15)

The Son’s Room (La Stanza Del Figlio)
- Director: Nanni Moretti
Middle-aged psychiatrist Giovanni and his wife Paola live with their teenage
son Andrea and young daughter Irene. When Andrea is killed in a driving
accident, the shock and anguish almost tears the family apart, but gradually
each member of the clan begins to come to terms with their guilt, and to
heal their emotional wounds. (15)

Bully
- Director: Larry Clark
A group of teenagers, linked by their capacity for stupidity, meaningless
sex, and drug an alcohol abuse, turn the tables on a sadistic high school
bully. The circle of friends vow to kill their tormentor, committing an
unspeakable act that none of them have the bravery to commit alone. (18)
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema_new.html

- Listings
By Cinema: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/cinema/index.html
By Film: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/films/index.html

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CLUBS
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs.html

- Coming Soon:
Death Disco (every Thursday from 14 March)
Poptones and former boss of Creation Records Alan Mcgee brings a riot of
punk rock to the Golden Jubilee year.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs-previews.html

- Club Advertising and Competitions
Want to push your club/event that little bit harder? Contact Iain for
targeted media planning and rates. Additionally we always welcome new
partners for our Club Competitions, as regularly featured in Ahoy! Email:
mailto:iain@londonnet.co.uk

- Club Venues and Listings
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs-venues.html

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SPONSOR:

VIRGIN WINES
- Virgin Wines is the premier source for wine online with over 17,500 wines
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4. HOTELS
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LONDON
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html

Three of The Best
- Top three offers currently available to LondonNet readers:

The Gainsborough Hotel**** (S. Kensington)
- Combines the attractive style of bygone days with an easy informality. 4
nights for the price of 3 (or 7 nights for the price of 5).
Hurry! Current offer only applies to bookings made before the end of March
2002.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offergainsborough.html

St James's***** (Piccadilly)
- Exclusive discounts make this our most affordable 5 star hotel. Doubles
from 135 UKP
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerstjames.html

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
Even bigger savings on your favourite deluxe 5 star London hotel. More than
40 per cent off selected rooms/dates exclusively for LondonNet readers. See:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerritz.html

- London Hotel Chart
Top Three Sellers (15-28 Feb 02)
1) Columbia
2) La Reserve
3) Gore
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html

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WORLDWIDE
New additions and highlights from our sister site Hotelgenie.com.
http://www.hotelgenie.com/

NEW!
Barcelona, Spain: Grand Marina Hotel *****
Part of the World Trade Center, the Grand Marina is a fine meeting point for
anyone with an eye on Barcelona's future. Be sure to make use of the open
air swimming pool and fitness center.
http://www.hotelgenie.com/barcelona/index.shtml

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5. NEWS: Latest news from London

Fly the Tram to London
- New Heathrow-Hammersmith link planned
New Musical Bares All
- The Full Monty gets dramatic
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/headlines.html

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6. COMPETITIONS

NEW! Competitions Page
- Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/competitions.html

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- Russian Cossack State Song and Dance Ensemble (25 February - 16 March
2002)
We have ONE pair of tickets (and free vodka during the interval). Having
been the toast of the Edinburgh Tattoo and Fringe, the Russian Cossack State
Song and Dance Ensemble makes its London debut with an exhilarating blend of
traditional dance, music, song and whirlwind gymnastics!

Qu: Name the capital of Russia?

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with your answer and the
subject header "Cossacks Compie" to:
mailto:cossack-compie@londonnet.co.uk

NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be
used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't
send you info about the prize!

RULES and INFO: First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize,
details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final. Closing
Date: 5 March 2002

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Competition Re-run

Catch Compie: The Importance Of Being Correct
For the first time ever we didn't receive a correct answer to last issue's
compie. So the prize is still up for grabs. We thought that the question was
pretty straightforward. Seems it confused some of you though. So calling all
budding literary types; take a look and see if you can answer our Oscar
Wilde based question. See below for details:

We have ONE family ticket for Short Stories by Agnes Limbos. The production
is part of the Catch Season at the Lyric, Hammersmith and runs from 28
February - 2 March.
Show Summary: Tarantino dances with fairy tales! Comedy wrestles with
tragedy! A tablecloth is transformed into a snow-tipped mountain range, a
rabbit is hunted to the echoing sound of song, blood magically appears on
the tracks. In this playful, cartoon-like foraging of fables, an awesome
world evolves. A remarkable show where everyday objects become
extraordinary. (Ages 8 - Adult)

Qu: Which Oscar Wilde penned children's classic is also part of the Catch
season?
Tip: Take a look at our kids shows page for clues:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/kids_shows.html

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with your answer and the
subject header "Short Stories Compie" to:
mailto:catch-compie@londonnet.co.uk

NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be
used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't
send you info about the prize!

RULES and INFO: First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize,
details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final. Closing
Date: 1 March 2002

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- SONY COMPIE: Win a Home Entertainment System
The Sony VPL-HS1 projector provides the ultimate "giant screen" experience -
ideal for films, sport and games. Think World Cup, think World Cup, think
World Cup....
Click below for competition details:
http://tracker.tradedoubler.com/pan/TrackerServlet?p=1391&a=289002&g=0

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WINNER: Catch Compie (15 Feb issue):
Answer: ?
None (see above)
Check next issue to see if we can find a winner...

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7. AHOY! TALKBACK: Readers say their piece

AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to ahoy-talkback@londonnet.co.uk
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons
of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following
letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News
Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a
message on the forum: http://talkback.londonnet.co.uk/
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of
course feedback about the newsletter or website.

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Dear Ed:

Why can I never get the listings for the Odeon Cinema at Epsom these days?

Kevin.

REPLY: We have recently changed the way that we compile our listings.
Previously we were able to extend slightly beyond the Greater London area.
Now our cinema listings are strictly Greater London only. If we can find a
cost-effective way of including places like Epsom and Watford (another
casualty) we will.

The good news is that the changes mean we can now offer more info on films
(including in Rep) within the London area. I am sorry that for now at least,
this is not a 'great leap forward' for you. (Ed)
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema.html

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- Sponsorship of AHOY!
If you want targeted hits for your website, why not sponsor an issue of
AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter. For info mail us at:
ahoy-sponsors@londonnet.co.uk or visit:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/info/advertising.html

For details of cost effective banner advertising on LondonNet please email:
mailto:iain@londonnet.co.uk

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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Copyright 1996-2002. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by Adonis.
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole,
or in part, without the express written consent of the publisher.

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