AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
31 January 2002, Issue 97

LondonNet Homepage
LondonNet Homepage: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/

AHOY! Contents:

1. WHAT'S UP: London for Free, Spid's Ophelia, Welcome Michael
2. LONDON DIARY: Shallow Charles Not the Only Problem
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema
4. HOTELS: London and Worldwide
5. NEWS: Latest news from London
6. COMPETITION: Film: 2 family tickets for IMAX, Waterloo
7. TALKBACK: Fair Pricing on Eurostar, Harry Potty
Online version of this Ahoy!: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ahoy/97.html

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1. WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet

Cinema Compie - IMAX family tickets
Win one of 2 family tickets for Disney's oscar winning Beauty And The Beast
at Waterloo's IMAX cinema.
- Scroll down for competition details.


Theatre: Spid's Ophelia
- A hearty heap of congratulations goes to our kooky critic Helena 'Spid'
Thompson. Her well received adaptation of Hamlet, Ophelia, is set to begin
an expanded second run in February (12-16/2, 20-27/2). Not known for blowing
her own trumpet, we would like to toot away on her behalf. Toot Toot. For
more info and tickets please take a look at:


Welcome: Michael Tedder
- A big hello to Michael who joins us for a short spell in the LondonNet
editorial office. Michael, from Columbia, Missouri will be musing merrily on
London's entertainment scene. First up is his review of the new Farrelly
brothers film Shallow Hal. See:


Valentine's Day
- Our resident cupid rustles up 6 of the best online ideas for Valentine's


- Shallow Charles Not the Only Problem


In sport, the name ‘Wimbledon’ will usually bring forth memories of Bjorn
Borg, Martina Navratilova and mile long queues in the rain, but the leafy
suburb is also home to a First Division football club.

Except that it isn’t, hasn’t been for ten years and perhaps never will be
again. A decade ago, Wimbledon FC begun a ground share with Crystal Palace
and Dons fans have itched for a return ever since. Enter a certain Charles
Koppel who now wants to relocate the club about fifty miles north in Milton
Keynes. There is apparently more cash to be made in MK than there is in
Wimbledon so the fans can go hang.

Our critic didn’t much care for Shallow Hal, the new Farrelly Brothers film,
but it has an apparently refreshing premise - the idea that people should
disregard surface appearance and look to the inner beauty of others. At
least the Farrellys offer an antidote to the kind of cool cynicism that
seems to infect much of modern cinema, but they too fall prey to the
pervasive idea that big social issues can be transcended by individual whim
(and Gwyneth Paltrow.)

The point is that Koppel might be a nice guy underneath or a monster, but to
a huge extent he has been shunted into his position by powers bigger than
those that lie in his head. First of all, he is the agent of distant owners
who have seen some of their other businesses slide; second, football itself
has fallen prey to its own voracious market forces that have seen more clubs
sent into financial administration in the last three years than the last

Unlike Gwyneth Paltrow, Wimbledon fans can’t expect to hypnotise their
opponent into submission but must instead rely on the efforts of a whole
bunch of people who are putting up a tireless fight to save their club.

Find out more on http://www.wisa.org.uk

David Clee, Editor (mailto:[email protected])




- Up and Coming
Ophelia, The Arcola theatre, Dalston overground
Hamlets girlfriend finally finds her voice in this modern reworking of the
old Hamlet myth. Watch out for this transfer from Jacksons Lane theatre.

- Highlights
Kiss Me Kate, The Victoria Palace, The Victoria Tube
Cole Porter's revamp of The Taming of the Shrew sets Shakespeare to a tune
and gets the audience going.

- Groups
Great deals on groups of a dozen and more:

- Theatre Tickets
Top Three Sellers (19-31 Jan 02)
1) Cats
2) My Fair Lady
3) The Lion King



Rock and Pop - Critics Choice
1. Angie Stone
2. Sum 41
3. Bob Dylan
4. Travis
5. Santana
- Tickets:

Classical - Carmen
Bizet's unfortgettable score is set to seduce audiences once more. Last few
tickets remaining.



- Film Of The Week
Shallow Hal **
Directors Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Lascivious guy is hypnotised to see only the inner beauty of women, not
least Gwyneth Paltrow in more miss than hit shock-comedy. Full review:

-Other Films out this week
The Fluffer ***
Laughs follow leading star-trouble in engaging comedy set on the set of a
gay-porn film. (18)

Gosford Park ****
British country house murder mystery given the Altman people-watching twist
plus a good helping of old fashioned class war. (15)

Nightshift ***
Bottle-plant worker faces bullying when he switches to the night shift in
moving look at men (mostly) at work. (15)

Training Day ****
Corrupt cop Denzil Washington and corruptible young partner Ethan Hawke run
wild and free on the streets. Entertaining stuff. (18)

- Listings
By Cinema: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/cinema/index.html
By Film: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/films/index.html



- Attention Club Promoters!
We are conducting a spring clean in the club section. It can be a bit of a
mare keeping up to date with the fast changing nature of venues and nights.
If you promote a London club drop by and check that your details are correct
and let us know about any updates.

- New Clubs
If you would like us to consider adding your night to our guide, drop us
your promo material. Preference will be given to those clubs that are
prepared to ply us with copious amounts of booze. Only kidding - integrity
is our middle name. Honest. Email: mailto:[email protected]

- Advertising and Competitions
Want to push your club/event that little bit harder? Contact Iain for
targeted media planning and rates. Additionally we always welcome new
partners for our Club Competitions, as regularly featured in Ahoy! Email:
mailto:[email protected]

- Club Venues and Listings




2001 was the toughest in living memory for London hotels. Thankfully, if our
selection of hotels is anything to go by, things are now picking up. The
biggest development so far this year has been the return of the Americans.
Many, who understandably put off trips following September 11th, are now
firming up plans for this year's visit. Fortunately, prospective visitors
can still obtain great deals in London hotels. Below are two of the best
offers currently available on our site:

The Gainsborough Hotel**** (S. Kensington)
- Combines the attractive style of bygone days with an easy informality. 4
nights for the price of 3 (or 7 nights for the price of 5).

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
Even bigger savings on your favourite deluxe 5 star London hotel. More than
40 per cent off selected rooms/dates exclusively for LondonNet readers. See:

- London Hotel Chart
Top Three Sellers (19-31 Jan 02)
1) Hazlitt's
2) Rubens
3) La Reserve


New additions and highlights from our sister site Hotelgenie.com.

- Valentine's Ideas/Offers

It's the time of year when the romantic among plan surprise breaks for
Valentine's day. So here's my top tip. Regular readers will recall me
droning on about how Belgium is one of Europe's best kept secrets. The food
is beyond reproach and the beer is a drinker's delight. Best of all the
country offers exceptional value. Better still it's within easy reach by
plane and car and for the well-heeled (see Talkback letters, below) there is
the option of hopping aboard the Eurostar.

Valentine's Offer at The Stanhope ***** (Brussels, Belgium)
Valid Thursday 14th - Friday 15th Feb 2002. 1 room night in a double deluxe
room for two persons including breakfast & a romantic dinner for two. Total
price = 255 euros. 122 euros per extra night
(including breakfast and all taxes). Plus the regular huge savings on
weekend stays. See:

New York has already carved itself out as this year's hippest destination.
Some may be going out of curiousty, some moral support, but for most the
great deals currently on offer (flights, hotels. etc) will be the biggest
pull. Whatever, for city minded folk like us it remains one of the most
romantic spots on planet earth.

Our pick:
The Iroquois**** (New York, U.S.A.)
- Just minutes from Broadway, the Iroquois is the perfect place to soak up
the spirit of New York. You can even stay in the rooms actor James Dean
lived in for a spell in the 1950s. Special offers for 2002. See:


5. NEWS: Latest news from London

Millennium Bridge Passes Wobble Test
- Re-opening in sight as 2,000 fail to shift Blade of Light
Calling Occupants: Blur Send Music to Mars
- Interplanetary craft gets Britpop signature tune



NEW! Competitions Page
- Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.



- SONY COMPIE: Win a Home Entertainment System
The Sony VPL-HS1 projector provides the ultimate "giant screen" experience -
ideal for films, sport and games. Think World Cup, think World Cup, think
World Cup....
Click below for competition details:


WINNER: Club Fantastic Compie (18 Jan issue):
Jane Harris (London SE10), Albert van Biljon (London E14), Simon Smith
(London E5), Sue Moore (Reading, Berks), Kim Tyler (Canterbury, Kent),
Eddie O'Gorman (Bournemouth, Dorest)


7. AHOY! TALKBACK: Readers say their piece

AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons
of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following
letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News
Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a
message on the forum: http://talkback.londonnet.co.uk/
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of
course feedback about the newsletter or website.


Dear LondonNet,

I whole heartedly support your campaign for fairer pricing of Eurostar
tickets. The ticket prices are ludicrously expensive, I was under the
mis-guided impression that travelling by train should be one of the
cheapest forms of transportation. Yet airplane flights are much more
competitvely priced. Maybe this is due to competition in the industry,
as opposed to the monopoly that the indebted money grabbing company that
is eurostar.

Kind regards & keep up the good work,

Vince Sott.

REPLY: Couldn't say it better ourselves Vince. (Ed)

LondonNet's Eurostar Campaign Archive:


Dear Talkback,

Diana was murdered by MI6 on the authority of the Queen. Diana was going
to marry Dodi and the Queen wouldn't allow it. Heard this all before....
Well Diana was going to spill the beans that Harry 3rd in line to the throne
was not the son of Charles but was the secret love child of Major (cad)
H is for Harry. H is for Hewitt. Also that Henry Paul the driver did not
exist. Just a play on names Miss Diane of Crossroads fames was loved from a
distance by Benny AKA Paul Henry.


REPLY: Do you mean Henry Paul, Paul? I was almost with you until you hit the
Crossroads. Explanations
on a postcard please. (Ed)



I am typing from a long way away....Australia!

I would really appreciate it if you could send me a photograph of this James
Hewitt, for I'd like very much to study it.
The reason for wanting to study it....?
My friends and I had a thought. We aren't suggesting that Hewitt is Prince
Harry's dad, we are suggesting that he is Harry's father, though!
Please treat this e-mail in all seriousness, because I want to print this
photo of James, to show my friends. So if you have a decent photograph of
him, please send it to me. I have searched the Internet for one, but all I
come up with is news articles, no pic's.

Regards and thank-you,

Emma Bradley

REPLY: Do I detect a trend? Sorry Emma, we don't have a photo either. Must
be some kind of conspiracy, eh? (Ed)

LondonNet Themes: Diana's Lovers:


To whoever...

I was reading through the Diana conspiracies and noticed one or two facts
were missing from your excellent website. The thing's I've read may not be
100% correct and therefore, not warrant being added into the already ripe
theory. But here they are anyway........

The Benz they were travelling in had been stolen 3 days before and replaced
the next day, exactly in the same place it was stolen from.....minus the
computer chip that controls most of the cars functions such as breaks, power
steering and engine functions to name but a few. The replaced chips could be
easily fitted with an overriding control device activated via radio waves.

All the CCTV cameras along the route they took were apparently not working
or not switched on that night.

A document released by one of the defective MI5 agents outlined a plot to
assassinate Milosovic while he was enroute to peace talks - the
assassination attempt was to divert his car into a underground tunnel and
flash a blinding light into the drivers eyes causing a crash.

Whether or not they are genuine facts is in question. If they are infact
true, its something else to ponder on.

Being a Londoner I love the website. To use a cliche - keep up the good



REPLY: Thanks Matt. (Ed)
More Diana Conspiracy Theories from our archive:


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