LondonNet Homepage
5 July 2001
Issue 82
AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...

Click here for Online Version of AHOY!

Contents:
WHAT'S UP

- CD Giveaway
- On Your Bikes
- My Fair Lady
- Madonna
LONDON DIARY
- Keeping Cool Underground
FEATURES

- Hotels
- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips
LONDON NEWS
- Latest news from London
USEFUL URLs
- "Must-see" pages on LondonNet
COMPETITION NEWS

- Win CDs
AHOY! TALKBACK
- Readers say their piece
SPECIAL MESSAGES
- Help us to help you
- Linking to LondonNet
- Sponsoring AHOY
AHOY! MEMBERSHIP
- Subscribe to AHOY! list
- Unsubscribe from AHOY! list


©Copyright Adonis 1996-2004. LondonNet and AHOY! are published by Adonis, London, UK.
© The names, words and styles AHOY!, LondonNet, londonnet, Londonnet, London Net and associated logos are all Copyright Adonis.
® All Rights Reserved

WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet…

LONDON for FREE: CD Giveaway
We have 5 copies of Music To Watch Movies By to give away. Click here for competition details.

LONDON FEATURE: On Your Bikes
HAVE YOU ever noticed how for ten months of the year we British do little else but moan about the cold, wet and windy weather? Then when the city gets a hot spell such as now the moaners switch tack and start complaining about overheating on the venerable tube system. (Stand up the bozos at the Evening Blandard who ran a 'Tube Hell' headline just as London enjoyed its hottest day of the year.)

Of course it can get real hot riding around in Ken's underground cattle trucks. But there is a cheap, convenient and environmentally friendly alternative: The Bicycle.

Many people have a fear of cycling, particularly in the big smoke. So we invited occasional LondonNet contributor and bike nut Neville Horley to gives us his tips on riding around the capital in safety.

Click here for LondonNet's Guide to Safe Cycling in the Capital.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/bicycle.html

If your travel on the underground is unavoidable, David's London Diary has some useful tips for keeping cool on the tube. Click here.

MY FAIR LADY: We have tickets...
...FOR the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane which starts in August.
Availability Status:
3 Fri August 2001: Only 2 tickets left!
From 10 August to 3 November: We have tickets for every Fri and Saturday evening performances
Bookings:
To book tickets call (020) 8949 5363 (from U.K.)
++44 20 8949 5363 (from overseas)
Our ticket office is open 9-5.30 Mon to Fri and 9.30-12.30 Sat

MADONNA @ EARL's COURT: We have tickets......
WELL TWO of them. The tickets are from one of the best blocks in the house and are yours for 106.25 UKP each (Price includes commission and booking charges). They are valid for Monday night's gig (9 July 2001). First come first served. Email us:
[email protected]

LONDON DIARY by David Clee

Sorted: We Rise to the Mayor's Challenge on Hellishly Hot Tube Journeys
- Seven ways to keep things cool underground without the need for air-conditioning

Generous London Mayor Ken Livingstone has put up a reward of UKP10,000 for anyone who can come up with a solution to the stultifying heat suffered by passengers on some Underground trains.

For obscure technical reasons, like there being no cash left in the kitty after paying the rent on Tube chief Bob Kiley's swanky new house, conventional air-conditioning is not a runner on deep lying lines, so Ken wants us to think laterally about this one.

Here are my carefully costed suggestions:

1. Sweat bands to be given out free with every ticket. In step with the never-ending 70s revival, these could then become the height of street fashion, rather than be stuck in their current role as the only interesting thing about Tim Hedman. Cost: Free if we can get Adidas to sponsor the trains.
(NB. Hard-up fare dodgers need not miss out. 30 years ago my mum did a nice line in improvised sweat bands by cutting up old flannels and stitching them carefully onto bits of elastic.)

2. Buy in a job lot of hand-fans, like the ones used by taxi drivers in Greece. When set at full-throttle and cunningly concealed in your pocket, these are also useful as a deterrent against quick-fingered fellow-passengers. Cost: 12 bottles of Uzo and 20 of those funny cigarettes with cardboard filters.

3. Teach all inhabitants of London the face-cooling 'stick your bottom lip out and blow' technique I spotted being practised to great effect by an old lady on the Northern line. The bonus here is you get to find out if you have bad breath. Cost: The old lady says she'll show us how it's done if someone helps her with her bags.

4. Make Spanish-style fans out of discarded (aren't they all?) copies of Metro. Cost: Free.

5. Replace all in-train adverts with pictures of Jeffrey Archer - sure to send a big chill down anyone's back. Cost: Archer pays London Underground UKP6 billion for the publicity, funding all planned infrastructure investment.

6. Couples. Lick the sweat off your partner to obtain heat -relief and provide a welcome sexual sideshow for bored fellow-travellers. Cost: UKP9.50 per person for the dry cleaning.

7. On the scientific grounds that every human being emits the equivalent of one bar of an electric fire, it should be legal to kill fellow passengers if the train stops in a tunnel for more than one minute. First to go, obviously, would be that meaty bloke who broke the strict Underground code and used arm-rests to either side of his seat yesterday. Cost: UKP10 per body bag, though, dyed silver and cleaned a bit, these could later be used by contestants in the London Marathon.

News Headlines
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/headlines.html
London Diary Archive
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/london-diary.html

FEATURES Menu
-
Hotels
- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips

HOTEL NEWS by Peter D. Clee

SUMMER OFFERS

REGULAR readers of AHOY! will know that I would never say there is a bad time to visit London.

With my prejudice borne in mind please don't think that I'm crying wolf when I say this summer is a great time to visit London. Thanks to the unwelcome combination of a global economic cool down and Spring's foot and mouth outbreak, hotel bookings are down across the capital. Bad news for our hotel friends indeed. But where there's ying there's yang. High availability means low prices in many hotels. And to top it all the capital is basking in a very un-London-like heatwave. So save a few notes and this year swap the mediterranean for the metropolitan.

Here are some of the exclusive deals available through the summer to LondonNet readers:

The Gore Hotel, Kensington
Summer Offer. Prices from 105 UKP per room per night.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offergore.html

St James's, Piccadilly
3 for 2 Summer Offer, Weekend Special. Prices from 170 UKP.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerstjames.html

The Montague, Bloomsbury
Summer Deal. Prices from 105 UKP.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offermontague.html

The Commodore, Lancaster Gate
Summer Rates. Prices from 70 UKP.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offercommodore.html

Rubens, Buckingham Palace
Summer Special. Prices from 120 UKP.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerrubens.html

Still unconvinced? If you want to be a London turncoat why not head off to one of the European city's featured on our sister site Hotelgenie.com: http://www.hotelgenie.com/

This week's hit-parade of the most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:

LondonNet's Top Five Hotels*:
1 (1) The Columbia
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offercolumbia.html
2 (-) The Commodore
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offercommodore.html
3 (4) Chelsea Lodge
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerchelsealodge.html
4 (-) Lincoln House
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerlincoln.html
5 (-) Chesterfield
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerberkshire.html
(*based on bookings between 22 June - 4 July 2001. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

Related links
For the full range of London hotels now on offer please see:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html
For details of our office hours and contact info see our Helpdesk page at:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/help.html

Hotelgenie.com
For details of over 300 European city hotels available on our sister site Hotelgenie.com see:
http://www.hotelgenie.com/
TIP: To receive Hotelgenie.com's regular newsletter "Wishes" with details of the latest European hotels added to the site send your email address to:
[email protected]

LONDON MUSIC by Catherine Chambers

Weezer
Thursday July 5th
Shepherds Bush Empire

First impressions of Weezer, it has to be said, didn't measure up to much. Four nerdy looking geeks whose annoying ditty 'Buddy Holly' somehow launched them into star status and gave them, gulp, credibility.

When someone recommended their new LP, The Green Album to me, I merely scoffed and shoved the offensive record back in their hands with vigour. Then I stumbled across a rocking song called Hash Pipe, (Half Pipe in the US) which was my personal single of that week. It was to my great astonishment followed by cries of 'It can't be!' on discovering that the geniuses behind the song were, in fact, none other than those speccy geeks I loathed so much! How could this be?
It proves that a) I suck and b) Weezer have made one of the best albums of the summer.

The Green Album, the LA fourpiece's first long-player since 96's Pinkerton is crammed full of corking tunes, with Hash Pipe being a diamond in a ocean-full of gems. Each song comes perfectly wrapped in breathless harmonies and to-die-for hook-lines welded together with metallic guitars.

While they're hardly going to cull the Blink 182's of the world - they share the same corporate punk ballpark after all - there's much about Weezer's crunchy three-minute pop that is hopelessly addictive. Resistance is futile.

Other Picks
Thursday July 5- Saturday 7, Monday 9 Madonna, Earls Court
Stop that smirking! Those of you who already have a ticket will be jumping around like a kangaroo on happy pills in preparation for Mads rolling into town as part of her first UK tour proper in 8 years But for those who failed to pick up a ticket, we have some left. Ok, just 2 of them. The tickets are from one of the best blocks in the house and are yours for 106.25 UKP each (Price includes commission and booking charges). They are valid for Monday night's gig (9 July 2001). First come first served. Email us:
[email protected]

Sat July 7 Icarus Line, The Garage
Another one of those emo types following in the footsteps of At The Drive In. With a sound not a million miles away from The Jesus Lizard and Fugazi, Icarus Line are, it must be said, on familiar terms with screaming fuzzed-out noise. Not for fans of Travis then.

Sun July 8 Party In The Park, Hyde Park
Bland FM Live! In Hyde Park! Oh, you know, the usual mainstream pop bands take on one of London's biggest parks Guilty as charged - Geri Halliwell, David Gray, Wyclef Jean, Shaggy, Craig David, Ronan Keating.

Sun July 8 Kilburn Festival, Grange Park Free
How many free music festivals in London are there that have half decent acts on? The answer is none. So it might be worth checking out this little blighter of a free festival headlined by Natacha Atlas and dance nutters Zion Train.

New! Music Feature
Why East London is poised to take on North London and Soho as the centre of the capital's music scene
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockeastlondon.html

Related Links:
Music Tickets:
You can book tickets for many of the top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html
For more live listings see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html
For our music guide see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/index.html

LONDON THEATRE by Helena 'Spid' Thompson

In the spotlight

Though only the world-weary would dare to miss LIFT, don't despair if you feet have been firmly planted on the ground through out the London International Festival of Theatre. Uniting established and new international artists in honour of its tenth birthday, the heady mix of installations, lectures and events in a range of site-specific venues around London continues over the weekend.

For those hungry for unusual drama a collection of new plays from Uganda can be caught at the Royal Court. And Battersea Arts Centre is still hosting performances on the subject of childhood and censorship. But if what you're really up for is the festival's after party, then the Lift Club next to Blackfriars Bridge is where informal gatherings between artists and the public really take off.

Interactive theatre groups like Shunt, Rotozaza and Forced Entertainment will be bidding the festival farewell aboard none other than the HMS president pleasure cruiser beside Blackfriars Bridge. With cabaret, alcohol and plenty of music on offer, there's the opportunity to dance, drink and participate in a new piece of autotheatre about male-female relationships. Drunk, sober, or just plain in love, you're sure to be carried away.

Up and Coming
Nixon's Nixon, The Comedy Theatre, Piccadilly Circus tube
Richard Nixon's last night as US president female makes for political farce.

Highlights
A Woman in Waiting, The New Ambassadors Theatre, Leicester Square tube
New female writers bring South Africa's history of apartheid to the stage.

Theatre Choice
Best Play:
Stones in his Pockets - Hollywood comes to provincial Ireland in this hilarious two-hander from Marie Jones
Best Musical: Cats - Lloyd Webber tames Eliot's feline poems
- For details, tickets and reviews see:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html

LondonNet's Top Five Shows*:
1 (1) Phantom of the Opera
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_phantom.html
2 (-) Chicago
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_chicago.html
3 (5) Mamma Mia!
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_mammamia.html
4 (3) The Lion King
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_lionking.html
5 (-) Starlight Express
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_starlight.html
(*based on bookings between 22 June - 4 July 2001. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

My Fair Lady
We have tickets for the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

Related Links:
London Theatre Menu
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html
London Theatre Tickets
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

LONDON CLUBS by Catherine Chambers

Club Night Of The Week:

Soul Movement @ Clinic
Friday July 6, 10pm-4am
13 Gerrard St WC1
Tube: Leicester Square

Here at LondonNet we like nothing more than to trumpet the news of a brand spanking new club night, and this week we've been creaming ourselves over Soul Movement at The Clinic.
House lovers listen up - Black Vinyl Records, the UK's prominent Deep House label is the brainchild behind Soul Movement, which kicks off at the Clinic this Friday, and then the first Friday of every month thereafter.

While Soul Movement has been around for some time, having celebrated its 4th birthday party in June, it now moves to a brand new venue as the 'Movement and the Militant Soul Militia bring the party to the Clinic on a mission to 'revolutionise London clubland by providing top quality house music for real music lovers and serious party animals.'

For the opening night, Soul Movement have roped into DJs from across the pond from Denver, Colorado are the Pound Boys. It's a rare intimate appearance from the Boys who are renowned for their soulful vocals and have lent their DJ talents around Europe and the US. Soulful Movement's Resident DJs Alan Russell (Black Vinyl Records) and Gee Llewellyn will be behind the decks.

Other Picks
Friday July 6th, Soul Brew Boat Party 2001, The Thames, funnily enough. UKP15

A 5 hour cruise up and down the Thames accompanied by a 3k sound rig providing the finest in deep and dirty Disco and sweet & soulful house with DJs Andrew Bird and Martin Heywood. The 200 capacity Viscountess will be departing Westminster Pier at 9.30pmand returning at 2.30am with 5 hours of drinking, dancing and Soul Brew hedonism in between cruising past the sights of London Town!

Saturday July 7th, Vanity Flair First Birthday, Pacific Edge 9-2am UKP6
Londoners with a penchant for funky disco house might head off to Romford's Pacific Edge where Vanity Flair's DJ crew will be partying like mad in honour of their first birthday. Guest of honour is dance diva Jocelyn Browne, while Café De Paris' Phil Drummond, Physical Ed, and Tony Nicholls will be behind the decks.

New! Club Feature
Why East London is poised to take on North London and Soho as the centre of the capital's music scene
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockeastlondon.html

Related Links:
Club Menu
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs.html
Club Tickets - You can now book tickets for many of the top clubs in London through our online ticket shop:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/club-tickets.html
Club Previews
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs-previews.html

LONDON CINEMA by Catherine Chambers

Lara Croft: Tomb RaiderFilm of the Week:
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider ***
Director Simon West
Daughter of the late Lord Croft (Jon Voight) from whom she inherited a love of artefacts as well as a rather large estate, multi-linguist adventurer Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) discovers a mysterious clock that leads her to smooth-talking Manfred Powell (Iain Glen). Powell turns out to be a member of a secret society, The Illuminati, who are hunting for a talisman, the Triangle of Light, which enables the possessor to control time. Lara holds the key to it all but when invaders raid (ahem) her home, she sets off in hot pursuit, on a journey which takes her to the opposite ends of the earth in a race against time to save the world from evil...more (12)

Other New Releases:

Aimee and Jaguar ****
Director Max Farberbock
Lesbian Jew falls for Nazi wife in gripping drama based on a true story. (15).
Dr T and the Women **
Director Robert Altman
Richard Gere is a gynaecologist in severely below par Altman soap. (12).
Two or Three things I Know About Her ****
Director Jean-Luc Godard
Jumpy, jumbled, scorching, political Godard re-release.
When Love Comes **
Director Garth Maxwell
Yawn-worthy New Zealand take on, here we go again, 'relationships'(18)

New Films
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema_new.html
Cinema Menu
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema.html
Film Listings - Full London listings with our easy to use guide
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/cinema/index.html

LONDON TIPS - Secrets of the City

Welcome to the section where Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for your fellow readers send us an email to:
[email protected]

Hello London Tips,

When you referred to "smart" dress for areas like S. Ken, Chelsea, etc., does this mean that jeans or casual cargo-pants are not worn by the mid-30s crowd there anymore? Haven't been to London in over 5 years, but I seem to recall King's Road, and S. Ken as being a bit less "stodgy" than 'new millenium money' might dictate.

I'm due to attend a conference as well in September (and will be staying in S. Ken), but plan on doing my share of walking, and pub crawling, etc., around greater London. Being from San Diego, CA, we usually don't worry too much about tucking in shirts or whether one's socks match, etc.

Then again, one hates to be pegged for a Seppy Tourist when in London...... call it cosmopolitan pride or somesuch.

Any advice would be appreciated.

'Cagey Cretin'
(received via LondonNet Talkback's Bulletin Boards)

REPLY: Fret not 'Cagey'. These days you can wear just about what you want even when strolling around posh areas like S. Ken. If you want to dine in a fancy restaurant you may find a limited dress restriction, shirt and trousers (not jeans). Sometimes a tie and jacket are required (eg afternoon tea at The Ritz). Having said that, by camouflaging yourself up in the local clobber you will be robbing Londoners of one of their favourite past times - tourist spotting. So our tip is grunge up and be yourself. (Ed).

LONDON NEWS

News from London

News Headlines
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/headlines.html
Easy Not Quite Everything
- Boycott urged of internet cafes over gay sites ban claim
Hotheaded Madonna Storms Out of Hotel
- Material girl loses her cool after air-conditioning packs up

Sport News
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/sport.html
Kanu Set for Switch to Spain
- Nigerian international heads Gooners clear out list
News Talkback
http://talkback-news.londonnet.co.uk/

USEFUL URLs

LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/
LondonNet News Headlines: Award winning updates from the capital of cool
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/headlines.html
Guide to London: "The must-see guide for visitors to London" - msn.co.uk
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/index.html
Hotel Shop: LondonNet's selection of the best hotels in town
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html
Ticket Shop: Theatre and Music Bookings and Helpdesk
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/help.html
Out on the Town: LondonNet's entertainment listings and features
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/index.html
Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels
http://www.hotelgenie.com/

COMPETITION NEWS

Music To Watch Movies By CDs
Music To Watch Movies By is the latest installment in the Music To Watch series. Featuring a mix of classic tracks to contemporary themes, it's a must for anyone, not just film buffs. We have 5 copies to give away.

Question: Who composed the Bond theme tune 'You Only Live Twice'?
TIP: You will find the answers on the following LondonNet feature page:

Music To Watch Movies By is reviewed on
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/reviews.html

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with the correct answers and the subject header "Music To Watch Movies By Compie" to:
[email protected]
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your address we can't send you the prize!

RULES and INFO: First out of the Editor's hat win a prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 12 July 2001.



Last Issues Competition Winners:
(22 June 2001, Ahoy)

The Great River Thames Giveaway COMPIE:
Mark Huttley (Middlesex, TW18 4RZ), David Merrigan (Middlesex, HA9 8QX), Jane Holiday (Tooting, SW17 9NU), Renee Tentori (West Sussex, BN11 3RL), Andrew Throssell (Teddington TW11 8RT), Shamina Rahman (London E5 0LJ), Faye Rhodes (Herts HP2 SQ), Ms. Erin Byrne (London SE19 IQJ), Carolyn Hunt (Maidstone ME15 0ET), Jon Oswald (Essex RM16 6PP), Phil Augur (Barnsley S75 6DN), Ms Charmaine Ashpole (Kingston KT1 2UR), Helen Davies (London SE21 8EH), Christophe Fox (London NW8 9AE), Neil Maidman (Aberdare Cf44 8AX), Jags Virdi (Southall UB1 2LN), Julia Godfrey (London WC2E 9QH), Vincent P. Wallace (Cambridge CB2 3LR), A Martlage (Plymouth Pl2 1BE), Brian Hood (New Malden KT3 6QH), Leah Reveliotty (Twickenham TW1 1AL), Miss Chris Swan (London SE2 9TH), Vinny Jackson (Brockley SE4 1UD)
Details of prizes will be sent to winners shortly

AHOY! TALKBACK

AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a message on the forum: http://talkback.londonnet.co.uk/
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.

ED's NOTE: It's coming around to the fourth anniversary of the old dear's death, so it's little surprise that our Diana mailsack is starting to fill again.

Hi LondonNet,

I'd like to say that i love the London net stories about Diana. Please continue with it! I have a question too, i would like to have the address and phone number of Diana's former lover Major James Hewitt. Could you mail it to me?

Thank you very much.

Tom

REPLY: What you want to do, whisper sweet nothings squwidgy style? (Ed)
Diana's Lovers:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/themes/diana_lovers.html

Hi LondonNet,

As I write this e-mail, Diana's 40th birthday (had she lived) is just around the corner. I know one of these years I will go to Althorp.

It seems to me that everytime her birthday, July 1st or her demise, August 31st, the tabloids are cranking it up with more stories, which are probably bogus, to the people around the world. Is it the work of the queen? Nobody will find out in the near future. Maybe that's the reason why there is no true memorial of her in London. Many people around the world have tried to convince Tony Blair into having one built with no success. That is very sad. Just because we live in a new millennium does not mean that Diana should be forgotten. I believe from what I heard that there was more support here in the United States to have a memorial built that there is over there in Great Britain. I may be wrong but we should all team up to give one more effort to get it built.

Gary
El Paso, Texas

REPLY: Gary, relax, plans are afoot to build a 20 million rose garden dedicated to (fittingly enough) 'England's Rose' Diana (Ed)
Diana's London:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/themes/diana-london.html

Point of Law
Dear legal friends; what follows is certainly not the view(s) of LondonNet and is mean't, I am sure, in jest. Please don't sue 'cos we don't like to be stuck in a room full of lawyers all day. Well, who does? Cheers.
Point of Taste
Dear Diana/Royal fans; you might want to skip this one.

Hi LondonNet,

Subject: The theory about Diana

The Facts:
The Queen, Sir Elton John killed Princess Diana. Quiet from public life, with no hits for a while, they and George Michael hired Gerri Halliwell to do the dirty deed. Disguised as their driver, she and Griff Rhys Jones, killed the perfect couple before fleeing off with Robbie Williams for a post-homicidal break in the Algarve.

Why?
Sir Elton John
- Since the highs of the success of The Lion King soundtrack, Elton had been brooding over a disagreement between Diana and his good pal, Queen Elizabeth, and poor record sales. Incensed by Diana calling the queen "a posh slag!", Sir Elton saw the opportunity to kill 2 birds with one stone. Win Points with HRH and increase record sales of Candle in the Wind in her honour (after bitter disappointed when her tried it for Mother Theresa).

George Michael - Dodi was a silent partner for Sony and Diana had
disrespected the one true love of his life - Charles.

Gerri Halliwell - Geri is really Gary. Secret Sex tool of George and Sir Elton. Spurned on by coke laced semen, she and Griff Rhys Jones chased them into a wall.

Griff Rhys Jones - Men will do anything for a blow job.

Robbie Williams - Innocent bystander bisexual with a penchant for marsupial buggery. (Kylie Minogue)

The Queen - Man hating monarch, Elizabeth, was bitterly upset when called a posh slag by the late Princess. Enraged that when her divorce was complete, Diana intended to see William and Harry on a regular basis. Fuelled by booze, the Royal screamed "someone kill that fucking nursery nurse!" As Sir Elton still owed her a favour for his Knighthood, the pair set to work.

As you can see, this is as credible as the "Lizard Mindreading Brotherhood" (David Icke) or MI6 or MFI doing it because she found out the Welsh started the Falklands war. If it seems a little far fetched, remember that David Hasselhoff reunited Germany to increase his record sales and Phil Collins shot a train driver to death on film to become an actor. As for Robert Downey Jnr, who is also Jose Escobar, the biggest and toughest drug dealer and kitten pedalling operator this side of the peso.

For more facts and hidden knowledge, please contact me
[email protected] and I'll mail you straight back.

Chris aka Marmalade McStiffer
www.moviesthatsuck.com

REPLY: Well researched, compelling and incisive? Maybe not. Funny? Most certainly. We'll stick with a drunk driver and dodgy Mercedes build quality though thanks. (Ed)
Diana Conspiracy Theories Feature:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/diana_conspiracy_theories.html

SPECIAL MESSAGES

Help us to help you

We love WORD of MOUTH! Please keep on helping by recommending LondonNet, AHOY! and Hotelgenie.com to one of your on-line mates every week. Thanks.

* Forward a copy of AHOY! to a friend *


Linking to LondonNet:

If you have a London related website - or publish pages that would interest our readers (no sex sites or get rich quick schemes please) - send us your URL, page title, plus a short description and we will place a link on LondonNet. In return we ask you to link to us - if you haven't already! Please include the URL for the page on your site where our link appears. Feel free to use our logo that you can copy from our homepage:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/
Please also use this address for links to our site. Thanks.

LINK CODE:
If you need help with the HTML code here is:
A simple text link:
<B><A HREF="http://www.londonnet.co.uk/">LondonNet<A/> - Virtually, the best guide to London</B>

Or with logo and text:
<P><A HREF="http://www.londonnet.co.uk/"><IMG SRC="http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/images/lnlogo.gif"
WIDTH="150" HEIGHT="25" ALIGN="BOTTOM" NATURALSIZEFLAG="3" BORDER="1" ALT=
"LondonNet"></A><B> Virtually, the best guide to London</B>

Looks like:
LondonNet
Virtually, the best guide to London

Just copy and paste the above HTML into your page's source code!


SPONSORS

On-line Hotel Booking - Great value London hotels...
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html

Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels
http://www.hotelgenie.com/?082

London Theatre Tickets: All major shows
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

------------------------------------
Sponsorship of AHOY!
If you want targeted hits for your website, why not sponsor an issue of AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter. For info mail us at:
[email protected] or visit:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/info/advertising.html


For details of cost effective banner advertising on LondonNet please email:
[email protected]

AHOY MEMBERSHIP

Subscribe to AHOY! list
To receive AHOY! click here:
http://lb.bcentral.com/ex/manage/subscriberprefs?customerid=6485
Quick Unsubscribe:
Follow the ListBuilder link at the foot of this email


THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Copyright 1996-2004. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by Adonis. All Rights Reserved.