LondonNet Homepage
21 June 2001
Issue 81
AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...

Click here for Online Version of AHOY!


- River Thames Special
- London for Free
- My Fair Lady
- River Thames feature
- Mucking About on the River

- Hotels
- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips
- Latest news from London
- "Must-see" pages on LondonNet

- Win river related prizes in our biggest ever compie...
- Readers say their piece
- Help us to help you
- Linking to LondonNet
- Sponsoring AHOY
- Subscribe to AHOY! list
- Unsubscribe from AHOY! list

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WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet…

AHOY! River Thames Special
Catamaran Circular Cruises on the Thames
THE RIVER Thames is London's venerable spine. This week's issue of AHOY! is dedicated to our capital's watery thoroughfare with great ideas for enjoying yourself on and by the river. Plus we have the largest selection of river related competitions/prizes ever to a grace an email newsletter (see below).

LONDON for FREE: The Great River Thames Giveaway
WE HAVE a whole array of river themed prizes for you in this special edition of AHOY! Goodies include 15 family passes to seven of the Thames's best attractions/museums including:
The Tower Bridge Experience- Hampton Court
- Tower of London
- HMS Belfast
- National Maritime Museum
- Tower Bridge Experience
- London Dungeon
- Cutty Sark
To cap it all off we have 4 pairs of tickets for Bateaux London's 'Sunday Lunch Jazz Cruise' and 4 family tickets for their 'Catamaran Cruise'. Click here for competition details.

MY FAIR LADY: We have tickets
FOR the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane which starts in July.
To book tickets call (020) 8949 5363 (from U.K.)
++44 20 8949 5363 (from overseas)
Our ticket office is open 9-5.30 Mon to Fri and 9.30-12.30 Sat

THAMES SPECIAL: River Thames feature

Hampton Court PalaceHampton Court Palace
For centuries Hampton Court Palace was home to some of Britain's most famous kings and queens, many of whom have left their mark on both the stunning exterior and the opulent interior. Set in fairytale grounds running alongside the River Thames, the Palace offers guided tours inside and out. Once visitors have navigated their way through the Royal chambers, the world famous maze lies in wait within the stunning Palace grounds.

The Crown Jewels at The Tower Of LondonThe Tower Of London
Standing guard over the River Thames, its 20 mighty towers and giant stone walls project an image of power that once chilled the hardest of hearts. Once inside you experience nearly a thousand years of history and hear the myths and legends that make it 'a day out to die for'. Home to the Crown Jewels and the Yeoman Warders (better known as 'Beefeaters'), The Tower of London gives a feel for the horrors and history of medieval life.

Jazz Cruise
Sunday's provide the perfect opportunity to relax and indulge. Cruising with Bateaux London not only satisfies these desires, but enables visitors to soak up the buzzing atmosphere of the River Thames. The two hour Sunday Lunch Jazz Cruise offers an a la carte menu, live Jazz and spectacular views. Encompassing the timelessly majestic Houses of Parliament, the elegant dome of St Paul's Cathedral, the delicate London Eye and perhaps London's most precious antique The Tower of London, visitors can re-discover the fascination and excitement of the Thames.

Catamaran Circular Cruises on the Thames Catamaran Circular Cruises on the Thames
The daily cruises offer a professional multi-lingual commentary in 8 different languages (English, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, and Spanish) via the latest in headset technology. Describing the key London sights, the tour encompasses the London Eye, Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, St Paul’s Cathedral and the Tower of London.
This 50-minute round trip departs from Embankment Pier every hour with the first departing at 1015 with the final tour at 2230 (depending on demand). Alternatively, the first boat departs from Waterloo Pier at 1045 with trips departing each hour with the last at 1545.

National Maritime MuseumNational Maritime Museum
The modern National Maritime Museum features exhibits about the future of the sea, exploration, passenger liners and trade. Special exhibitions: ‘South – race to the Pole’; ‘Views from the Edge’ and ‘Nelson’. See the Royal Observatory’s Meridian Line, Time Ball and Harrison clocks from this beautiful Wren building that gives fine views over London and Docklands. Inside the Queen’s House art gallery is the impressive ‘Sea of Faces’
portrait exhibition.
Open daily 1000-1800 (summer), 1000-1700 (winter). Children & Seniors free.
Information 020 8312 6565.

The London DungeonThe London Dungeon
Dare you run the ‘Gauntlet of Flames?’ Journey back to 1666 as you relive the ‘Great Fire of London in this heart stopping challenge! The most
thrilling visit in London also includes a Torture Chamber, Jack The Ripper Experience, including a 15minute tour through Victorian Whitechapel and Judgement Day…featuring a boat ride to Traitors Gate to face your doom…! But watch out for the Dungeon’s gruesome actors! Don’t miss out on Deadly Dungeon events running throughout 2001!
For more information call 020 7403 7221
Opening from 10.00am. Late night opening from 15th July – 3rd September 2001, last admission 8pm.

Cutty SarkCutty Sark
Cutty Sark was built in 1869 to be the fastest tea clipper in the annual race to bring the first of the season’s crop of tea home to Britain. On the Main Deck you can see the crew and officers’ accommodation; the ‘Tween Deck houses displays about her history, trade and life on board and the Lower Hold has a colourful collection of figureheads. Group discounts and free guided tours available subject to availability.

HMS BelfastHMS Belfast
HMS Belfast is a cruiser first launched in March 1938. She served throughout the Second World War before supporting United Nations forces in Korea, and remained in service with the Royal Navy until 1965. A tour round this huge and historic reminder of Britain’s naval heritage will take you from her Quarterdeck up to the top of her Bridge and all the way down through nine decks to her massive Boiler and Engine rooms.
Open daily 10:00-18:00 (Summer) 10:00-17:00 (Winter)
Adults 5.40 UKP
Students 4.00UKP
Children & Seniors free
Information 020 7940 6300

The Tower Bridge ExperienceThe Tower Bridge Experience
Inside the towers and engine rooms of the bridge, characters from Tower Bridge’s history lead visitors through an animated audio-visual presentation the spans over a hundred years. Let bridge designer Sir Horace Jones and his trusty builder Harry Stoner be your guide as computers, steam engines and working models of the bridge bring the past to life. The views of London from the towers are spectacular.
Open daily 10:00-18:30 (Summer) 9:30-18:00 (Winter)
Adults 6.25 UKP
Students 4.25UKP
Children under 5 go free
Information 020 7403 3761

LONDON DIARY by David Clee

Mucking About on the River

The weather gods have finally realised it says 'summer' on the calendar, so it's off to the seaside, yes? No, if you haven't got time to spend ten hours stuck in the coast-bound traffic. But if you are nevertheless desperate to be in the company of water, there's always Old Father Thames, a next best thing that is often better than the first.

Whole happy days can be spent in the likes of Greenwich, Richmond or the South Bank but if you really want to immerse yourself in London's aqua-glory, I would suggest an expedition planned with military precision that takes in some of the best bits of the Thames.

The first tip is to get up early, before the morning hunger pangs set in, and make for St Catherine's Dock (nearest Tube: Tower Hill) where various quayside café's serve fresh coffee and croissants. The Tower of London and Tower Bridge are close by for those who fancy some historical input. You could walk the next bit, but I suggest saving your energy and taking the Tube from Tower Hill to Blackfriars.

Over to the southern side of Blackfriars Bridge. A quick diversion eastwards leads to the hugely popular Tate Modern gallery, while to the west, and back on our route, there's the approach to the South Bank and a cute little gardens/craft shops/ café area known as Gabriel's Wharf. Take lunch in one of its establishments or, for stunning river views at a price, try the Oxo Tower nearby.

A short walk further west and you meet the main South Bank attractions such as the arts centre itself, the London Eye and London Aquarium. It probably won't be sunset yet, but Waterloo Bridge is still a beautiful sight, though my advice is not to traverse it, but use instead the pedestrian Hungerford Bridge which takes you to Embankment Tube station. From there it's a hop and a skip via two tube lines to Pimlico station, which is just around the corner from the Tate Britain gallery.

From Pimlico station, it's about a 20 minute walk along the north bank, a road called Grosvenor Road, to Chelsea Bridge, which lies at one end of one of London's best riverside venues, Battersea Park, featuring a boating lake, small zoo and Buddhist pagoda plus acres of prime lying-down space. Close to the south side of the park, after a walk of some ten minutes, you will find Queenstown Road Battersea overground station, from which it is only a few stops to Putney Station.

Your final walk is all down hill, an evening stroll down Putney High Street. Stop off for pre-dinner drinks at any number of pubs and bars if you've worked up a thirst. At the bottom of the road, wouldn't you know it, there's the river again. Better still, there's one of London's best newer restaurants, called simply Putney Bridge, that has lovely, relaxing views over the Thames and lovely, exciting food to boot. As with the Oxo Tower, pre-booking is essential.

News Headlines
London Diary Archive

- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips

HOTEL NEWS by Peter D. Clee

LONDON isn't blessed with many river view hotels. Corporate HQs and public buildings have grabbed all the best spots, leaving only a few hotels to enjoy a riverbank location.

A river view at The Swissotel London HowardOne exception is The Swissotel London Howard, perfectly placed beside Waterloo Bridge, the greatest vantage point in London. If you doubt my view listen to the many Londoners, who when asked what their favourite view of the capital is, cite this crossing as their top choice. And when Ray Davies penned the Kinks's most memorable song, Waterloo Sunset, he showed he was in the know too.

The Howard sits on the north bank of the river, with views to the east down to Tower Bridge (not to mention St Paul's and The Globe) and to the west toward Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. Opposite the hotel, on the South Bank, are the National Theatre, and Millennium Wheel (London Eye).

The nearest competition to the Howard's 'Best River View Hotel' is the Savoy down on Victoria Embankment. However, their river views are enjoyed only by the front-facing suites. In contrast, at the Howard most rooms get the view, including many doubles, deluxes and junior suites as well as the seriously breathtaking penthouses.

The five star Howard has recently undergone a major refurbishment following its takeover by the Swissotel group. It offers all the usual luxuries, including a tip-top restaurant and comprehensive business facilities. We have secured great discounts, available exclusively to LondonNet and Hotelgenie readers.
The Swissotel London Howard:

MADONNA: Ticket and Hotel package
Our Madonna 2001 package includes a ticket, a night's stay at the nearby La Reserve hotel and full English breakfast the morning after.
Prices for the remaining packages are 169 UKP each (NB price is per person - cost for two people is 338 UKP - based on two persons sharing a double or twin room). We still have availability for two nights; Mon 9th and Tues 10th July 2001.
To book this package:
Secure Booking Form:
Or Email: [email protected] (include name, email address and telephone number)

This week's hit-parade of the most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:

LondonNet's Top Five Hotels*:
1 (1) The Columbia
2 (5) The Gore
3 (-) Royal Garden
4 (2) Chelsea Lodge
5 (-) Chesterfield
(*based on bookings between 24 May-6 June 2001. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

Related links
For the full range of London hotels now on offer please see:
For details of our office hours and contact info see our Helpdesk page at:
For details of over 300 European city hotels available on our sister site see:
TIP: To receive's regular newsletter "Wishes" with details of the latest European hotels added to the site send your email address to:
[email protected]

LONDON MUSIC by Catherine Chambers

Meltdown 2001
Royal Festival Hall
South Bank

THE ANNUAL riverside music event known as the Meltdown festival, this year under the editorial guidance of Robert Wyatt, is now in full flow.

Over the last few weeks, the RFH has played host to the likes of Gorky's Zycotic Mynci, one time American Music Club frontman Mark Eitzel and jazz luminaries Bill Laswell, Fred Frith and Jack De Johnette. This Thursday, 21 June, witnesses another jazz legend, drummer and one-time Miles Davis collaborator, Max Roach. Roach helped revolutionise jazz drumming from 40s be-bop to 70s avant-garde to hip-hop.

On Friday 22nd, Pink Floyd singer/guitarist David Gilmour performs his first London show in ten years. Support comes from Sparklehorse, whose new LP It's Wonderful Life is, we reckon, rather good. Tricky, once referred to by a the weekly music press as the horned prince of hip hop appears on Saturday 23rd. Elvis Costello teams up with Suede singer Brett Anderson, jazz mistress Julie Tippets for a tribute to Robert Wyatt, on Sunday 24th, while Monday sees Costello headlining his own set. Finally, the festival bows out with respected African musician Baaba Maal on Wednesday 27th.

Other Picks
Thur 21 June, Outkast, Brixton Academy

You're probably familiar with hip-hop stylists Outkast and their catchy little ditty Ms Jackson. If that took your fancy then you know what to do.

Sat 23 June, Khan, Upstairs At The Garage
Dark and seedy electronica from this Turkish-Finnish knob-twiddler, whose new LP No Comprendo is a hotch-potch of techno, punk, funk and film noir.

Sat 23 June, Trembling Blue Stars, Ballboy, Vermont Strange Fruit Club, Garage
One time Field Mice member Bob Wratten headlines with his latest incarnation, TBS, a five-piece with an ear for melody, showcase songs from current album, Alive To Every Smile.

Wed 27 June, Kings Of Convenience, Union Chapel
Quirky acoustic duo that are quietly working up a storm over their new LP Quiet Is The New Loud.

MADONNA: Ticket and Hotel package
Our Madonna 2001 package includes a ticket, a night's stay at the nearby La Reserve hotel and full English breakfast the morning after.
Prices for the remaining packages are 169 UKP each. We still have availability for two nights; Mon 9th and Tues 10th July 2001.
(NB price is per person - cost for two people is 338 UKP - based on two persons sharing a double or twin room).
Secure Booking Form:

Related Links:
Music Tickets:
You can book tickets for many of the top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
For more live listings see:
For our music guide see:

LONDON THEATRE by Helena 'Spid' Thompson

In the spotlight

If memories could come to life, they'd choose a graveyard as their place of residence - or so say some practically-minded artists who have seized upon Abney Park cemetery as their performance space for this weekend's Stoke Newington Festival.

'These are real time events about the act of being forgotten,' explains Anthony Hampton of Rotozaza, a young company whose debut piece of autotheatre, Bloke, made quite an impression at the British Festival of Visual Theatre by relaying commands to the audience through headphones. Rotozaza's latest offering, kicking off 10 pm this Friday and Saturday, should be no less interactive in its mission to resurrect a Victorian graveyard.

The title of the piece is World Service, and it bills itself as a collaboration between over sixty international performers. Each artist started from scratch by meeting with Rotozaza in the cemetery, and over the course of several months what Hampton now calls a 'marvellous monster' began to take shape.

Riot police, polar bears, electronic birdsongs and suicide victims are just some of the delights this Pandora's Box of performances has in store. 'Whatever happens it'll be insanely ambitious and dead good,' promises Hampton.

Up and Coming
Nixon's Nixon, The Comedy Theatre, Piccadilly Circus tube
Richard Nixon's last night as US president female makes for political farce.

A Woman in Waiting, The New Ambassadors Theatre, Leicester Square tube
New female writers bring South Africa's history of apartheid to the stage.

Theatre Choice
Best Play:
Stones in his Pockets - Hollywood comes to provincial Ireland in this hilarious two-hander from Marie Jones
Best Musical: Cats - Lloyd Webber tames Eliot's feline poems
- For details, tickets and reviews see:

LondonNet's Top Five Shows*:
1 (-) Phantom of the Opera
2 (-) Stones in His Pockets
3 (-) The Lion King
4 (-) Les Miserables
5 (-) Mamma Mia!
(*based on bookings between 7 - 21 June 2001. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

My Fair Lady
We have tickets for the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane.

Related Links:
London Theatre Menu
London Theatre Tickets

LONDON CLUBS by Catherine Chambers

Club Night Of The Week:
Fabric - The Stanton Session
Friday June 22, 10pm-5am

"It'll be a party environment firstly but still innovative. We'll be bringing down people that can both challenge people and slam it - without getting too noodly. 360 degrees dance music basically." Dominic B.

Dominic B is one half of the Stanton Warriors who are set to commence their London residency 'The Stanton Session' at Fabric this Friday, and every third Friday of the month thereafter.

Hailing from Bristol and Devon, Dominic and his DJ partner in crime Mark Yardley have been pushing the forays of dance music good few years now, moulding a sound of electro hip hop with chunky bass lines. They've built up a solid reputation as remixers and have mixed tracks for Missy Elliot and Basement Jaxx among others. This week you'll be able to see what all the fuss is about when they spin the decks in room one, accompanied by Wookie, Dub Marines and MoWax label boss James Lavelle.

Room 2 sees residents Grooverider, Fabio, Bad Company and Optical whilst Ninja Tune's Funki Porcini battles it out with Bustle and Out in Room 3.

Other Picks
Thur 21 June, Monkey Magic Vs Apeshit, Funky Monkey, Church St

Upstairs Monkey Magic DJ's Imran Khan (London Live 94.9FM) and Barney Quinten (Play Records), downstairs with some chunky funk vinyl are the Apeshit crew: Lexi Love (Second Skin Records), Ed Real (Alabama 3) and Scott (Nuphonic Records).

Sat June 23, Strange Fruit, The Garage 7.30pm- late
Dream pop from Trembling Blue Stars featuring one-time Field Mice man Bob Wratten. Regular Strange Fruit DJs will be spinning lo-fi indie classics and electronica. As if the quality music wasn't enough to tickle the fancy, there'll be all manner of japery going on including the usual really, really cool competition prizes.

Sat 23 June, Space at The Cross
Matt Cassar, Nipper Deep Downey and Raymundo Rodriguez man the decks in Thesus's Palace spinning deep funky US house while Too Damn Cheeky play the finest vocal US garage, house and French disco. Ooh la la!

Sun 24 June, Dutitude, The Circle Bar, Clapham 3pm-10.30pm Free
Clubs aren't strangers to freebies but giving away sardines is well, frankly bonkers. But that is what's on offer at Dutitude, not forgetting an afternoon of mashed up sounds and a celebratory attitude comes courtesy of Danmass from DMI Recordings, Sherman, The Grey Monk and Dutty.

Related Links:
Club Menu
Club Tickets - You can now book tickets for many of the top clubs in London through our online ticket shop:
Club Previews

LONDON CINEMA by Catherine Chambers

Film of the Week:
Late Night Shopping ****
Director Saul Metzstein
Starring Luke de Woolfson, James Lance, Kate Ashfield

While the majority of us are either out clubbing or safely tucked-up in bed, it's a different story for Sean, Vincent, Lenny and Jody - four urbanites stuck in dead-end jobs in the dead of night. Luckily they have each other and, in Saul Metzstein's debut feature, they're about to find out exactly how close that bond is...more (15)

Other New Releases:

Evolution ***
Director Ivan Reitman
A return to past glories for Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman (PG)

The Children Midsummer Night's Dream ****
Director Christine Edzard
South London school kids triumph in Shakespeare comedy. (U)

Fiddler on the Roof ***
Director Norman Jewison
Re-release for much-loved musical. All together now, 'If I were a rich man, dabadabadabadum...' (U)

Room to Rent ***
Director Khaled El Hagar
Young Arab London coming-of-age drama. (15)

New Films
Cinema Menu
Film Listings - Full London listings with our easy to use guide

LONDON TIPS - Secrets of the City

Welcome to the section where Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for your fellow readers send us an email to:
[email protected]

Hello London Tips,

Is there somewhere I can enjoy a drink and a full view of Tower Bridge?

R. Bassett.

REPLY: That's easy. The Horniman pub in Hay's Galleria sevres up fine beers and a great view of London's famous lifting bridge.. (Ed).


News from London

News Headlines
Busk Your Way to Trafalgar Square
- GLA to hold open auditions
Livingstone Gets Poll Boost on Tube
- But government is set to ignore public on privatisation

Sport News
Arsenal to Seal Wright Deal
- Keeper had eye on Gooners move all along
News Talkback


LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
LondonNet News Headlines: Award winning updates from the capital of cool
Guide to London: "The must-see guide for visitors to London" -
Hotel Shop: LondonNet's selection of the best hotels in town
Ticket Shop: Theatre and Music Bookings and Helpdesk
Out on the Town: LondonNet's entertainment listings and features
Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels


The Great River Thames Giveaway COMPIE:

WE HAVE a whole array of river themed prizes for you in this special edition of AHOY! Goodies include 15 family passes to seven of the Thames's best attractions/museums including:
- Hampton Court
(5 family passes)
- Tower of London
(5 family passes)
- HMS Belfast
(1 family pass)
- National Maritime Museum
(1 family pass)
- Tower Bridge Experience
(1 family pass)
- London Dungeon
(1 family pass)
- Cutty Sark
(1 family pass)
Catamaran Circular Cruises on the Thames To cap it all off we have 4 pairs of tickets for Bateaux London's 'Sunday Lunch Jazz Cruise' and 4 family tickets for their 'Catamaran Cruise'. Click here for competition details.

1) Who was proclaimed Lord Protector of the Commonwealth in 1653 before taking up residence at Hampton Court Palace?
2) What are the Tower of London's Yeoman Warders more commonly known as?

TIP: You will find the answers on the following LondonNet feature pages:
Hampton Court:
Tower of London:

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with the correct answers and the subject header "The Great River Thames Giveaway Compie" to:
[email protected]
If you have a prize preference(s) let us know as we will try to match winners with prizes. Please note, we cannot guarantee you will win your first choice (or anything at all)!
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your address we can't send you the prize!

RULES and INFO: First out of the Editor's hat win a prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 30 June 2001.

Last Issues Competition Winners:
(6 June 2001, Ahoy)

Gatecrasher Compie:
William King (Neesdon, London, NW10)


AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a message on the forum:
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.

Hi LondonNet,

My personal opinion on politics is that young people just hate to hear "boring long jargon statements" that they do not understand.

So people are not voting due to the fact that they do not know enough about each party to vote for.

Well this is my view and exactly the reason why I am not voting.

Sarah Lucas

REPLY: Surely the media should take a fair share of the blame for the low turnout then? Oops that's us too, damnit. Sorry folks.

Dear LondonNet,

Help find Liesa ShortlandG'day, thought I'd ask if you guys would place a small column in the paper to say missing person "Liesa Shortland" from Australia. She's been in London for six months but who knows where? Her two kids Corey aged 4 and Crystal aged 3 miss her greatly, and would like her to come home. It's Corey's fifth birthday on July the first, all he wants is mum for a present.

Anyway sorry I've got no money to place the ad, but just thought I'd take a long shot.
Kim Shortland
[email protected]

REPLY: Good luck Kim (Ed).

Dear LondonNet,

Okay, here's a new conspiracy theory for you about diana.

First remember that the british empire and its monarch has no roots in either england, scotland or ireland. they do in rome. perhaps its
possible to suggest that the vatican might possibly have authorised a microchip to be attached to dianas car so it crashed and killed her, so as she wouldn't marry into egypt and thus have more financial power than our monarchy behind her quest to restore peace to the world. perhaps if you consider the fact that tutamen, a latin word embosses a pound coin, and in psychological conditioning theory this affects your subconscious mind, you could consider that all people register in seeing a pound coin subconsciously is the egyptian boy entombed with a mask of solid gold.

Tutamen? break it down. tut - ankh - amen. if you think about the fact that the ankh is shaped slightly differently from a crucifix and was made of solid gold and used for a dead body to rest on and for that bodies head to be supported with, then maybe there might be some truth behind it. If you think about the possiblity that a real english king fought in rome so vehemently his hands and feet had to be nailed to the crucifix before he was the colosseum, whose arches were able to refract the light of the sun (what keeps us alive) and the moon (the earth's natural satellite) and his head is still protected, um, somewhere, umm....perhaps i might just know where our kings tomb where nobody would ever think to look....ummmm...

Oh, and king arthur? the sword in the stone? Metaphors. The japanese samurai sword which can pierce stone. excalibur was a battle-axe, not a sword. and yes, i believe the english were meant to think their king was a fairy pansy called 'arthur'.

I'd really like to know what you think of this, because I have many more 'factual' theories which defy quantum mechanics and chaos theory, and i might...just....possibly be able to prove them. and if you think about the legacy of torture its possible to suggest that the 'british' empire, or at least certain 'members' of it have left worldwide - who knows? i might...just...possibly....have a case.... but again....they're just conspiracy 'theories' right? like why is the monarchy so unfeasable rich and that every member of this country has to sign a contract of verbal communication when they marry which pretty much forces them into slavery for the monarchy's coffers in the taxes we pay? Hmmmm.....

If you want to know more about my 'theories', please get in touch - you have my e-mail address. wanna know what i think about world war two and why we still have the eleven o'clock curfew????????????????


REPLY: Barney, are you for real? (Ed)

Diana Conspiracy Theories Feature:


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