LondonNet Homepage
24 May 2001
Issue 79
AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...

Click here for Online Version of AHOY!


- London for Free
- My Fair Lady
- Romeo and Juliet
- 2010 election Results: You Read It Here First

- Hotels
- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips
- Latest news from London
- "Must-see" pages on LondonNet

- Win club tickets
- Readers say their piece
- Help us to help you
- Linking to LondonNet
- Sponsoring AHOY
- Subscribe to AHOY! list
- Unsubscribe from AHOY! list

©Copyright Adonis 1996-2004. LondonNet and AHOY! are published by Adonis, London, UK.
© The names, words and styles AHOY!, LondonNet, londonnet, Londonnet, London Net and associated logos are all Copyright Adonis.
® All Rights Reserved

WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet…

LONDON for FREE: [email protected]
WE HAVE 2 Pairs of VIP tickets for the launch party of a new night, There, which will run every Friday at Heaven. Click here for competition details.

MY FAIR LADY: We have tickets...
.... FOR the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane which starts in July.
To book tickets call (020) 8949 5363 (from U.K.)
++44 20 8949 5363 (from overseas)
Our ticket office is open 9-5.30 Mon to Fri and 9.30-12.30 Sat

LONDON DANCE: Romeo and Juliet
OUR FRIENDS down at the Royal Albert Hall have set aside a whole pile of top draw tickets for June's run of Prokofiev's ballet Romeo and Juliet. This acclaimed English National Ballet production only plays for 11 nights so be sure to book your tickets soon.
For more info see:
To book tickets call (020) 8949 5363 (from U.K.)
++44 20 8949 5363 (from overseas)
Our ticket office is open 9-5.30 Mon to Fri and 9.30-12.30 Sat
Or visit the Classical Ticket page:

LONDON DIARY by LondonNet's Editor David Clee:

2010 election Results: You Read It Here First

Everyone and Leo Blair's mother knows who will win the upcoming election. Labour are a cast-iron, dead cert, shoo-in. But still the bulk of our political pundits will pat themselves on the back for calling the result correctly.

Not me. I have set myself a much more onerous task. Not only will I predict the outcome of the election after next (Labour again but with a much reduced majority) but I will also bring you the future-results of the election after that, to be held somewhere between 2009 and 2011.

I must admit I was shocked at the findings of my research as inquiries lead me to believe it is the currently laughable Liberal Democrats who will snatch power a decade hence. How can I be so sure?

My bold prediction is based on a nearly infallible social trends source, one I have called the Gays-to-Beckham Ratio. On average, it emerges from careful study, the gay community got into minimalism, Soho, coffee-cafes, skinheads, funny facial hair growth, jeans with big turn ups etc about ten years before David Beckham, who himself represents the acme of young, aspirational middle-Britain, the key swing vote constituency that politicians like to snuggle up to.

In the 1997 election, the majority of gays voted Labour, with the LibDems in second spot. But, in a little-noticed poll published this week, Charles Kennedy's party came out on top, scoring 40 percentage points to Labour's 30. The Tories on were down on 7. Happy news for Kennedy, you might think. Unfortunately not. My understanding is that he will be ousted as LibDem leader by Liza Minnelli sometime around 2007.

Related links:
News Headlines

Election 2001 Feature
London Diary Archive

- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips

HOTEL NEWS by Peter D. Clee

St James's ClubOur new addition to the Hotel Shop is something a little out of the ordinary.

In that quirky way that we favour aboard the good ship LondonNet, this latest establishment is not even called a hotel. Rather it is a Club in the great English tradition. Not just any old club you understand, but one that, for the price of a room, allows us all a peep into an otherwise hidden world.

The St James's Club is located off Piccadilly, just around the corner from another of our featured hotels, The Ritz. Many of the capital's finest shops and cultural hot-spots are within comfortable walking distance.

As one would expect, luxuries abound at St James's. The rooms come fully laden for the modern traveller and several feature private balconies or terraces. It is the disarming service, however, that does most to contribute to a relaxed and informal welcome.

We have secured a couple of special offers, available exclusively to LondonNet and Hotelgenie readers. For summer bookings we have a three for two offer and for weekends we have some nifty inclusive (of tax and breakfast) rates. See the St James's Club page for info.
St James's Club:

MADONNA: Ticket and Hotel package
Our Madonna 2001 package includes a ticket, a night's stay at the nearby La Reserve hotel and full English breakfast the morning after.
Prices for the remaining packages are 169 UKP each (NB price is per person - cost for two people is 338 UKP - based on two persons sharing a double or twin room). We still have availability for two nights; Mon 9th and Tues 10th July 2001.
To book this package:
Secure Booking Form:
Or Email: [email protected] (include name, email address and telephone number)

This week's hit-parade of the most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:

LondonNet's Top Five Hotels*:
1 (1) The Columbia
2 (2) The Gore
3= (4) Chelsea Lodge
3= (-) Lincoln House
5 (-) Hazlitts
(*based on bookings between 10-24 May 2001. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

Related links
For the full range of London hotels now on offer please see:
For details of our office hours and contact info see our Helpdesk page at:
For details of over 300 European city hotels available on our sister site see:
TIP: To receive's regular newsletter "Wishes" with details of the latest European hotels added to the site send your email address to:
[email protected]

LONDON MUSIC by Catherine Chambers

Four Tet
Plastic People
Wednesday May 30

He's a busy chap is Kieran Hebden. Not content with being one of the creative forces behind ambient experimentalists Fridge, the 23 year old has remixed tracks for the likes of Aphex Twin and David Holmes, worked with Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner toured with God Speed You Black Emperor! - and somewhere in between found time to kick-start a solo career. While Fridge is chilling (ho-hum) in preparation for the release of their fourth album this autumn, Hebden is about to unleash his second solo album under the name of Four Tet. It's called Pause and the gentle whispers of approval surrounding it are about to explode into deafening cries of amazement.

Fridge clinched a deal with Output Recordings in 1996. Just a year later, Hebden began releasing material under the moniker Four Tet. His first two single releases were acclaimed by media hawks and his first solo album, Dialogue (1999) confounded critics and fans alike. At just 21, the young man from Putney was rapidly establishing himself as a major talent. Like his full-time project, Hebden's solo work knows no boundaries, dabbling across the musical spectrum from jazz, electronica and rock.

'Pause' is another step in Hebden's sonic adventure, one where it can be almost impossible to determine the source. Opening with what sounds like the clatter of typewriter keys - Pause journeys through a maze of rural-inspired sonics, whether it be playground field noise or leafy rustlings. It's a record that exudes confidence, and Hebden himself is mighty chuffed with the result. "It's easily the most natural album I've done," he says. "It's been finished since September last year and I still wouldn't change anything about it. Which never happens."

The lid is about to burst open on this one.


Other Picks
Monday May 28, Deconstruction Tour, Docklands Arena
Punk-fest with the US (Pennywise, Lagwagon, Sick Of It All, Avail, Bouncing Souls) outnumbering the Brits (Snuff, Capdown, A) at London's most vacuous venue ever.

Tue-Wed May 29-30, Henry Rollins Spoken Word, Astoria
Hank gets to vent his spleen on the ISSUES THAT MATTER during his spoken word sessions at the Astoria. A memorable experience, no doubt.

Tue-Wed May 29-30, Muse, Brixton Academy
Revered by those who clearly don't have a 'good taste' bone in their body, Muse - having managed to brush off those Radiohead accusations - continue their upward climb to stardom. Someone put a stop to it now, please.

Wed 30 May, Hundred Reasons, Garage
UK noisiks set out on their first headline tour after a recent support with US rap-metallers Papa Roach. It's been a long time coming.

MADONNA: Ticket and Hotel package
Our Madonna 2001 package includes a ticket, a night's stay at the nearby La Reserve hotel and full English breakfast the morning after.
Prices for the remaining packages are 169 UKP each. We still have availability for two nights; Mon 9th and Tues 10th July 2001.
(NB price is per person - cost for two people is 338 UKP - based on two persons sharing a double or twin room).
Secure Booking Form:

Related Links:
Music Tickets:
You can book tickets for many of the top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
For more live listings see:
For our music guide see:

LONDON THEATRE by Helena 'Spid' Thompson

In the spotlight

King of theatreland, Cameron Mackintosh can look a bit of a tyrant in his mission to popularise the West End. The identical 'theatregoer' programmes bestowed upon his venues' patrons certainly have the air of propaganda - forcing seekers of drama that tells it like it is to take refuge in the Bush, the Hampstead or even the National.

So Kevin Elyot's latest sounds like the stuff of Mr Mackintosh's nightmares. Home grown in the issue-bashing Royal Court, jam-packed with Elyot's favourite themes of homosexuality and betrayal, the story of mother, son and gay 'friend' locked in a disturbing love triangle is nothing if not controversial.

Yet Cameron has puckered up to 'Mouth to Mouth,' making the plush seated Albery theatre it's new home, and the show is thriving. Whether characters are mistaking pot-pourri for crisps, dancing on stage or indulging in an illicit kiss, this finely crafted drama proves gripping as ever. Elyot toys with his audience's emotions to show just how thrilling West End manipulation can be.

Up and Coming
All You Need Is Love, The Queen's Theatre, Leicester Square tube

Another poptastic nostalgia trip, this time picking on the Beatles.

Semi-Monde, The Lyric Shaftesbury, Piccadilly Circus tube

Noel Coward dares to show his softer side in this glitzy staging of the play the censors banned.

Theatre Choice
Best Play:
Stones in his Pockets - Hollywood comes to provincial Ireland in this hilarious two-hander from Marie Jones
Best Musical: Cats - Lloyd Webber tames Eliot's feline poems
- For details, tickets and reviews see:

My Fair Lady
We have tickets!

For the show's run at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane.

Related Links:
London Theatre Menu
London Theatre Tickets

LONDON CLUBS by Catherine Chambers

Saturday 26 May
Upstairs At The Garage
9pm-3am UKP5 pounds

IT'S hardly the trendiest of places and lives somewhat in the shadow of its big brother, but the cosy compact venue above Highbury Garage is getting quite a reputation for itself on Saturday nights. While in the main venue there's the usual indie malarkey - Happy Mondays followed by Stone Roses followed by Blur etc -above there's a whole lotta off-kilter sounds going on. Strange Fruit - the post-rockers paradise - is doing big business - selling out a mere hour after opening. Then there's Kosmische with a like-minded love of everything left-field.

Touted as 'the club for the open-eared and open-minded' Kosmische has earned the respect of musicians including Mani from Primal Scream and one member of Add N to X. And no wonder, with a playlist that throws 70s kraut-rockers Can and Neu, electronic avant-gardists Stereolab, Kraftwerk, ambient instrumentalists Fridge and guitar-inspired noisiks Clinic into the sonic brew.

There's also a quality live showcase, this week featuring electronic popsters National Bandit, while distorted noisiks The Bisons are as rough as their name suggests with a penchant for 'minimalism'. DJ's Sven Garlee, Robert Hampson reel off a 2 hour set while DJ Spykid sets the grooves in motion with a upbeat mix of kraut, electronica and out-there tunes.

This weeks picks:

Thur May 24, Highrise Launch Party, One Four Four, 10pm-3am
With Home closing its doors indefinitely, the heavily student populated Highrise has now re-located to a less impressive venue. But that doesn't mean the quality of music suffers. Au contraire, the Highrise bods reckon it'll be dirtier deeper house than before.

Sat May 26, Liberte, The Oak Bar, Manor Hous 9pm-3am
Women Only! Liberte is billed as for women…with women DJs in a venue owned by women. DJs ASHA, Sisa Mo and Nikki Lucas work their way through a selection of soul, garage, reggae and party classics.

Sat May 26, Open To Torture, The End, 9pm-6am
A bit of a cultural mish-mash this one. Homelands DJ Jim Masters performs a four-hour set alongside Chris Liebing from Germany and Slovenia's techno DJ Umek. Irish folk are in for a treat as there's an 'Irish Special' in the lounge.

Sat May 26, Messin' Around, Jazz Café NW1 10.30pm-2.00am
Fab funky soulful jazz grooves from resident DJs Adrian Gibson, Snowboy and Phil Levin and Mr Gone plus live music from Xavier Fisher Trio.

Related Links:
Club Menu
Club Tickets - You can now book tickets for many of the top clubs in London through our online ticket shop:
Club Previews

LONDON CINEMA by Catherine Chambers

This Week's Big Releases

When Brendan Met Trudy ****
Director: Kieron J Walsh
Starring: Peter McDonald, Flora Montgomery

First impressions can be deceptive, and none more so than with When Brendan Met Trudy. What starts off as a mulchy love-story fast turns into something more off-beat. Brendan (Peter McDonald) is a 28-year-old Dublin schoolteacher. He is a choir singer and a film-buff. The kind of person who never seems to enjoy a film, but has to be cerebral about it. A bore. Then out of nowhere comes Trudy (Flora Montgomery). She's direct, fun-loving and - as it turns out - a burglar. He falls in love. Immediately. The two seem an unlikely pairing (he quotes lines from films in bed; she hates that), and initially you are resigned to this being a straightforward story of opposites' attract. But really this is nothing of the sort. It's far better than here for full review

Other new releases this week:

All the Pretty Horses *
Director Billy Bob Thornton

Matt Damon and Penelope Cruz get stuck in the mud of mundane Cormac McCarthy adaptation. (15)

Code Unknown ***
Director Michael Haneke

Juliette Binoche stars as an actress caught up in underground Paris. (15)

Le Gout des Autres ****
Director Agnes Jaoui

Business man falls for actress in acclaimed French comedy. (15)

Le Libertin **
Director Gabriel Aghion
18th century Philosophe Diderot gets the same (awful, ignorant, 'comedic') treatment as De Sade in Quills. (15)

See Spot Run ***
Director John Whitesell
Canine fun as a dog found by a little kid is wanted by FBI and the mafia. (PG)

Very Annie-Mary *
Director Sara Sugarman

Very Welsh cliche-ridden effort features baker who treats his daughter badly. (15)

Related Links:

Cinema Menu
Film Listings - Full London listings with our easy to use guide

LONDON TIPS - Secrets of the City

Welcome to the section where Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for your fellow readers send us an email to:
[email protected]

This week's tip comes straight from the LondonNet office.

Hello London Tips,

Great newsletter, always very well informed and entertaining. I was just wondering if there was any part of your site dedicated to "doing things" in the afternoon (not tourist related). Any outdoor shows, indoor shows or any festivals that I could go along to? If I've missed the part of the site that has this info could you please let me know.

Lisa Bundschu

REPLY: Many theatres have matinee performances as do cinemas. Museums and galleries are always worth a visit as they can be quieter on weekday afternoon (mornings are the quietest of all though). (Ed).
Cinemas, Theatres, Museums


News from London

News Headlines
'Massive Issues' Inspire Blair
- PM slams talk of two-party consensus
Forget the Election, It's Internecine Royal Warfare
- Charles would make a bad king, says Philip

LondonNet's guide to the June 7th vote
A guide to the parties fighting for seats, a few predictions and the latest polls and news from the campaign. See:

Sport News
Boro Beat Hammers to McClaren
- Lack of cash at Upton Park helps coach decide
News Talkback


LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
LondonNet News Headlines: Award winning updates from the capital of cool
Guide to London: "The must-see guide for visitors to London" -
Hotel Shop: LondonNet's selection of the best hotels in town
Ticket Shop: Theatre and Music Bookings and Helpdesk
Out on the Town: LondonNet's entertainment listings and features
Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels


Tickets COMPIE:

WE HAVE 2 Pairs of VIP tickets for the launch party of a new night, There, which will run every Friday at Heaven.

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with the correct answer and the subject header "Heaven Club Compie" to:
[email protected],
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your address we can't send you the prize!

RULES and INFO: First 2 out of the Editor's hat win a prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 1 June 2001.

Last Issues Competition Winners:
(10 May 2001, Ahoy)

Garage Compie:
Helen Thornberry (Ruislip, Middx), Tamika Irish (London SE26 ), Sarah
Houghton (London SE5)

GF Compilation CD Compie:
Marcus Hosken (Berkshire RG42), Emma Coyle (Balham SW12), Cassie Fitzsimmons
(London SW9), Ayla Carpe (London W1P)

Marshall Jefferson mix CD Compie:
Marni Neenos (New York, USA), John Hartson (London NW1)


AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a message on the forum:
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.

Dear LondonNet: Please forward this to John Prescott. I do not have his email address.

Dear John Prescott,

I wish you were an American so you could run for President. Your swift reaction to the egg incident was wonderful. I have never seen a more surprised look on a face than was on the idiot's face that egged you.

I am afraid I must criticize the left hook you threw. It was more of an arm punch and therefore was not quite as effective. If you had put your shoulder into it I believe you would have decked him. You are a model for others and I hope, in particular, for those that tend to cower away when they are assaulted.

Again, thanks for showing us how one should react to such an outrageous person.

Finally, I would like to ask: Is Sir Malcolm Rifkind feeble minded or is he simply simple?

Boyd Creech
Chicago, Illinois USA

REPLY: Touche (Ed)

Dear LondonNet's Ahoy!,

You guys are the best. I was referred to you before my last trip in December and have been an avid reader of London Ahoy since August 2000. Now I am coming back next week for 2 years and will get to enjoy your packages and great competitions and also continue reading your reviews and stories.

Keep up the great work!


Kimberley Berry
Sydney Australia

REPLY: Thanks (Ed)

Dear LondonNet,

Eurostar SUCKS!!!! I find their pricing to be a total rip-off. It's too bad I have to use them to get to Belgium on time, or else I'd take the ferry!

Kris Muskiewicz

REPLY: Kris, you're preaching to the converted mate. What do you think? Mail your views to us at: '[email protected]' (Ed).
Eurostar Feature:


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