WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet
LONDON for FREE: Retro clubbing
THIS WEEK we have 4 pairs of tickets for 70s club Voulez Vous
and 6 pairs for 80s night Club Fantastic to give away. Click
here for competition details.
LONDON ZOO: New feature
REGULAR readers of Ahoy! will know that I have a soft spot for
our furry friends down at Regent Park's London Zoo. They have
been really generous to us over the past year, providing many
sets of family tickets for our regular Ahoy! competitions.
It is with great pleasure therefore
that we can now unveil our new guide to the attraction, produced
in association with the Zoo's own online team. You will find
lots of info about the animals, facilities and events, plus links
to relevant sections of the official London Zoo website. Enjoy!
WE ARE currently holding
interviews for a part-time Listings Assistant. If you
hurry you can still send us your CV. For more details on this
first-step-on-the-ladder position please see our Jobs page:
LONDON DIARY by LondonNet's Editor David Clee:
There's a great sequence in
101 Dalmations in which a succession of dogs make contact with
some stolen puppies by use of a kind of barking daisy chain system
that boasts a faster connection speed than your average built-in
modem. In the real world, we learn this week, elephants can communicate
through seismic vibrations over distances of more than 20 miles
merely by stomping up and down.
If only pigs, sheep and cows
could call on such talents, they might have warned each other
of the approach of farmers, government butchers and army snipers
intent on mass slaughter in the continuing hysterical reaction
to foot and mouth disease.
But given this evident lack
of communication skills, surely our animal rights friends should
be protesting on behalf of the afflicted? Hundreds of thousands
of animals have been wiped out, not by the disease itself, which
only in a few extreme cases is a killer, but by those seeking
to safeguard the profits of the agricultural industry. That ought
to be a great publicity angle for the animal rights lobby. They
could draw on their hunt-sabbing experience, take to the hills
and start a guerrilla war under the slogan 'You Can Stick Your
Foot and Mouth Up Your Arse.'
Instead, they continue to target
those trying to find cures for human diseases, scientists who
use many, many fewer creatures for their work than are daily
massacred by the government over foot and mouth. Mind you, I
can see how beating up geeky boffins at Huntingdon Life Sciences
represents a more relaxed Saturday afternoon outing than taking
the crusade to sites of real power.
London Diary Archive
HOTEL NEWS by Peter D. Clee
SOMETIMES a fresh perspective
is useful when it comes to judging hotels.
Over the past few years I have
visited literally hundreds of hotels both here in London and
across Europe. Once in a while a real gem surfaces. This most
commonly reveals itself in the shape of a dedication to duty
on behalf of one or more members of staff. A select few of the
world's finest hotels combine this spirit of staff excellence
with a solid touch of history. The Ritz, Piccadilly is one such
hotel. I could waffle on long and true about the astonishing
levels of service, but that would rather miss the point.
The Ritz shines out because it is The
Ritz. Conceived and designed by the world's most famous hotelier,
Cesar Ritz, the London Ritz opened its doors in 1906. Over the
past few years a magnificent restoration job has been achieved
by the hotel's independent, private owners.
I know I was bowled over when
I first saw the results of their work. But I wanted a more detached
assessment. So, the natural choice was to send my parents there
for a night. They are no strangers to some of the world's leading
hotels (lucky them, drool) but both were blown away with the
elegant transformation that has been attained since their last
visit. So it's not just me, the place really is that good. And
I haven't even mentioned the great restaurants, convenient location
and views over St James Park. There done that now too.
We have some excellent rates
at the hotel, for more info please see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerritz.html
This week's hit-parade of the
most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:
LondonNet's Top Five
1 (1) The Columbia
2 (2) The Gore
3 (3) La Reserve
4 (-) Royal Garden
5 (-) Chelsea Lodge
(*based on bookings between 1-14 March 2001. Previous issue's
figures in brackets)
For the full range of London hotels now on offer please see:
For details of our office hours and contact info see our Helpdesk
For details of over 350 European city hotels available on our
sister site Hotelgenie.com see:
TIP: To receive Hotelgenie.com's regular newsletter
"Wishes" with details of the latest European hotels
added to the site send your email address to:
LONDON MUSIC by Catherine Chambers
Shepherds Bush Empire
Thursday, March 22
Quietly stirring up a tender subliminal storm, husband and wife
duo Alan Sparhawk (guitars, piano) and Mimi Parker (drums) together
with bassist Zak Sally craft songs that slip into the subconscious
with the minimum of fuss.
Content to drift along at their
own unhurried pace - for which they attracted the tag 'slowcore'
- Low are capable of bringing time to a standstill. Their latest
and fifth LP, Things We Lost In The Fire is Low at their best,
from the chiming guitars on hymnal-like opener 'Sunflower' to
the magical 'White Tail', while 'Dinosaur Act' finds them stepping
tentatively into stranger territory: rocking out. And even though
it's an over-used phrase 'achingly beautiful' seems to fit Duluth,
Minnesota's Low like a glove, as frail guitar textures cross
paths with Parker's evocative vocals.
When the trio visited these
shores last November they played the Union Chapel, a venue perfectly
suited to their beguiling sounds. This time it's the Shepherds
Bush Empire, while not quite as intimate, is still the best of
the bigger-sized venues in terms of atmosphere - an all-important
factor when the trio work their magic on a spellbound audience.
Slowly but surely, even the
most hardened of listeners will surrender to Low's spiritual
Thur March 15, Craig David,
Poor Craig. He's not having a good time of late, what with losing
out at the Brits and now being sued by his former manager. However,
this doesn't seem to be affecting his popularity as tickets for
his latest tour are selling out like hot cakes.
Fri March 16, Mocca, Water
Brum-based guitar rockers bring their lo-fi mood-stylings to
the better end of London's toilet circuit.
Fri March 16 and Sat March
17, Soft Cell, Ocean
This week sees brand new music venue Ocean opening its doors,
and 80s synth popsters Soft Cell are given the christening honours
by being the first band to play there. But do we really need
another 80s reformation, I hear you cry? Well, over 2000 punters
seem to think so, and the fact that this gig sold out ages ago
suggests that the 80s revival is far from over.
Mon March 19, Richard Hawley
+ Chineseburn, Monarch
Sheffield-based singer songwriter showcases songs from his eponymous
debut, a fine-tuned collection of bittersweet Americana. Support
comes from alt-country and Twisted am Lounge faves, Chineseburn.
Mon, Patrick Duffy, Borderline
Radiohead cited them as an influence, Suede took them on tour
and their records garnered critical acclaim. But Strangelove
never reached the heights they deserved and called it quits after
just three albums, their frontman, Patrick Duffy doing solo acoustic
gigs. Tonight he offers a performance with a difference, as he
provides a dark soundtrack to Hitchcock's 1939 film, The Ring.
Music Tickets: You can book tickets for many of the
top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
For more live listings see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html
For our music guide see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/index.html
by Helena 'Spid' Thompson
In the spotlight
If you want to lament lost
innocence the theatre is the place to be. Childhood rituals are
getting plenty of stage play - although nostalgia's not exactly
the name of the game.
Child prostitution is what award winning James Martin Charlton
makes the subject of his new play at the Finborough. 'ecstacy
and GRACE' shows the real side of child pornography through the
traumas of a game-boy-playing-trainer-wearing thirteen year old.
And it's an HIV positive man's feelings for an underage boy that
kick starts Kevin Elyot 's passionate drama, 'Mouth to Mouth.'
The Royal Court's other controversial
play, 'Spirit,' also lives up to its name with a candid exploration
of child-adult relationships. Breathing life into the world of
bedtime stories, the show's use of mime and puppetry takes its
cue from Cultural Industry's current collaboration, Shockheaded
Peter (the hair-raiser about parents who bury their offspring
alive continues to sell out at the Piccadilly).
But for those keen to dig up
less sordid secrets, 'The Secret Garden' at the Aldwych promises
a magical appeal. One girl's discovery of a crippled playmate
and a beautiful garden redeems the cynics around her. Fortunately
the Arts Council windfall grants encourages theatre programmers
to heed that moral and take children's feelings seriously.
Up and Coming
Blue/Orange, The Duchess
Theatre, Leiceister Square tube
Joe Penhall's audience-dividing
psycho drama puts the N.H.S. in the spotlight.
Piccadilly Theatre, Piccadilly Circus tube
High pitched junk opera
crammed with shock, horror, and delight.
Best Play: Stones
in his Pockets - Hollywood
comes to provincial Ireland in this hilarious two-hander from
Best Musical: Cats - Lloyd Webber tames Eliot's feline
- For details, tickets and reviews see: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html
London Theatre Menu
London Theatre Tickets
LONDON CLUBS by Catherine Chambers
Fri March 16, Essential
Relief, Deep South, Home 6pm-3am
Pete Tong, Norman Cook,
Danny Rampling, Seb Fontaine and Jon Carter head down to Home
this week all in aid of Red Nose Day.
Fri March 16, Surgery, Clinic,
Cross Section Records'
Ray Gibbons and Magoo are joined by Dr Pepper, Case B and Funkwit
for some fresh funky beats.
Sat March 17, Freedom, Bagleys
Lisa Pin-up and Lisa
Lashes unleash some hard house, Colin Aubrey and MC Sting get
down with some garage and Dean Lambert spins classic house.
Sat March 17, Fabric, EC1
Sasha, Lee Burridge,
Bill Brewster are among this week's top quality main floor line-up,
while upstairs IG Culture and Earl Gateshead lose themselves
in funky turnablist heaven.
Sat March 17, Passenger
3rd Birthday, Form, W1 9pm-3am
Steve Blonde, Ali B
spin a cutting selection of breaks, beats and disco tunes as
the weekly club night celebrates its third year.
Club Tickets - You can now book tickets for many
of the top clubs in London through our online ticket shop:
LONDON CINEMA by Catherine Chambers
This Week's Big Releases
Enemy At The Gates ***
Director Jean-Jacques Annaud
Starring Jude Law, Joseph Fiennes, Ed Harris, Rachel Weisz
Another year, another World
War II movie. Enemy At The Gates possesses all the requisites
for a Hollywood war blockbuster, piled high with tension, personal
rivalry and, of course, action to die for... click
here for full review
Thirteen Days ***
Director Roger Donaldson
Starring Kevin Costner, Bruce Greenwood, Steven Culp
The title is apt in more ways
than one. Yes it refers to the dangerous span of the Cuban Missile
Crisis, that moment in US history when the nuclear threat suddenly
seemed about to tip over into full-on reality... click
here for full review
Other new releases this
Director Miike Takashi
Film-maker uses autition to find a wife but finds a whole lot
more besides. (18)
Elvis: That's the Way it
Director Denis Sanders
Re-release for the King's fascinating rehearsal and concert movie.
Last Resort ***
Director Paul Pavlikovsky
Beautiful and moving drama follows asylum seeker's faltering
first steps in UK. (15)
Director Giuseppe Tornatore
Adolescent boy fancies gorgeous woman in sentimental effort from
Cinema Paradiso director. (15)
The Terminator ***
Director James Cameron
Re-release for well-regarded Arnie vehicle. (18)
Film Listings - Full London listings with our easy
to use guide
LONDON TIPS - Secrets of the City
Welcome to the section where
Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and
visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for
your fellow readers send us an email to:
Hello London Tips,
Hop on the bus. It is the best
way to travel around central London as it is cheap (with a zone
one travelcard) and gives you great views of the city.
Duane (Harlesden, London, UK).
News from London
Suicide Farmers Force Charles To Act
- 'Risks are heightened' says Prince
National Says Ello to Enry Iggins
- First night for flower girl McCutcheon, flu permitting
Wenger Steps Up to the Marko
- Hertha star in talks with Arsenal
LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
LondonNet News Headlines: Award winning updates from the capital
Guide to London: "The must-see guide for visitors
to London" - msn.co.uk
Hotel Shop: LondonNet's selection of the best
hotels in town
Ticket Shop: Theatre and Music Bookings and Helpdesk
Out on the Town: LondonNet's entertainment listings
Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels
Retro Clubs COMPIE:
THIS WEEK we have 4 pairs of tickets for 70s club Voulez Vous
and 6 pairs for 80s night Club Fantastic to give away.
Question: Club Fantastic takes place every Saturday
night in the heart of London's West End. Name the venue:
Tip: Take a look at our Retro clubs page:
HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email
with the correct answer and the subject header "Retro Club
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address
(which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you
don't include your address we can't send you the prize!
RULES and INFO: First ten correct answers out of the
Editor's hat win the prize, details will be sent to the winners.
The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 22 March 2001.
Last Issues Competition Winners:
(1 March 2001, Ahoy)
In The Nude CD Winners
Garry Beran (West Didsbury,
Manchester), Marni Neenos (New York, USA), Adeline Darling (Bournemouth,
Dorset), Catherine Pegg (Dover, Kent) Justin Stilla (London,
SE24), Lise Olsen (London, N5), Sean Giacometti (Victoria, Australia),
Sigmund Melberg (Hafrsfjord, Norway), Ayla Carpe (London, SE23),
Mike Gresk (Illinois, USA)
AHOY! Readers say their piece:
Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions
for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness.
The following letters have been received direct here at Ahoy!
Talkback or on our News Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate
by sending us an email or posting a message on the forum: http://talkback.londonnet.co.uk/
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit
and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.
I want to voice my support
for your fair prices on Eurostar campaign. I would love to travel
through the tunnel to Paris but no way can I afford it.
Tom (Ealing, London, UK)
REPLY: Thanks Tom. Eurostar
seem to think the tunnel is under the Atlantic not the English
Channel. This week we had to send our Hotelgenie.com
travel manager Antoinette Coll to a hotel seminar in Paris. The
cost for a day return was a whopping 300 UKP. Easily enough to
fly you to the east if not the west coast of the U.S.A.. Airfares
between London and Paris are little better, 280 UKP was the best
BA fare we were quoted. The proximity of the fares could have
something to do with BA's stake in Eurostar. Or is that too cynical?
Eurostar Campaign Page:
RE: Death of Princess Diana.
In fact Di was pregnant at the time with Dodi's child. The thought
of the future King of England having an arab brother was too
much for the Royals to handle, therefore it was a conspiracy
from a specialist services agency.
The weekend of the death was the weekend the Royal Family should
have went shooting somewhere in Scotland, as they have done for
the last 200 years. They cancelled the trip two days prior to
Living near to Durham I know of a guy that works for Special
Branch in charge of security for Tony Blair. He has is own theories,
however two pieces of info I have from him.
1) When something like this
happens always believe the first reports you hear. The first
report of the crash was that Diana had a broken arm and concussion.
Within hours of this she had died. Now unless she died from a
broken arm???? I think a botched assasination attempt, that when
realised,Diana was executed.
2) Tony Blair has a personal jet that was flown into his home
near Durham. The specialist service guy was briefed that the
crew on board needed food and the official dress had to be set
out for them and Blair etc. When he got on board to see how many
uniforms were needed the pilot told him they were already kitted
out. He asked how when they were scrambled immediately to collect
Blair. To this the Captain advised they had been on standby for
2 days. They had been waiting for something to happen but were
not told what.
The papparazzi that follow the Royals all know each other, however
on the night of the accident a lot more turned up who were not
known by the rest. Apparently they were the same papparazzi on
the scooters, who funnily enough were detained for 12 or so hours
after the accident. A de-briefing perhaps?? Special agents, MI6????
Security cameras on the route they took were not working.
Was Trevor Rees Jones in on the conspiracy?? The only survivor??
We will never know.
Gary Annis (Durham, UK)
REPLY: Some juicy titbits there
Gary, keep digging... (Ed).
For more Diana conspiracy rants see:
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