LondonNet Homepage
16 February 2000, Issue 72
AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...


- London for Free
- New Look LondonNet
- No past, no future, no joke

- Hotels
- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips
- Latest news from London
- "Must-see" pages on LondonNet

- Win club tickets for Home
- Readers say their piece
- Help us to help you
- Linking to LondonNet
- Sponsoring AHOY
- Subscribe to AHOY! list
- Unsubscribe from AHOY! list

©Copyright Adonis 1996-2004. LondonNet and AHOY! are published by Adonis, London, UK.
© The names, words and styles AHOY!, LondonNet, londonnet, Londonnet, London Net and associated logos are all Copyright Adonis.
® All Rights Reserved

WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet…

THE last issue of AHOY! went out in a bit of a hurry. This mean't that I didn't have time to check that all the links worked. Guess what? Lots of them didn't. Plus the competition was missing a question! Oops. So a thousand apologies to those of you who clicked away frantically without success.
(P.D.Clee, Publisher)

LONDON for FREE: Happy Home
LEICESTER Square based super-club Home is giving away four pairs of tickets in this issue's exclusive compie. Click here for competition details.

LONDON for HALF: Theatre Special
Two-for-one tickets for LADY SALSA for best seats (tickets priced
20.00-25.00, plus 15% commission) for performances from Monday to Thursday evenings only until 15 March. "Experience Cuba and its sumptuous offerings like you've never done."
NB This offer is only available via our Telephone Booking line:
- Call 020 8949 5363 (from UK)
- or ++44 208 949 5363 (international)
London Theatre Tickets Page:

NEW LOOK 2: LondonNet
THE latest two sections of the site to undergo our new-look revamp are the Clubs and Music guides. Again we would love your feedback on the changes, so take a look and email us at:

LONDON DIARY by LondonNet's Editor David Clee:

Country Stickers Chase City Slickers

BUMPER stickers used to be dominated by sub-humour nonsense like 'My Other Car's a Porsche' and self-righteous charity efforts asking you to 'Mind! That Child May Be Deaf' which I always thought was a bit unfair on both blind children and deaf adults, who were presumably fair game for wheel-spinning motorists. 'Yes, I saw the figure on the pedestrian crossing, officer, but her white stick and bowed gait convinced me she possessed poor eyesight and was several decades past childhood and consequently I felt within my road rights to crunch her bones beneath my wheels while texting my girlfriend."

In recent traffic jams, however, it has been impossible to avoid stickers proclaiming the values of Liberty, which, on closer inspection, refer to the jolly old Countryside Alliance. Next month the Countryside Alliance are expected to bring close to half a million supporters to central London to defend their liberty to dismember foxes, despite the fact that there is as much chance of this parliament actually ending blood sports as there is of the Dome finding a buyer in time for the next millennium.

But while the sticker evidence suggests some support for our country cousins among urbanites, if the CA really wants to convert the rest of us townies, it'll have to do better than trot out the old liberty line. That only confuses us, making us think that in the forgotten fields of olde England, shepherds and milkmaids have won the civil right to ingest the drug of their fancy, whatever colour or creed they might be.

No, the Countryside Alliance need new slogans for their stickers, ones that both chime nicely with their political roots in traditional rural England and with the consumer desires of city folk. To that end, I am willing to let the CA use 'Serfdom Means Cheaper Au Pairs,' 'Mobile Phones Work Better in Wide Open Spaces' and 'My Other Three Cars Are Volvos, But I Still Get to Moan About Petrol Prices' as long as they let us set up old fashioned tolls on roads leading to London, all proceeds kindly donated to genetic research on the perils of in-breeding.

Related links:
News Headlines

London Diary Archive

- Music
- Theatre
- Clubs
- Cinema
- London Tips

HOTEL NEWS by Peter D. Clee

This week's hit-parade of the most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:

LondonNet's Top Five Hotels*:
1 (1) The Columbia
2 (-) Chelsea Lodge
3 (-) The Gore
4 (2) Hazlitt's
5 (3) The Ritz
(*based on bookings between 1-14 February 2000. Previous issue's figures in brackets)

Related links
For the full range of London hotels now on offer please see:
For details of our office hours and contact info see our Helpdesk page at:
For details of over 350 European city hotels available on our sister site see:
TIP: To receive's regular newsletter "Wishes" with details of the latest European hotels added to the site send your email address to:

LONDON MUSIC by Catherine Chambers

Ooh, goody-goody, as Hannibal 'The Cannibal' Lecter who hits our screens this week, would say. Those madcap East Londoners, King Prawn return to serve up an irresistible ska-fried dish of infectious punk at Camden Dingwalls on Mon 19 February.

Quite frankly the barmiest band to skank their way out of London, KP throw in elements of dub, reggae, sprinkled with a dash of hardcore. Harbingers of skank-tastic tunes that display a mixed bag of influences from the Dead Kennedys, The Clash and Specials, the Prawn are not to be missed. The fourpiece - vocalist Al Rumjem, guitarist Devil Hands, beardy bassist Babar Luck and skinsman, Nikolai, will be mostly playing top tunes from their highly eclectic second LP, Surrender To The Blender.

Equally as palatable are punk crew The Toasters who'll be warming up tonight's show in preparation for the Prawn. A tasty night out, all told.

Other picks

Tue 20 February, Evan Dando, Camden Dingwalls
What's this? The former Lemonheads singer has come to pay Blighty a visit? Indeed so, and he's bringing the country-rock vibe that is so in vogue, plus some ol' 'Heads tunes. "So here's to you, Mrs Robinson..." etc

Tue 20 February, Janus Stark, HQ's
The only reason this lot sparked any attention is because of Prodigy guitarist Gizz Butt, I hear you cry. Not because they unleash some damn fine Helmet-influenced punk metal then?

Wed 21 February, Cousteau, Borders, Oxford St
Scott Walker and Bacharach influenced gothic-tinged poetic gloom from the London quintet. 'Last Good Day Of The Year' from their self-titled debut weaves its magic it just three minutes.

Wed 21 February, Frank Black, Astoria
Black Francis, he of Pixies fame returns with another solo effort that apparently tramples over his previous efforts. Melodic quirkiness coupled with surf guitar - courtesy of fellow Pixie Joey Santiago - ensures a night of raucous art-rock.

Wed 21 February, Richard Ashcroft, Brixton Academy
If, like yours truly, you've never really understood what all the fuss is about with Rich and/or The Verve then chances are you'll have bypassed his debut album 'Alone With Everybody' for a much more worthwhile purchase. If not, then it's likely you'll have snapped up a ticket to this sold out gig and are staring aghast at what you've just read.

Related Links:

Music Tickets: You can book tickets for many of the top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
For more live listings see:
For our music guide see:

LONDON THEATRE by Helena 'Spid' Thompson

In the spotlight

The end of the mime festival can be a sad affair as hoards of international companies prepare to leave. There's comfort to be had this year however as London theatres let other countries stay in on the act.

Living up to its venue's name, Lady Salsa decamps from a theatre pub to The Talk of London where 12 high-kicking dancers find the leg room they need to tell the story of Cuba. Another fringe-to-West-End success story looking beyond the UK for inspiration is Shockheaded Peter. Heinrich Hoffman's cautionary tales leap to life at the Piccadilly, where the spawnings of one inventive German's mind become a junk opera of scare-mongering.

For those who really want to be frightened, Riverside studio's moderately priced double bill offers more than a cheap thrill. Degenerate! celebrates the work of Krasa and Kafka with two energised performances dedicated to victims of the Holocaust.

But if it's dialogue you're after, trust the National to stay closer to home with a version of Synge's Playboy of the Western world that coaxes poetry and peasantry from Irish dialect. Or soothe your conscious with a trip to the Albery theatre February 22, where money raised by wordsmith Caryl Churchill's Far Away goes to dilapidated Palestinian theatres. Far away dramas could do with our help.

Up and Coming
Far Away, Albery Theatre, Leicester Sq tube

Caryl Churchill stuns again with a harrowing vision of the future.

Port Authority, New Ambassadors Theatre, Leicester Sq tube
Conor McPherson follows the Weir with a look at modern relationships.

Medea, The Queen's Theatre, Leicester Sq tube

Raw emotions and bloody solutions from the duo who dramatised the Wasteland.

Theatre Choice
Best Play:
Stones in his Pockets - Hollywood comes to provincial Ireland in this hilarious two-hander from Marie Jones
Best Musical: Cats - Lloyd Webber tames Eliot's feline poems
- For details, tickets and reviews see:

Related Links:
London Theatre Menu
London Theatre Tickets

LONDON CLUBS by Catherine Chambers

Fri 16 Feb, Surgery, The Clinic, W1 10pm-4am
Deep house upstairs with the likes of Chris Simonds from Cross Section Records behind the decks. Surgery DJ's are on hand to mix groovy funk and electro below.

Sat 17 Feb, Decadence, Gossips, 10pm-4amW1
The ultimate in glam and 80s rock thrills. If the very mention of Kiss, Motley Crue and Skid Row sends shivers down the spine, then this is the place for you. Boasts some of the most impressive, not to mention brightly coloured hairdos.

Sat17 Feb, Garage City, Bar Rumba, W1 9pm-6am
DJ's Chrissy T and Rude Boy Rupert, Bobby and Steve spin a mix of soulful US garage and funky house. With guest Ricky Morrison from M & S Productions.

Sat17 Feb, Informal, Form, Greek St, 9pm-3am
Soulful Saturday Social says the press info employing a nice use of alliteration. Unsung heroes and Mastomic provide the entertainment.

Related Links:

Club Menu
Club Tickets - You can now book tickets for many of the top clubs in London through our online ticket shop:

Club Previews

LONDON CINEMA by Catherine Chambers

This Week's Big Releases

Hannibal ***
Director Ridley Scott
Starring Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman. (18)

TEN YEARS on from the deservedly Oscar-winning Silence Of The Lambs, Hannibal ‘The Cannibal’ Lecter returns to our screens in a film based on Thomas Harris’ best-selling novel. But what should have been a thrilling second course only serves to leave a sour taste in the mouth... click here for full review

The Emperor's New Groove ****
Director Mark Dindal
Starring David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt

It’s not often that I’ve enjoyed getting up on a Sunday morning with a little suggestion of a hangover and making my way to deep and darkest Hammersmith to see a KID’S FILM!. But The Emperors New Groove has changed my perception of the cartoon genre. In every essence it conforms to all the cartoon conventions that made Bugs, Daffy and Roadrunner such a good laugh. Gone are Disney's usual annoyingly cloying song and dance routines to be replaced with gravity defying slapstick pratfalls and side splittingly funny one-liners that will appeal to young and old alike... click here for full review

Other new releases this week:

Breakfast at Tiffany's ****
Director Blake Edwards
Audrey Hepburn stars as the sad slapper who conquers society New York in welcome re-release. (PG)

Digimon - The Movie **
Director Mamoru Hosoda/Minoru Hosada
For slightly older kids than Pokemon, but still an ordeal for accompanying adults. (PG)

Dungeons and Dragons ***
Director Courtney Solomon
Jeremy Irons hams it up in fantasy-adventure strictly for belief suspending kids. (12)

State and Main ***
Director David Mamet
Alex Baldwin plays movie star stuck on location in smalltown USA with less-clued-up-than-they-think pals Sarah Jessica Parker and Philip Seymour Hoffman. (15)

Related Links:

Cinema Menu
Film Listings - Full London listings with our easy to use guide

LONDON TIPS - Secrets of the City

Welcome to the section where Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for your fellow readers send us an email to:

Hello London Tips,

I have two tips:
1) If visiting Camden Market always make sure you need to buy groceries. That way you can park in Camden Town Sainsbury's for free.
2) If you want to view London's cityscape get down to the south Bank. The London Eye has re-opened.


Ian (Mornington Crescent, London).


News from London

News Headlines
Minister Sends out Dome S.O.S
- Falconer squirms as Legacy pull out of race for Greenwich site
Sport News
Pleat: Graham Wouldn't Sign Stars
- Court allegation puts pressure on Tottenham boss
News Talkback


LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
LondonNet News Headlines: Award winning updates from the capital of cool
Guide to London: "The must-see guide for visitors to London" -
Hotel Shop: LondonNet's selection of the best hotels in town
Ticket Shop: Theatre and Music Bookings and Helpdesk
Out on the Town: LondonNet's entertainment listings and features
Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels


We have four pairs of tickets to give away for London's mega-club Home. Two pairs are for a Friday night, two for a Saturday - please state your preference when you enter.

Question: Name the club night that takes place each Saturday at Home?
Tip: Take a look at our House Music page:

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email with the correct answer and the subject header "Home Compie" to:,
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your address we can't send you the prize!

RULES and INFO: First four correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 26 February 2000.

Last Issues Competition Winners:

(1 February 2000, Ahoy)
Lovebird Compie: Marcus Hosken (Berkshire, RG42)
N.B. Due to a daft error by myself, last issue's compie went out without a question. Yet in the entry details it said you needed to answer 'the question' correctly. Marcus's answer was as deep as it was profound: 'The answer is there is no question'. I am sure you will agree he had to be the winner.


AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a message on the forum:
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.

Dear Talkback,

My name is Anna and I live in Stockholm, Sweden. The reason I started to surf this site is because I am doing a research project on "London Youth of Today" for my (huge!) research project at my last year of Gymnasium (equivalent to Sixth Form College). My mother did her project on "London Youth of Today" in 1969 and I am comparing 1969 to 2001!

To be able to do the project I have designed an online questionnaire for boys and girls aged 14-20 living in the London and Home Counties to fill out. It's for students, non-students, british, non-british, guy, girl; as long as you live the London area and aged 14-20. I would be ever so greatful if anyone who thinks that they would be "my target group" (ha ha) would visit my homepage and spend five minutes to fill the questionniare out! The address is:

Thanks, Anna

REPLY: If you are aged between 14-20 and live in London we would rerally encourage you to help Anna. Good news is, Anna has agreed to share the results of her survey when it is finished. So we will let you know the reults as soon as we have them. (Ed).


Help us to help you

We love WORD of MOUTH! Please keep on helping by recommending LondonNet, AHOY! and to one of your on-line mates every week. Thanks.

* Forward a copy of AHOY! to a friend *

Linking to LondonNet:

If you have a London related website - or publish pages that would interest our readers (no sex sites or get rich quick schemes please) - send us your URL, page title, plus a short description and we will place a link on LondonNet. In return we ask you to link to us - if you haven't already! Please include the URL for the page on your site where our link appears. Feel free to use our logo that you can copy from our homepage:
Please also use this address for links to our site. Thanks.

If you need help with the HTML code here is:
A simple text link:
<B><A HREF="">LondonNet<A/> - Virtually, the best guide to London</B>

Or with logo and text:
<P><A HREF=""><IMG SRC=""
"LondonNet"></A><B> Virtually, the best guide to London</B>

Looks like:
Virtually, the best guide to London

Just copy and paste the above HTML into your page's source code!


On-line Hotel Booking - Great value London hotels...

Hotelgenie: Fine European city hotels

London Theatre Tickets: All major shows

Sponsorship of AHOY!
If you want targeted hits for your website, why not sponsor an issue of AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter. For info mail us at:
For details of cost effective banner advertising on LondonNet please email:


Receive/Subscribe to AHOY! list
To receive AHOY! send your email address to:

Remove/Unsubscribe from AHOY! list
- To remove yourself from the AHOY mail-list send an email to:

Copyright 1996-2004. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by Adonis. All Rights Reserved.