18 January 2000, Issue 70
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Adonis 1996-2004. LondonNet and AHOY! are published by Adonis,
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Papering Over the New Year Cracks
OUT with the old and in with the new is a phrase which 2001 has clearly taken to its young heart.
On the 'out' side of the equation we have already seen the end of the Dome, the closure, albeit temporarily, of the London Eye and the death of reactionary wit Auberon Waugh. Not a bad haul in a couple of weeks, but one that is set to be completely overshadowed by the efforts of the 'in' camp.
One invention, dubbed variously 'IT' and 'Ginger', is rumoured to be on the way that will solve all our transport needs for years to come. Apparently the new device is a kind of one-person electronic buggy-thing that will employ vertical take-off as standard, hover effortlessly above the ground and allow users to throw litter on unsuspecting passers-by below. Then there's Datagrid, aka Supernet (it is essential for these ideas to come complete with multiple codenames), a new network that promises much faster communication than the web, so fast in fact, that you might as well not bother learning how to fly a Ginger because everything you want would arrive at your desk before you'd even thought about it.
Both whiz-kid inventions, however, are as nothing compared to the new toilet rolls being developed by bottom experts Kimberley-Clarke. Billed the biggest advancement in toilet paper technology in a century, the revolutionary moistened tissues have been a runaway success in early tests. Although flat-packed wet wipes have been available for years, Kimberley-Clarke are particularly proud of their ability to develop a damp tissue that can be rolled while keeping its moistness intact. Not that KC are averse to traditional methods. Instead, the idea seems to be to wipe your bum with a square or seven of normal dry toilet paper first before continuing the operation with some of the new wet ones. Fine as far as it goes but, you might like to ask Kimberley-Clarke, how do you really know when the job is done. "There's only so much people want to hear about with a product like this," said a shy company spokesperson.
CHELSEA is the kind of place visitors should really get to know in London. Sure, many of you want to see the Crown Jewels, walk over Tower Bridge and get photo-snappy outside Buckingham Palace. But for the pinnacle of urban chic Chelsea is the place to be. With its boutiques and bars it makes the strongest case for life in the big smoke. Problem is, for the bulk of us born'n'bred Londoners the area's very desirability means house prices are way out of reach. Your average Chelsea resident is more likely to be seen crooning away on MTV than grinding away the 9 to 5.
That's where I start getting jealous of you lucky tourist folk. You see you too can enjoy the Chelsea high life even if just for a weekend. One of our most popular recent additions to the Hotel Shop is the top value La Reserve. Located on one of the key thoroughfares of the area, the Fulham Road, this hotel is within easy striking distance of Chelsea's other posey pearls such as the King's and Old Brompton roads.
Best of all, for stays between
now and the end of February we have a very special deal
at the hotel. Prices for a double start from just 80 UKP (down
from the regular 135 UKP rate). And up to the 31 March, if you
stay three nights over the weekend (i.e. Fri, Sat and Sun) the
third night is charged at half rate. For those coming to London
after these dates we still have some very attractive rates in
place. See the La Reserve page in our Hotel Shop for details:
This week's hit-parade of the most popular hotels featured in our secure-booking site:
LondonNet's Top Five
Controversy is Marilyn Manson's middle name. The self-styled Antichrist Superstar has stirred up more of it in the past two years than the animal rights protection league have in a decade. Manson is still feeling the effects of the Columbine Massacre of April1999, in which a pair of Manson fans shot and killed eleven of their classmates.
Earlier this month the satirical shock-rocker was under fire for again for his new single 'Fight Song', the video of which depicts a battle between Goths and jocks in a stadium ground, which some feel is too close to resembling the murderous events.
Manson's latest LP, Holy Wood (In The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death) released last year, provoked outrage with the cover depicting him in a crucifix pose. Musically, the songs aren't up to scratch, with the first single to be lifted 'Disposable Teens', a virtual re-working of Manson's breakthrough hit, The Beautiful People, on 98's Antichrist Superstar LP. But you can always bank on the world's greatest rock star to come up with the goods live, and these shows, under the banner of 'Guns God And Government' tour, are promised to be his most outrageous yet.
Still, it seems he can't make up his mind whether to trade the goth look in for roadkill as this season's fashion. Wonder what animal rights campaigners make of that.
Sat 20 January, Linea 77,
Sat,Sun 20-21 January, The
Offspring, Wembley Arena
Thur 25 January, Raging
Speedhorn, Highbury Garage
Mon, Tue 29-30 Papa Roach,
Music Tickets: You can book tickets for many of the
top gigs in London through our online ticket shop:
In the spotlight
Luvvies worried that a futuristic age has ecplipsed theatre can heave a sigh of relief. With memory plays all the rage, this clunky old art form is spear-heading the current trend for nostalgia.
Traditionalists will warm to Eugene ONeills mastery of the form in his Long Days Journey into Night at the Lyric Shaftesbury. Film star Jessica Lange relishes the return to her theatrical roots with an unforgettable rendition of the woman whose love for her husband makes a wound of her every painful reminiscence.
But for proof that living in the past doesnt equal technophobia, Derevo at the Queen Elizabeth Hall make prime picking for the mime connoisseur. Judging by their Edinburgh successes, this cult ensembles sensitivity to music, movement and light looks set to create a kaleidoscopic dream world that panders to all the senses.
And if you dont want to pay the earth for a trip down memory lane, Dylan Thomas reminiscences of childhood at the New End Theatre could be just the ticket. Lamenting the premature loss of the Welsh bard, this fusion of prose and poetry spins his imagery into drama.
None of these lyrical pieces flowed from British pens. It seems that far from brooding on how it was, London theatre is recognizing the past as a drama rich with the history of other cultures.
Up and Coming
Thur 18 January, Misdemeanours
And AKA, AKA Bar, next to The End, WC1 8pm-1am
Fri 19 January, Night People,
Bar Rumba W1 9pm-4am
Fri 19 January, Chew The
Fat, The Bug Bar, SW2 8pm-3am
Sat 19 January, Rulin, Ministry
of Sound, SE1 12.00am - 9am
Welcome to the section where
Ahoy! readers submit their top tips for visitors to London and
visitors ask for help. To ask a question or submit a tip for
your fellow readers send us an email to:
Dear London Tips,
Save pounds when you travel about London with a Travelcard. They are valid from 09.30 and you can pick the number of zones you need.
Regards Kenneth R. (London NW1, U.K.)
REPLY: Top Tip Ken. Just a little word of
explanation to the uninitiated; zones are the areas of
London. If all you want to do is buzz around on the tube and
buses in the centre choose the cheapest option covering Zone
1. Zones 2 through to 6 respectively represent concentric bands
further afield. For example, Leicester Square is in Zone 1, Heathrow
Airport is in Zone 6. (Ed).
To submit a tip for your fellow
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News from London
LondonNet Home: The big kahuna
Voodoo Lounge Compie
QUESTION: Which Caribbean Island is the home
HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do is send an email
with the subject header "Voodoo Compie" to:
RULES and INFO: First two correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 25 January 2001.
For more London clubs info
Last Issues Competition
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