I've re-converted to bikes.

When I was at University in the states, I used to have a one-geared, banana-seated cruiser, red with a bell that went "ding" when I swooped past unassuming freshman. My favourite possession, it was the envy of all my fellow biking geeks.

It was a small-town campus, you see, with strict pedestrian zones, and I could make it down the high street and around town without encountering a wheeled vehicle of any persuasion. The handlebars fit snugly into my widely outstretched hands (I had to tip the bike to get the handlebars through any regular-sized door), so I was thankful that the roads were wide enough to exempt me from scraping them alongside parked cars.

You can understand, then, my apprehension, when I decided it was time to get riding again, on London roads.

Driving in London is not an easy task, what with shoddy signage, constant jams and roads as wide as small toilet stalls, but adding buses, pedestrians and me - the inexperienced biker - often creates the feeling of perpetually moving chaos. I imagined numerous scenarios, all involving me, splayed awkwardly over various road-related articles, while furious drivers shook their fists in hatred.

Still, I am brave beyond my welfare, and unable to retract bets made to friends and my partner, so I took up my bike (this time a mountain bike with conservative handlebars and 21 gears), clipped on my extra-sturdy helmet, and merged into the biking lane.

To Wimbledon, past Battersea, Westminster, Waterloo, Tower Bridge; up the famous Greenwich hill and along the Thames, I rode. And rode and rode and you know what? Biking in London is not as terribly frightening as I had assumed. I wore my highly visible gear (accented by my highly reflective, fish-underbelly white skin), thrust my arms into signals at every slight turn, and I found that biking in London is like driving a hybrid vehicle in America: you might be small and constantly bullied by gas-guzzling SUVs, but as long as you keep your eyes on the road and your earth-friendly conscience bolstered, you'll hold your own.

For more information on biking in London, including bike routes, cycle laws and maintainence tips, click here.

Megan M. Retka

Threadneedles *****(The City)
Converted in up-to-the-minute boutique style from the imposing Banking Hall, which was built in 1856, Threadneedles is a fascinating combination of London past and London future. In the estimable view of the Hotelgenie, this is one of the very best hotels in The City of London.

Rubens*****(Buckingham Palace)
The Rubens prides itself on luxury. Sumptuously nestled close to St James's Park, the hotel offers all the peace you could wish for without compromising on easy access to tourist sites.

La Reserve***(Fulham Road)
Contemporary design is the watchword at La Reserve, where attention to the details of furniture and decorative style is immediately evident. Wooden floors and arresting blocks of colour predominate. Special Rates: Single UKP59; Double Twin UKP69; Superior Double UKP89

Flatshares:
Free updates of available rooms/tenants in your area.

The Ritz*****(Picadilly)
Opened in 1906, The Ritz has traditionally been a place to stay and meet for famous figures from the world of stage and screen, and for statesman, aristocrats and Royalty.
Single - UKP220 (Inclusive of VAT)
Superior King - UKP260 (Inclusive of VAT)
Deluxe King - UKP330 (Inclusive of VAT)

The Chesterfield ****(Mayfair)
Any hotel that offers internet access from all its rooms knows how to move with the times, although the Chesterfield's Georgian décor also respects the past. For fitness fanatics, gym passes are also avilable for the local fitness club.

The Gainsborough***(South Kensington)
Imagine an English country home magically whisked away to the most exclusive London borough, and you have The Gainsborough Hotel. Named after the celebrated artist, whose portrait of the Duchess of Richmond graces the light, spacious lounge and reception, The Gainsborough combines the attractive style of bygone days with an easy informality.

Chelsea Lodge ***(Fulham Road)
A great little hotel over one of west London's restaurants, the Chelsea Lodge scores highly for value for money, location and efficiency of service.

London Hotel Chart

(18 Aug - 1 Sept 2005)
1) Columbia
2) Commodore
3) Willet

Lausanne Palace & Spa *****
Lausanne, Switzerland
The Lausanne Palace & Spa offers a great view of beautiful Lake Geneva and the Alps. Inside, luxury is the watchword, with all the top-class facilities and levels of service to be expected from a well-run five-star establishment.

Click here for more worldwide hotels...

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We jump into the shower on a daily basis to refresh and revive ourselves, but sometimes a few worries just can’t help creeping in at the same time: "Has my bum grown overnight?!"

We’ve all been there, if only for a split second. Research by Dove Body Wash has discovered that the daily shower can be a time when we’re confronted with the naked truth of our bodies – the bits we like – AND the bits we don’t. To celebrate our bodies in all of their glory, Dove Body Wash brings you an all-female star-studded stand up comedy show to uncover the naked truth about what it’s really like to be a woman.

The Dove Body Wash Naked Truth Comedy Tour features some of Britain’s hottest comic talent including Julia Morris, Lucy Porter, Zoe Lyons, Kerry Godliman and Janice Connolly (a.k.a Mrs Barbara Nice). The tour is hosted by the brilliantly funny Arabella Weir, and kicks off at The Comedy Store in London on Monday 12th September, touring to ten more top comedy venues across the UK.

So, turn off the tap and enter to win an exclusive night of laughter at the London Comedy Store, as Dove gives away 5 pairs of tickets to the Naked Truth Comedy Tour on the 12th September. All you have to do? Answer the following question...

Question: Which of the following comedians is featured, among others, in the Naked Truth Comedy Tour?
a. Steve Coogan
b. Ru Paul
c. Zoe Lyons

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to "nakedtruthcompie@londonnet.co.uk," with the subject "Naked Truth Competition." You must include your name, email address, telephone number and postal address, to be considered for the prize.

More Necessary Info:
- NB MUST include name, email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie only - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!
- First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize
- Details will be sent to the winner
- LondonNet is not responsible for prize distribution
- The Editor's decision is final

Closing Date: Noon, Thursday 8 September, 2005.

Last Ahoy winner: Micha Wyatt

Dear LondonNet,
The "Cutty Shark"?????! For pity's sake, correct it! - Helen

Dear Helen,
Touché. Will do. - LondonNet

TALKBACK NOTES
The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website. Email: ahoy-talkback@londonnet.co.uk to submit.