THEY'RE talking about building a monorail above Oxford Street, a bit like the one that has been whisking passengers around Sydney for years.

To anyone brought up when every comic and film with a view of the future automatically included a monorail, monorails will always be cool. Even today, media imaginations are fired by the things - watch Futurama or the recently released Robots movie to see what I mean.

What's cool and what's not on the transport scene is something of a lottery. For some reason, for instance, Tube trains are pretty cool, but their overground cousins are not. Trams have an above-average cool quotient; buses, except Routemasters, don't.

It's hard to pinpoint exactly why this should be, but I suspect it's something to do with my first law of technological progress which states that the more a machine can tuck away its inner workings, the more futuristic (and therefore cool) it will appear. You can see the wheels and bogies and electric pick-ups of overground trains (yeuch), but you only get a brief glimpse of such muckiness with Tube trains and see nothing but clean lines on a monorail. That's why everyone loves the beam-down system in Star Trek where you travel with no physical appendages whatsoever.

Note: this law is not to be transferred to the world of politics, where hiding away the inner workings of power tends to lead to either antipathy or apathy. Neither is cool.

David Clee

Hotels:
The Howard - Suite Dream Package: Overnight night in one of our one room suites, with a view over the Thames River (balcony on request). Bottle of Champagne, full English breakfast for two. VIP welcome amenities. At £351.33 Including 17.5% Tax.

Bed and Breakfasts:
Hyde - Save up to 65% on the hotel's published price when you book online!

Budget:
Lincoln House - Singles UKP69; Double UKP85; Twin UKP95; Triple UKP115; Family UKP119

Flatshares:
Free updates of available rooms/tenants in your area.

The Ritz*****(Picadilly)
Opened in 1906, The Ritz has traditionally been a place to stay and meet for famous figures from the world of stage and screen, and for statesman, aristocrats and Royalty.
Single - UKP220 (Inclusive of VAT)
Superior King - UKP260 (Inclusive of VAT)
Deluxe King - UKP330 (Inclusive of VAT)

The Gore ****(Kensington Gore)
The Gore offers old fashioned comfort with up-to-date facilities and is justly famous for its mellow surroundings and intelligent, friendly staff.
Single - UKP136 (Inclusive of VAT)
Double - UKP168.03 (Inclusive of VAT)

Strand Palace Hotel ***(The Strand)
With its superb central location, Strand Palace Hotel is perfect for those wanting to explore the city. Many of London's famous landmarks are close by, including Leicester Square, Covent Garden and Theatreland.
Twin rooms from UKP37; Triple rooms from UKP32

London Hotel Chart

Top Sellers
(17 - 31 Mar 2005)
1) Commodore
2) Columbia
3) Chelsea Lodge

Featured Worldwide Hotel:

Stanhope Hotel*****
Rue du Commerce, Brussels
A luxury establishment dripping with late 19th century English charm, Brussels first 5-star hotel retains its original charm and standards in the context of up to the minute facilities. All bedrooms manage to achieve considerable individuality within the elegant late 19th century remit and all come equipped with aircon, fax, TVs with in-house movies, mini-bar and trouser press. There are two levels of suites available to the space-hungry visitor. The Palais Royal, the Museum of Ancient and Modern Art and Grand Sablon are all within a minute or two's walk west of the Stanhope.

Click here for more worldwide hotels...

School Kids' Food for the Eyes - Art panel target next generation...

Monorail Planned for Oxford Street - Train envisaged to run above shoppers...

Spend your weekend getting massaged, trimmed, cut and pampered, at the UK's largest showcase for womens' health, beauty, nutrition & well-being: The Vitality Show!

At Earl's Court from April 7-10th, the show offers numerous displays and booths from the world's best health, fitness & beauty experts, including Stila, Aqua-Detox International, Avon and many more.

LondonNet has 5 pairs of tickets to give away to the women who can answer the following question...

Question: What yoghurt/dairy company is sponsoring The Vitality Show, for the second year in a row? (Hint: click here!)

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to "VitalityShowCompie@londonnet.co.uk", with the subject header "Vitality Show Competition".

More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize! First correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the prizes, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.

Closing Date: 3pm, Monday 4 April, 2005.

Get ready for your virtual rumble, as games publisher THQ releases two of the year's best action games: Full Spectrum Warrior & The Punisher.

Created for use as a combat training tool for the US Army, Full Spectrum Warrior shows arguably the most realistic portrayal of virtual urban warfare. Users command two two squads, who complete various missions under the doctrine of the US Army, making for intense and encompassing play. On the other side of gaming, bringing the fictitious Marvel comic to life, The Punisher pits lone vigilante Frank Castle on a vengeful mission against the city's most powerful crime lords.

LondonNet has three prize packages of each game, which include:

Answer the following question, and you can win yourself one of the packs...

Question: Who publishes Full Spectrum Warrior & The Punisher? (Hint: see above...)

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to "GamesCompie@londonnet.co.uk", with the subject header "Games Competition".

More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize! First correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the prizes, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.

Closing Date: 3pm, Wednesday 6 April, 2005.

Dear LondonNet,
I knew a little about whirligig in th early 90's (letter from Maya). It was run by a young couple who lived in north lopndon and operated not just at the old Shoreditch Town Hall ( a venue let by the LB Hackney who also had some of their staff involved in the running of the fun nights) but at a couple of music festivals as well.. They were very good and I would also like to know how they are doing, if they still exist and run gigs
anymore. If anyone knows please contact Londonnet and they can let everyone know.
- Bill

Dear Bill,

I got a press release a month or two back for a whirligig night. Think it's already been and gone. Not sure if it is the start of a fresh run. Just searched for the press release but can't find it. If it does run again you'll find it here, where listings are updated every Wedneday evening. Stay tuned, because I think whirligigs are back...
- LondonNet

TALKBACK NOTES
The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website. Email: ahoy-talkback@londonnet.co.uk to submit.