It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
25 November 2004, Issue 168

www.londonnet.com / www.londonnet.co.uk


What's Up: London for Free, Offers, Attractions...
London Diary:
Entertainment: Everything to know about going out in London...
London Hotels: London and Worldwide hotel deals...
News: Latest news from London...
Competition: The funnier side of My Little Ponies...
Talkback: O Little town with Christmas Dinners...

Find out more:
Advertising Info
Subscribe/Unsubscribe to Ahoy
Hotel Genie

What's Up


Keen to laugh your face off? Find out what Rolf Harris and My Little Ponies have in common - see our Ahoy Competition, below...

Happy Thanksgiving to our American readers! May you enjoy your turkey and watch plenty of American football, couch-side.


The Gore - Winter Special
(1st Sept - 31st Dec)
Single - 109 UKP Inclusive of vat
Double - 149 UKP Inclusive of vat

Bed and Breakfasts:
Hyde - From only UKP17 per person per night!

Generator - From only UKP9 per person per night


Free updates of available rooms/tenants in your area

For the latest information and tickets for a wide range of London's premier attractions, see our regularly updated London Attractions page.

London Ice Skating
Spin away from bleary English winters on any of the assorted ice rinks around London.
Somerset House Ice Rink
- Info and tickets
Greenwich Ice Rink - Info and tickets
Hampton Court Ice Rink - Info and tickets
Kew Gardens Ice Rink - Info and tickets

Christmas Eve at Westminster Abbey
A quiet, candlelit vigil in the House of God and Kings, to honour Christmas future, past, and present...
Dec 24th, 11:30pm, UKP7, students UKP5
Westminster Abbey, Deans Yard, SW1
Tel: 0207 222 5152, Tube: Westminster
Visitors recommended to arrive an hour prior

So This is Christmas
Feed your jolly Christmas cheer with LondonNet's guide to Christmas, and check back for updates...
For more information on Regent Street Christmas Lights, Trafalgar Square Tree Lighting,
and Christmas Eve at Westminster Abbey, click here...


Top Attraction Sellers
(11 November - 24 November 2004)
1) London Eye
2) Madame Tussaud's/Planetarium
3) Leeds Castle, Canterbury & Dover Tour

London Diary

Colours of the Future

A couple of news stories this week screamed out from the future, as dreamed up by 60s and 70s optimists.

First, we have confirmation that Crossrail will finally be built. Its design - as seen in the artists’ impressions - looks like something out of Logan’s Run. Fab! Second, Tube station staff have negotiated themselves a 52 day a year holiday entitlement. Ace!

Admittedly, a lot of those days are payback for working long and unsociable hours, but to me it recalls a time when everyone assumed that, thanks to new technology, most of our lives would be spent in an idyll of hedonistic leisure-time. Again, Logan’s Run is my model, though I’d rather not have the bit where people over 30 are offed. Crazy!

Other things that we looked forward to back then included pyjamas to be worn during the daytime, vicious electric shocks delivered to miscreants by virtual security forces and funny-coloured alcoholic drinks. Luckily – and this shows the deep-rooted good taste of humankind – only the drinks have so far seen the bright light of day. Before alcopops, every drink you can think of was one or other shade of brown, from tea and coffee to beer and cola. Footballs were brown, too, and carpets and the Thames. Brown, brown, brown.

The slightly worrying thing these days is that there doesn’t seem to be the same grand imaginings of the future. Instead, nearly everyone reckons the world will be devastated via global warming. It’s a back to the future approach, though, because if the floods predicted by some climatologists come true, the resultant mud will cover everything in 70s brown. Bummer.

David Clee




Blithe Spirit
Savoy Theatre
TO RESEARCH his latest novel, author Charles Condomine (Aden Gillett) and second wife Ruth (Joanna Riding) invite madcap medium Madam Arcati (Penelope Keith) to hold a seance at their seaside mansion. They anticipate little more than some light post-dinner entertainment, but the couple's expectations are exploded when the ghost of Charles's first wife Elvira (Amanda Drew) is conjured up, plunging them all into domestic chaos. Click for full review...
Order Tickets

The Producers, Theatre Royal Drury Lane

Brooks Is The New Bard - Despite pre-opening drama, The Producers hems a new clean seam of satire in London's West End.

SHAKESPEARE was the master of manipulating the metaphorical tool of a "play within a play." But now it is the Brooks, not the Bard, who takes mirror imaging to the stage with his riotous musical, "The Producers," now playing at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane. The godfather of modern American satire, Mel Brooks recently brought the script of his 1968 film to the stage, with wild success in New York City. The London cast is headed by Lee Evans and Nathan Lane, who was rushed from the U.S. to fill the tap shoes of an ailing Richard Dreyfus.
Click for full review...
Order Tickets

LondonNet Christmas Panto Special...
The only true way to get into the Christmas spirit is to hearken back to the days of yor: those classic, snowy days of London pantomime. Sure, today's Christmas pantos include the likes of Spiderman, a Wicked Queen full of Botox and pyrotechnics, but they still hold on to that great London theatrical tradition of ... men in womens' clothes. Enjoy this year's pantos as they take the classic and twist it with loads of lime.

The Old Vic
17 Dec 2004 - 22 Jan 2005
UKP10 - 35
Written by Billie Brown, The Old Vic's Aladdin stars all the characters of British Panto. The renowned Sir Ian McKellen will don a gown as Widow Twankey, alongside Roger Allam, Sam Kelly and Maureen Lipman. Tickets are selling fast!
Order Tickets

Sleeping Beauty
Barbican Theatre
16 Dec 2004 - 11 Jan 2005
The Young Vic brings this twisted tale to the Barbican, while their South Bank home is refurbished. Parrault's old tale of a pricked finger finds a new life in true panto fashion: the Barbi's Beauty includes farting fairies and a prince more interested in catching his meal than finding a sleeping girl to kiss.

Order Tickets

Dick Whittington
Richmond Theatre
9 Dec 2005 - 16 Jan 2005
A CLASSIC panto about Dick Whittington, his cat, and London streets paved with gold.
Order Tickets

For full list of pantos, click here...

Other Christmas Specialties ...

ENB at The Coliseum
21st Dec - 8th January
ENGLISH National Ballet's extraordinary production of The Nutcracker is a feast for the senses. Vibrant, eccentric and magical; designer Gerald Scarfe and choreographer Christopher Hampson have conjured up a colourful and bold Nutcracker, now in its third year.
Get tickets fast, because it is selling quickly!

Order Tickets

Royal Ballet, Royal Opera House
2nd Dec 2004 - 14th Jan 2005
IF YOU'RE PLANNING a Christmas treat you could do far worse than witness the return of Cinderella, in this lavish new production from last Season. A downtrodden young girl, a glass slipper and a handsome prince combine to make the perfect piece of story-telling,and with a fairy godmother around, anything can happen: pumpkins become coaches, rags turn to ball gowns and there's bound to be a happy ending. Ashton's first full-length ballet, given its premiere in 1948 to great acclaim, draws together a wealth of 39 beautifully drawn characters, portrayed against the wonderfully evocative themes and colours of Prokofiev's great score.

Order Tickets


Top Theatre Sellers
(11 November - 24 November 2004)
1) Nutcracker

2) The Producers

3) Phantom of the Opera

4) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
5) Lion King

London Theatre A - Z Guide
London Theatre Reviews



New Gig Highlights:

Tony Bennett
13 & 14 April 2005, 7pm, Royal Albert Hall

"THE CHAIRMAN of the board" and "The Velvet Fog" may be gone, but Tony Bennett, their standard-singing contemporary is still going strong. Although he never achieved the fame of Frank Sinatra or Mel Torme in his early years, Bennett did make a name for himself with a few late 50s and early 60's vocal classics like "I left my heart in San Francisco". Now in his late 70s, Bennett is still hitting the road, after playing a one-off gig at Royal Festival Hall in early December, he will be playing two dates at Royal Albert Hall in the spring.
Order Tickets

Black Eyed Peas
Jan 31 2005, 7:00pm, Carling Apollo Hammersmith

IT'S BEEN a long, strange trip for Los Angeles natives Black Eyed Peas. They have been catapulted into the international mainstream enough to headline a show at the Carling Apollo Hammersmith. The band is seemingly just as concerned with aesthetics and theatrics as music, as two members of the group have roots as a break dancing crew. One might expect a hip-hop culture extravaganza set to music.
Order Tickets

Once In A Lifetime
(David Cassidy, David Essex, The Osmonds, Bay City Rollers)
June 5, 2005, 7:30pm, Wembley Pavilion

IT SHOULD be sensory overload met by a fury of more aged screams as a horde of 70's teen heartthrobs invade Wembley Pavilion in June. It'll be difficult to believe that the clock hasn't been turned back thirty years as many of the faces who filled television screens and made teenage girls scream in their bell-bottoms return to rekindle that passion on a grandiose package tour...
Click here for full preview...

Order Tickets -  First Call

The Streets
11/03/05, 7:00pm
Alexander Palace

OVER the last three years, The Streets, aka London via Birmingham DJ/rapper Mike Skinner, have turned the 2-step/garage club scene on its ear, managing to earn British hip-hop international respect as a mere by-product. Combining singing, rapping, and mock accents to release clever rhymes that drop as many cultural references as his talented American counterparts, earlier this year Skinner released a second critically acclaimed album, A Grand Don't Come For Free.

His club scene roots also translate to a stunning live show as energetic, bouncy and spontaneous as his recordings and there will be plenty of space for him to move around in the cavernous Alexandra Palace...
Click for full preview...
Order Tickets

Babyshambles Christmas Extravaganza
The Astoria
Sat December 18, 2004, 8.00 PM
Tube: Tottenham Ct. Rd.
17 UKP

In their brief existence, Babyshambles have managed to build up a massive groundswell of hype; in less than a year the band is headlining its own "Christmas Extravaganza" at the Astoria after selling out the Kentish Town Forum. This is no doubt due to the presence of talented, but very troubled frontman Pete Doherty, a former member of the Libertines. The London quartet has only a pair of singles of recorded output, but have made a name for themselves due to relentless touring. Doherty has spent much of the time in between tour in either jail or rehab and there may be a rockier road ahead. Nonetheless, if the band manages the explosive energy and infectious song writing of the Libertines (which Doherty played a key role in), this show will prove Babyshambles to be well worth the hype.
Order Tickets

The Hives
Weds April 20, 2005, 7.00PM
@ The Carling Apollo Hammersmith, Queen Caroline St., W6
Tube: Hammersmith
17.50 UKP

The Hives are the perfect example of a band in the right place at the right time. In their 11 years as a band, they have released 3 albums with the mainstream explosion of garage rock falling solidly between their 2nd album, Veni Vidi Vicious in 2000 and their reissue of Your New Favourite Band in 2002. The Swedish garage-punks were able to rest on their laurels for a little while, spending the time touring constantly with like-minded bands like the Mooney Suzuki and the Hellacopters and finding time to play massive festivals at Reading and Leeds.

On the strength of the single "Walk, Idiot Walk" the Hives have managed to prove they can pick up where they left off with Tyrannosaurus Hives, their first album of new material in four years. The band is tighter and more technical than in the past, but expect their punk energy to shine through loud and proud at this Hammersmith gig.
Order Tickets

Our Picks:

Saturday July 9 & Sunday July 10, 2005
7pm, National Bowl, Milton Keynes

OASIS has always been the Liam and Noel Gallagher show, but it has become even more so with the changes. Not that there's particularly a problem with that, as the battling brothers have managed to write many memorable songs. The question is whether past triumphs will be able to outshine their occasional onstage bickering. As their live album Familiar to Millions showed, no matter what happens, it is sure to be a rock n' roll spectacle.
- Steve Marshall

Order Tickets -  First Call (First Call Tickets)
Order Tickets - Ticketmaster (Ticketmaster)

Carling Brixton Academy
4th & 5th February 2005, 7pm

Mighty futuristic German metal: what could be better?
Order Tickets

The Astoria
5 December 2004, 7pm

Although the members of Ash are only in their mid-20's, the critically acclaimed Northern Irish rockers are already scene veterans. They come to the Astoria in support of their 5th album, Meltdown, returning to their signature sound of catchy punk tunes with a soft edge.
Order Tickets

Destiny's Child
Earl's Court
2 & 3 June 2005
UKP 30.00

Destiny's Child have not released much since 2001's Survivor (lead singer Beyonce Knowles has instead chosen to focus on successful solo projects), but fans in the UK have not forgotten the new R&B trio with a string of Top 40 hits. They swarmed Virgin Megastore at Picadilly Circus to meet and greet the band last month, leading to the impression that their Earl's Court gig will be more of the same.
Order Tickets

Velvet Revolver, London
Brixton Carling Academy 7:00pm - 21 January, 2005
Carling Appolo Hammersmith 7:00pm - 22 January 2005,
23 January 2005

Conclude the butt-rock era, and then throw those musicians into a new, upcoming band, and wage it against drugs, and what
do you get? A must see.
Order Tickets

Gig Tickets:

Top Rock & Pop Sellers
(11 November - 24 November 2004)
1) Oasis
2) Rammstein
3) Destiny's Child, London
4) Ash
5) Once In A Lifetime Tour


Classical Picks:

The Nutcracker, ENB at The Coliseum
21 December - 8 January, The Coliseum

A great Christmas treat for all the family, English National Ballet's extraordinary production of The Nutcracker is a feast for the senses. Vibrant, eccentric and magical; designer Gerald Scarfe and choreographer Christopher Hampson have conjured up a colourful and bold Nutcracker, now in its third year. More info...
Order Tickets

Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, Saddler's Wells
Lez Brotherston designs this award-winning ballet, courtesy of the creative mind of Michael Bourne. Beginning in 1995, Swan Lake is the longest-running ballet in the West End, and is sure to please crowds this Christmas.
Order Tickets

Royal Ballet, Royal Opera House
2nd Dec 2004 - 14th Jan 2005

IF YOU'RE PLANNING a Christmas treat you could do far worse than witness the return of Cinderella, in this lavish new production from last Season. A downtrodden young girl, a glass slipper and a handsome prince combine to make the perfect piece of story-telling, and with a fairy godmother around, anything can happen: pumpkins become coaches, rags turn to ball gowns and there's bound to be a happy ending. Ashton's first full-length ballet, given its premiere in 1948 to great acclaim, draws together a wealth of 39 beautifully drawn characters, portrayed against the wonderfully evocative themes
and colours of Prokofiev's great score.
Order Tickets

New Shows at Saddlers Wells:

The Four Elements
Sadlers Wells
17-19 Jan 05

Four artists, four elements, four styles unite in this unique performance, bringing together some of the most talented flamenco puro and contemporary artists.
Order Tickets

Ballet Flamenco Sara Baras In Suenos (Dreams)

Sadlers Wells
20-23 Jan 05

Opening the festival is one of Spain's most popular traditional flamenco dancers, Sara Baras. Known for her brilliant footwork and powerful presence, she is joined by her company of eight dancers and seven musicians.
Order Tickets

Ballet Flamenco Eva Yerbabuena in 5 Woman 5
Sadlers Wells
24-27 Jan 05
Eva Yerbabuena is regarded as one of the most important female dancer / choreographers in flamenco today. Her visit to Sadler's Wells in 2002 won her the Time Out Best Performance of the Year and she returns to demonstrate her pure and timeless flamenco style.
Order Tickets

Compania Miguel Angel Berna - Mudejar
Sadlers Wells
28-29 Jan 05
The Paganini of castanets, Miguel Angel Berna and his company set pure flamenco dance to traditional Spanish folk music. Reinventing Spanish dance, he creates a whole new form through his fresh and intelligent interpretations of the traditions.
Order Tickets

Classical Tickets:

Top Classical Sellers
(11 November - 24 November)
1) Nutcracker, The Coliseum
2) Matthew Bourne, Sadlers Wells
3) Cinderella, Royal Opera House
4) Pirates of Penzance, ENO
5) Romeo and Juliet, The Coliseum



I Heart Huckabees (15)
Comedy (2004) 106mins US
Director: David O Russell
Starring: Jason Schwartzman, Jude Law, Naomi Watts, Mark Wahlberg
Albert Markovski (Jason Schwartzman thinks a seven-foot African holds the keys to his existence. A failing environmental campaigning career and a fictional love life leads him to the offices of Bernard and Vivian Jaffe (Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin), Existential Detectives who investigate the inner-rungs of their clients' lives, for clarity in their scope of reality and life in general. The Jaffe's are immediately pulled to Brad Stand (Jude Law), a corporate shark, and his girlfriend Dawn (Naomi Watts), who both work for Huckabees, a chain of super-stores threatening to expand into the precious marshland that Markovski has fought to keep. Markovski is quickly paired up with petroleum-hating fire fighter Tommy (Mark Wahlberg), and in an exercise that is supposed to bring him clarity, he begins to lost faith that the detectives will sort out his life. The surprising arrival of nihilist philosopher Caterine Vauban (Isabelle Huppert) throws a wrench in the spokes of the investigation, and Markovksi wonders if his upturned life will ever stop spinning...
Click for full review...
Showing at these cinemas...


Anatomy Of Hell (Anatomie De L'Enfer) (18)
Beyond The Sea (12A)
Enduring Love (15)
The Forgotten (12A)
The Incredibles (U)
My House In Umbria (12A)

Check listings closely!

The Polar Express (U)
William Shakespeare's The Merchant Of Venice (PG)


Interview With Cast of Churchill: The Hollywood Years
LondonNet talks to Christian Slater (an American Winston Churchill), Neve Campbell (a young Princess Elizabeth), Mackenzie Crook (the cheeky Irish cockney Jimmy Charoo) and director Peter Richardson about the Hollywood side of history...
Click here for more...


A to Z of London Cinemas
A to Z of Films showing in London this week


Complete History Of America (Abridged) - Criterion Theatre
Just after a certain election, from November 2nd
Order Tickets

Bill Bailey (Part Troll) – Apollo Theatre
Order Tickets

The Comedy Store
London's most popular comedy club has been
splitting sides for twenty two years now.
The likes of Paul Merton, Jack Dee and Jo
Brand have all taken to the stage here.
Click here for info...



Quentin Blake At Christmas
Dulwich Picture Gallery
27 October 2004- 16 January 2005, 10am - 5pm (T-F); Saturdays, Sundays and Bank Holiday Mondays 11am - 5pm; Closed Mondays except Bank Holidays; Also closed New Year's Day, Good Friday and 24 - 26 December
UKP7, UKP6 OAPs, UKP3 other concessions; Children are free.

QUENTIN Blake has an innate grasp of form: what looks, at close inspection, like a drawing experiment done while on a bumpy road is, at a larger gaze, the quiet colloquialisms of the human body. This integrity is scattered throughout a number of mediums and examples, and The Dulwich Picture Gallery has collected a fair few for a Christmas look at Quentin Blake's life in art... - Megan M. Retka
Click for full review...



To purchase tickets for a selection of leading London Club venues try our
online service. You'll have the peace of mind of knowing you've got your
tickets and at most venues you'll be able to jump the ticket queue. Venues featured include:
- Fabric
- The End
- Borderline
- The Cross


Clandestino(club night)
(2nd birthday party, 7 November 2004)
1st Sunday of the month, 10PM-6AM, 15UKP, 12UKP concessions
Genre: House
AKA and the End
18 West Central Street
Tube: Tottenham Ct. Rd. and Holborn

Eye Candy for the exclusive everyman: Clandestino has an identity crisis, but remains entertaining...

LEAVE IT UP to the AKA and the End to brew up a night like "Clandestino". The indignity of epic, seemingly unceasing queues are made up for by epic, seemingly unceasing entertainment. Even the queues are entertaining, as bizarre street entertainers relieve frustration. On the night's 2nd birthday (7 November), a guy who appeared to be dressed as a matador, drinking wine and doing acrobatic gymnastic stunts provided this spark. No one knew whether he actually worked for AKA and the End or not, and no one seemed to particularly care - it made the wait easier....
Click for full review...


Based on Page Visits on LondonNet (6 November)
1) The End
2) Fabric
3) The Cross
Click for Club Venues and Listings
Club Tickets

London Hotels

Exclusive Deal >>

Melia White House **** (Regents Park)
Double rooms from 99 UKP

High levels of facilities, including a health
and fitness centre, and service coupled with a
fine restaurant and handy central location make for
an excellent choice of London hotel. Set next to
Regent's Park (the one that contains London Zoo), the
White House is within walking distance of Oxford Street
and the British Museum. Via the nearby Great Portland
Street underground station, the rest of London's
attractions are within easy reach. Rooms feature a
long list of facilities including satellite TV, radio,
voice-mail, hair-dryer, tea/coffee making equipment,
mini-bar and trouser press. No smoking rooms are
available on a special floor and the outstanding Royal
Service Floor at the top of the hotel provides penthouse
accommodation plus a host of executive add-ons.


The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
Style, sophistication and old-fashioned levels of genuine service
come together at one of the world's legendary hotels. New even
better exclusive rates for 2004, with half price deals on selected

The Gore**** (Knightsbridge)
Winter Special
(1st Sept - 31st Dec)
Single - 109 UKP Inclusive of vat
Double - 149 UKP Inclusive of vat

The Hyde Hotel *** (Paddington)
Comfortable three star hotel offering the best value ever on LondonNet
Just 55UKP for a double room!


Top Sellers
(11 November - 24 November)
1) Columbia Hotel
2) Swissotel the Howard
3) The Royal Garden

Best Value Accommodation for 2004:
Bed and Breakfasts
Budget Hostels

New additions and highlights from our sister site Hotelgenie.

The Burj Al Arab, Dubai:
Burj Al Arab is the world's only seven-star hotel
and any reservations you may have about such a title
will be quickly dispelled by the sheer magnificence
and splendour of this project. No other hotel has such a
striking presence inside or out and no other boasts
such refined and attentive levels of customer care and
experience. Hotelgenie.com has secured exclusive
discounts to bring this incredible hotel within the reach
of many dream-seekers.


Infidelity Runs in the Blood - London researchers find genetic links to affairs (more...)
Queen Puts Crossrail On Track - Transport double boost as Tube staff back late-nights (more...)



Perrier Comedy Award Winner Wil Hodgson is well liked for his quips on drug bores, Rolf Harris and pop culture. The List says that 'Wil Hodgson's frantically hilarious routine is about being an outsider, but then what would you expect from a mohicaned ex-skinhead with tattoos and makeup who has a My Little Pony fixation'. Win two tickets to the Dec 2nd show at Soho Theatre if you can answer the following extremely difficult question...

Question: What bubbly mineral water company gave Wil Hodgson a Comedy Award?

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer to "HodsonCompie @londonnet.co.uk", with the subject header "Hodgson Competition".

More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie - guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!

Even More Info: First correct answer out of the Editor's hat win the prizes, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.

Closing Date: 3pm, 29 November, 2004.

Last Ahoy! winners: Mette Flakstad, from Wimbledon, who will practice puck-dribbling and speedskating techniques at Kew Gardens Ice Rink; Lulu Ho from Waterloo, who will practice her toe-pic stops at Greenwich Ice Rink, and Janice Jones from Chiswick, who will take her royal skates and bow before Hampton Court.


Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.

Readers say their piece
Send mail to: ahoy-talkback@londonnet.co.uk


The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.


I'm looking for a restaurant serving dinner on Christmas Eve, with a choir performing carols. Think some hotels have done this in the past, but how do I find out where to book this year?
- Gill


LondonNet is constantly updating its Christmas Feature, which includes a lengthy set of options for Christmas dinners, crackers and - of course - Father Christmas. As for carols, some hotels offer carol singing, and if not, you can hire us out as a choir (although we tend to perform an acapella version of the Mariah Carey Christmas album more than, say, 'traditional' carols). I'll warn you that we've been called tone-deaf a few times and have recieved a gentle shower of vegetables on more than one occasion...

Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la la-la, LONDONNET

That's All,Folks...


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Copyright 1996-2004. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by LondonNet Limited.All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole, or in part, without the express written consent of the publisher. Registered Address: LondonNet, Hoppingwood Farm, Robin Hood Way, London, SW20 0AB