It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
4 October 2004, Issue 164
www.londonnet.com / www.londonnet.co.uk


What's Up:
London for Free, Offers, Attractions
London Diary:Treat Smokers Like Cattle
Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema, Art, Restaurants and everything to know about going out in London
London Hotels:
London and Worldwide hotel deals
News: Latest news from London
Competition: Know your contemporary Jazz musicians?
Talkback: A new cinema door for romantic Eddie?

Find out more:
Advertising Info
Subscribe/Unsubscribe to Ahoy
Hotel Genie


What's Up





New Style Ahoy!

Sometimes things need to change -- become neater, calmer, and gently mature with age. At LondonNet, we are not cheese. We have, however, thrown some of our creative energies into nurturing Ahoy! into its current blossoming state. We like things simple and easy for our readers to read, and we hope that this attempt at transformation is well recieved. Send us your clever, fiery comments, intriguing questions and heart-felt concerns. We'd like to hear them: [email protected]

Advertising Feedback

We've had a sack of mail about the recent 'overlay' ads appearing throughout our entertainment section.

As you acknowledged in the feedback, we are a commercial site and for us, adverts are the staple. That said, we live and die on the goodwill of our audience and we do not intend to flush out the baby with the bathwater.

I agreed to the campaign to test the reaction to these new style ads as we have been looking for ways to diversify from using conventional pop up ads, which also annoy many. While response rates have been very good to the new format, complaints have been voluble too.

If we are to run similar ads again we will insist that the volume is lighter and the frequency lower.

Thanks for your patience, and as ever, please keep sending the feedback, even if, as on this occasion, it is negative.

(Peter D. Clee, Publisher)




The Gore - Winter Special
(1st Sept - 31st Dec)
Single - 109 UKP Inclusive of vat
Double - 149 UKP Inclusive of vat

Bed and Breakfasts:
Hyde - From only UKP17 per person per night!

Generator - From only UKP9 per person per night


Free updates of available rooms/tenants in your area

For the latest information and tickets for a wide range of London's premier attractions see our regularly updated London Attractions page.

On sale Friday 1 October
Somerset House Ice Rink - London
London's most beautiful outdoor ice rink returns for a fifth year. Whether you're an able skater or an absolute beginner, Somerset House Ice Rink is London's essential winter experience right in the heart of central London. Click here to buy tickets.

Top Attraction Sellers - (10 August - 1 October 2004)
1) London Eye
2) Madame Tussaud's/Planetarium
3) Summer Opening of the Houses of Parliament Tour
4) Tower of London
5) The London Dungeon

Treat Smokers Like Cattle
by David Clee

LONDON Mayor Ken Livingstone has pioneered the use of little personal bins for smokers known as Stubbies. Unfortunately, smokers at his HQ are not fond of the things and continue to chuck their cigarette ends on the street. It might be a slightly dubious premise that what happens at the Mayor's office today will happen across London tomorrow, but what happens to tomorrow's fag butts is likely to become a burning issue in the years ahead in any case.

Not many offices allow smoking these days, so a culture has emerged of huddled groups of nicotine fans puffing away outside their places of work. When they all go back inside, hey presto, there's a cute pile of smouldering filters to remind the world of their presence.

Stubbies are never going to work. For a start, smokers hate them. For a finish, smokers really hate them, which means that even if forced to use the things, they are more than likely to start a kind of guerilla campaign, turning the instruments of torture on the oppressor. There'll be crazy scenes of office civil war where smokers jump from behind non-smokers and shove open Stubbies in their faces. "Smell that, you cancer-free health-freak!"

Instead, the Mayor and other office managers need to find a tool that will encourage smokers to dispose of their drugs properly, which is where the cows come in. Yes, cows. Last year, the West End was brightened up by the presence of hundreds of funny fake cows that served no purpose other than to raise general levels of merriment. Bring these back, I say, but with the addition of a suitably placed hole at one end into which cigarettes can be placed. It's what the phrase 'fag-butt' was invented for.


Murderous Instincts, The Savoy Theatre

Not A Mild Sort of Spicy -
Breaking down the straightbacked chairs of evening theatre, Murderous
Instincts pours out the eccentric, lavish notes of salsa over its a-bit-more-restrained counterparts.

"Money is good, it's just misunderstood," belts out Lauren Buckingham, and so begins lyrical money-grubbing of the riotous new
musical/comedy, Murderous Instincts, playing at the Savoy Theatre. Set to a salsa beat and transplanted straight from the streets of Puerto Rico before making its Broadway debut, Murderous Instincts follows the complete unhinging of the Buckingham family following the death of its repressed and commandeering patriarch...
(Allison Retka)

Click for full review

Top Theatre Sellers - (10 September - 30 September 2004)
1) Phantom of the Opera
2) Les Miserables
3) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
4) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
5) The Lion King


London Theatre A - Z Guide
London Theatre Reviews


New Gig Highlights:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Carling Brixton Academy
15 November, 7.00 PM, UKP20

Love them or hate them, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are hard to ignore. Flamboyant songstress Karen O. prevents them from being just another fashionable New York garage punk band. Her vocals are a banshee wail that combines a Johnny Rotten-like sneer with schoolgirl squeals. The trio is still running strong the strength of their chaotic breakthrough full length, Fever to Tell. UK audiences can expect an indomitable thrashing bundle of energy that will not be toned down for audiences across the pond.

Our Picks:

Nekromantix with Death Valley Surfers and Shark Soup
The Garage
15 October, 7.00 PM, UKP10
Denmark's decidedly scarier answer to the Reverend Horton Heat invades the Garage on October 15. They haven't quite been able to ride the goth-punk/psychobilly wave to success or gotten the acclaim of Hellcat Records label-mates Tiger Army, but their 2002 album, Return of the Loving Dead proved them to be one few musical and spiritual heirs to the Misfits. Their sixth album and latest take on forcibly mating Fifties rockabilly with punk rock and dark lyrical imagery is Dead Girls Don't Cry.

Har Mar Superstar
The Mean Fiddler
12 October, 7.00 PM, UKP10
In simplistic terms, Har Mar Superstar can be summed up as the closest thing to Peaches' male counterpart. He combines soulful crooning with dirty dancing and comedic striptease, an impressive feat as the artist
is a chubby white guy from Minnesota. Surprisingly, his intriguing brand of funk meets sleazy R&B has the substance to back up this act. This odd juxtaposition comes to the Mean Fiddler on October 12.

Gig Tickets:

Top Rock & Pop Sellers
(10 September - 1 October 2004)
1. Diana Krall, Royal Albert Hall
2. Interpol, The Forum
3. Papa Roach, The Astoria
4. REM, London, Hyde Park
5. Neurosis, The Forum


Royal Ballet, Royal Opera House
2nd Dec 2004 - 14th Jan 2005

IF YOU'RE PLANNING a Christmas treat you could do far worse than
witness the return of Cinderella, in this lavish new production
from last Season. A downtrodden young girl, a glass slipper and
a handsome prince combine to make the perfect piece of story-telling,
and with a fairy godmother around, anything can happen: pumpkins
become coaches, rags turn to ball gowns and there's bound to be
a happy ending. Ashton's first full-length ballet, given its premiere
in 1948 to great acclaim, draws together a wealth of 39 beautifully
drawn characters, portrayed against the wonderfully evocative themes
and colours of Prokofiev's great score.

Andrea Bocelli, Wembley Arena,
7th Nov 2004

Top Classical Sellers - (26 August - 9 September 2004)
1. Andrea Bocelli, Wembley Arena
2. Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, Sadler's Wells
3. Così fan tutte, Royal Opera, Royal Opera House
4. Don Giovanni, ENO, The Coliseum
5. San Francisco Ballet, Sadler's Wells


Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (PG)
Action (2004) 106mins UK
Director: Kerry Conran
Starring: Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie,
Giovanni Ribisi
NEW YORK CITY is in a state of panic: renowned scientists are vanishing all over the globe, and enormous, laser-shooting robots have trampled the streets. Investigative reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow) is on the trail, searching up a story and recruiting the help of her ex-flame Captain H. Joseph Sullivan (Jude Law), known to the world as the courageous and daredevil Sky Captain...

Click for full review


Dead Man's Shoes(18)
Layer Cake (15)
The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers (15)
Mambo Italiano(15)
Metallica - Some Kind Of Monster (15)
Princesa (18)
Saw (18)


Bride & Prejudice (12A)


A to Z of London Cinemas
A to Z of Films showing in London this week

Harry Hill tour – Nationwide
The self-styled floppy-collared-clown-prince-of-daft is back with another full show of fun, mayhem and swingball. Expect fresh insights into the horse, Nan and what to do with your key when you go swimming. Featuring: Stouffer the Channel 4 Cat, Gary (Harry’s son from his first marriage), Harry Hill senior and TV show band The Harrys with star of Radio2 ’s Jammin’ Steve Brown.
Click here to buy tickets

Bill Bailey (Part Troll) – Apollo Theatre
Click here to buy tickets.

The Comedy Store
London's most popular comedy club has been
splitting sides for twenty two years now.
The likes of Paul Merton, Jack Dee and Jo
Brand have all taken to the stage here.
Click here for info and tickets


Christopher Dresser
The Victorian & Albert Museum
Cromwell Road, SW7
Tube: South Kensington, Gloucester Road, Knightsbridge
Thursday 9 September-Sunday 5 December 2004
10:00 - 5:45 M-F except W, 10 - 10pm
UKP6, senior citizens: UKP4, full time students and 12-17 year olds: UKP3

Fab Guy - In traditional V&A inimitability, this autumn's Christopher Dresser exhibition offers a look at the origin of home improvement TV.

He could do your garden and redesign your house before the time of
television, all with more thrift and ingenuity than we know today. Christopher Dresser (1834 - 1904), who was one of the first to dabble in
botany, ceramics, metalwork, interior and furniture, introduced the practicalities of design to the Victorian masses, thereby ensuring a future
of happy-looking-British homes.
(Megan M. Retka)

Click for full review


To purchase tickets for a selection of leading London Club venues try our
online service. You'll have the peace of mind of knowing you've got your
tickets and at most venues you'll be able to jump the ticket queue. Venues featured include:
- Fabric
- The End
- Borderline
- The Cross


27-28 Endell Street,
Covent Garden, WC2H 9BA
Tube: Covent Garden

Jazz For The Larger Pockets - Recessed lighting, a gourmet cocktail menu and a few oil portraits can't bring Armstrong back to Octave. Still, London's newest jazz club brings promising crowds and quasi-Jazz enthusiasts who like their Mojitos expensive, and their jazz small...
Click for Full Review

Metro Club
Bedrock @ Metro Club
19-23 Oxford Street W1D 2DN
Fridays 10:30PM-3AM,
tube: Tottenham Court Road
UKP7, UKP6 w/flyer, UKP5 before Midnight
DJs: Mac (Popscene), Little Chris (Collide-A-Scope), and Jamie (Candybox)

Proof That British Hipsters Have More Fun - In America, hipsters belong to a smug, arrogant social clique who will only condescend to dance or sing along to songs for the sake of irony or to impress others with their knowledge of obscure music. Waiting in the queue outside Metro on a Friday night, then, it was worrying to see that many people shared the same mock-hawks and uber-trend dress of their American counter-parts. Upon entry, however, it was easy to see their attitudes couldn't be further apart. This wasn't a social club - it was rock n' roll...
Click Here for Full Review

Based on Page Visits on LondonNet (10 September - 1 October 2004)
1) Fabric
2) The End
3) Metro Club
4) The Cross
5) Bar Rumba

Click for Club Venues and Listings

Club Tickets


Exclusive Deal: Melia White House **** (Regents Park)
Double rooms from 99 UKP

High levels of facilities, including a health
and fitness centre, and service coupled with a
fine restaurant and handy central location make for
an excellent choice of London hotel. Set next to
Regent's Park (the one that contains London Zoo), the
White House is within walking distance of Oxford Street
and the British Museum. Via the nearby Great Portland
Street underground station, the rest of London's
attractions are within easy reach. Rooms feature a
long list of facilities including satellite TV, radio,
voice-mail, hair-dryer, tea/coffee making equipment,
mini-bar and trouser press. No smoking rooms are
available on a special floor and the outstanding Royal
Service Floor at the top of the hotel provides penthouse
accommodation plus a host of executive add-ons.

Three of the Best:

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
Style, sophistication and old-fashioned levels of genuine service
come together at one of the world's legendary hotels. New even
better exclusive rates for 2004, with half price deals on selected

The Gore**** (Knightsbridge)
Winter Special
(1st Sept - 31st Dec)
Single - 109 UKP Inclusive of vat
Double - 149 UKP Inclusive of vat

The Hyde Hotel *** (Paddington)
Comfortable three star hotel offering the best value ever on LondonNet
Just 55UKP for a double room!

Top Sellers (10 September - 1 October 2004)
1) Columbia
2) Melia White House
3) The Ritz

Best Value Accommodation for 2004:
Bed and Breakfasts:
Budget Hostels:

New additions and highlights from our sister site Hotelgenie.

- The Burj Al Arab, Dubai:
Burj Al Arab is the world's only seven-star hotel
and any reservations you may have about such a title
will be quickly dispelled by the sheer magnificence
and splendour of this project. No other hotel has such a
striking presence inside or out and no other boasts
such refined and attentive levels of customer care and
experience. Hotelgenie.com has secured exclusive
discounts to bring this incredible hotel within the reach
of many dream-seekers.


Knightley is Sexiest MovieStar of All Time
London teenager beats screen legends in poll
Lon-Diversity On the Rise
Another borough posts non-white majority

Click here for more LondonNet news stories...



To celebrate the opening of 'Octave', Covent Garden's hottest new jazz haven, we are offering one lucky winner and a friend the chance to win an evening of live jazz, dinner and a plentiful supply of exotic cocktails. 'Octave', in the heart of London's west end is set to attract a young, cosmopolitan, vibrant crowd and with live jazz every week, lunch and dinner menus and a cocktail bar specialising in Mojitos and Caiprinhas, there is something for everyone.
To enter this fantastic giveaway please answer the question below:

What contemporary jazz artist won the 'Best Breakthrough Artist' title at this year's Brit Awards?
· Jamie Cullum
· Jamie Griffiths
· Jamie Green

How to Enter: Send an email with the correct answer and subject header "Octave Jazz Night Competiton" to: [email protected]

More Necessary Info: NB Include email, telephone number
and postal address (which will only be used for this compie - guaranteed).
If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!

Even More Info: First correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the
prizes, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.

Closing Date: 3pm, 4 October 2004

Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.

Readers say their piece
Send mail to: [email protected]

The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness.

We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of course feedback about the newsletter or website.


I like going out to the cinema, usually Surrey Quays and like the family friendly atmosphere when with my children. But i would appreciate the option of a more sophisticated 'adult setting' when i go with my wife; a quieter 'wine-bar' atmosphere where we can relax away from kids, popcorn etc etc. This could be achieved by making a separate side entrance to one, or all of the present screens and I think it would be very popular. Eddie



We wish that we could tear down walls and put up a proper bar at Surrey Quays for you, but until we persuade them through a few minor building permits, we suggest taking your wife on an amorous walk/ride to the Greenwich cinema, where a proper bar and a few romantic comedies await you.



HotelGenie: Our handpicked selection of fine European hotels.

If you want targeted hits for your website, why not sponsor an issue of AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter.

For info mail us at: [email protected]
or click here for more info

For details of cost effective banner advertising on LondonNet please email: mailto:[email protected]

Copyright 1996-2004. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by LondonNet Limited.All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole, or in part, without the express written consent of the publisher. Registered Address: LondonNet, Hoppingwood Farm, Robin Hood Way, London, SW20 0AB


London Diary
London Hotels
That's All,Folks...