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AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
26 March 2004, Issue 151

LondonNet Homepage
LondonNet Homepage:

AHOY! Contents:
1. WHAT'S UP: London for Free, Offers, Attractions
2. LONDON DIARY: Putting Out The Ritz
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema
4. HOTELS: London and Worldwide hotel deals
5. NEWS: Latest news from London
6. COMPETITION: - The Belles of St Trinians Competition
7. TALKBACK: Cinema Listings
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1. WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet

- LLGFF The Belles of St Trinians Competition
This week we have two tickets to the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival screening of The Belles of St Trinians on Saturday 3 April at the NFT.
- Scroll down for competition details.




- The Gore (Hotel of the Year 2001) UKP129 double rooms (save UKP61)

Bed and Breakfast:
- Hyde from only UKP17 per person per night

- Generator from UKP9 per person per night

- Free updates of all available rooms or tenants in your area


- For the latest information and tickets for a wide range of London's
premier attractions see our reqularly updated London Attractions page.
Top Sellers (11 - 25 March 04)
1) London Eye
2) RHS Chelsea Flower Show
3) Madame Tussaud's/Planetarium
4) Summer Opening of the Houses of Parliament Tour
5) The Original London Sightseeing Tour



HOTELGENIE: Our handpicked selection of fine European hotels.


- Putting Out The Ritz


Last week brought news of one of the most entertaining crime stories in years.

Three people are alleged to have plundered UKP3 million from the Ritz casino by use of mobile phones and lasers in a hi-tech sting on the roulette tables. The case is on-going so it might pick up a bit of publicity in the near future, but so far I’ve been a bit disappointed by the general lack of oomph given to the story. This thing is pure gold. If I were a movie producer, I would have already bought the film rights for the alleged scam, though who from, I’m not quite sure.

The alleged con involved two Albanian men and a Hungarian woman, the latter described as ‘glamourous’. Sometimes that word means only that the woman in question is not wearing a shell-suit but let’s be positive and assume she’s Mata Hari as played by Great Garbo. There you go, easypeasy, foreign gangsters and love triangle storylines to mix in with the whole painstaking development of sophisticated gadgetry stuff that would obviously build tension in the first reel.

Lurking somewhere in the background, I think we’d have some characters with murky and sinister terrorist links to give the film some gravitas, the parts possibly to be played by Tony Blair and Colonel Gadafi. (David Clee)




Theatre Preview:
- The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) @ Criterion
It is nothing short of a tragedy that these actors are not as renowned in
the comedy world as other troupes such as the Kids in the Hall, Second City,
the Groundlings, or even the sacred cows of ensemble comedy: Saturday Night
Live and Monty Python. From the opening act, the actors are inciting the
audience to participate and then just as quickly mock them with wit that
even the best of improvisational actors have trouble mastering. Shakespeare
plays we all had to read in school come to a new life in these screamingly
funny renditions, and what's most ironic is that Shakespeare's comedies are
actually the least funny of his work. The actors will admit that the
perverse tragedies are the most enjoyable in that they can be the most

Composed of all men, the troupe performs the shows as they would have been
done in Shakespeare's day: by having men dress as women and using complex
poetic sentence structures to say something that could have been said in
three words. But they make no apologies for stumbling over lines. In fact,
it's built into the script, so that you can catch them doing it and they can
in turn make fun of you. As was the case in Shakespeare's original texts,
innuendo finds its way into even the most tame of topics, making it that
much more entertaining. At no point in the two hours should you be even
thinking of your watch. Indeed, when they've finished their second encore,
you'll feel that's a bit of a tragedy, but then again, all's well that ends
(Patrick Garvin, mailto:[email protected])

Special Deals:
Les Misérables @ Queen's Theatre - Top price tickets for only UKP25...
Jerry Springer - The Opera @ Cambridge Theatre - UKP25 tickets for theatregoers aged 25 and under...
Tango Por Dos @ Peacock Theatre - Best available tickets only UKP19.50...

- Theatre Tickets
Top Sellers (11 - 25 March 04)
1) Phantom of the Opera
2) The Lion King
3) Thoroughly Modern Millie
4) Anything Goes
5) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

- Theatre: A to Z of Shows
Our guide to all the leading musicals and dramas running or soon to open in
the West End. With quick links to previews, reviews and ticket pages.



Preview: Violent Femmes: The Astoria
3 May 2004, 7.00 p.m.

Milwaukee trio Violent Femmes led the way for the Midwest's alternative
indie scene in the mid-1980s. Poppier than Husker Du, lighter than R.E.M.
and naughtier than They Might Be Giants, the band was one the icons of
college radio rock and is now seen as one of the quintessential acts of that
decade. It may have taken a few listens to really grasp what "Blister In The
Sun" or "Add It Up" were really about, but they are still good, danceable
rock songs. Singer Gordon Gano might be 40, but he still sounds like a nasal
15-year-old. They've been playing their native Wisconsin every year for
almost a decade; they do it all the time (yeah, yeah), but they don't always
get across the pond. Check them out this time around. I hope you know this
is going on your permanent record.
Patrick Garvin (mailto:[email protected])


Rock and Pop

- Gig Highlight:
The Streets, Brixton Academy

Fri 21st May 2004, UKP17.50


- Gig Listings:
Our list of forthcoming London gigs. Plan your gigging and book your tickets

Top Sellers (11 - 25 March 04)
1. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Hyde Park
2. The Streets, Brixton Academy
3. The Von Bondies, The Astoria
4. Peaches, The Astoria
5. Gomez, Apollo Hammersmith



Classical and Dance

- Carmen, Savoy Theatre (3 July - 11 September 2004)
Bizet's great masterpiece bursts from start to finish with a score that is
amongst the best known in opera. Gypsies, soldiers, smugglers and toreadors
add colour and excitement to the story of the doomed love of Don Jose and
the fickle gypsy-girl, Carmen. The final juxtapostion of roaring crowds and
violent death is horrifyingly breathtaking.
Conducted by Stuart Stratford. Directed by Gale Edwards.

Top Sellers (11 - 25 March 04)
1. Pavarotti, Leeds Castle, Kent
2. The Magic Flute, ENO
3. Tosca, ENO
4. Carmen
5. The Mikado, ENO
- Tickets:



- Film Of The Week
The Passion Of The Christ (18)

Drama (2004) 126mins (with subtitles) US
Director: Mel Gibson
Starring: James Caviezel, Maia Morgenstern, Monica Bellucci

Rarely has a movie about Christ come out without any fanfare, so it's no
surprise that Mel Gibson's "The Passion Of The Christ" has raised eyebrows
and earned the disdain of critics. But this film's protestors are not
conservative Christians and Catholics so much as they are Jewish people
defending their ancestors against the belief that it was the Jews - and not
the Romans - who instigated the killing of Christ.

Thus, the film garnered attention before anyone had even seen it, by
religious and by the just plain squeamish. As a film that's been equally
praised and attacked, it's a film that has lived up to all of its hype.

The film's visual, graphic nature that tells of Christ's physical suffering
is what sets it apart from its predecessors. The whole movie looked like a
beautiful painting, and for good reason: the cinematographers modelled the
shots and lighting after specific paintings of Christ. Furthermore, the
characters are mainly played by unknown actors, allowing the characters to
take lives of their own.

The plot is not innovative or inventive. The story of Jesus has been around
for 2,000 years, and many movies choose to just tell it in its straight
traditional mode. Regardless of one's religious or spiritual feelings, the
scenes where Christ sweats, bleeds, stumbles and falls are all the more
dramatic because of the minimal amount of dialogue.

Perhaps these scenes are too dramatic, too intense. The torture scenes drag
on longer than necessary. It doesn't take much to convince viewers that
crucifixion was a gory process, but the blood-soaked scenes will make most
people wince.
Harper Smith and Patrick Garvin

- Other New Films This Week
Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (PG)
Dawn Of The Dead (18)
Fear X (12A)
The Station Agent (15)
Under The Tuscan Sun (12A)
Welcome To The Jungle (12A)

Special Previews
The Cat In The Hat (PG)
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (PG)

- Listings
A to Z of London Cinemas:
A to Z of Films showing in London this week:


Best way to soak up the sights of the city as you wine and dine
- Cruises on the Thames...



Pump Up The Volume @ The Underworld
Review Date: 20 February 2004

Camden Town is where you'll find what you have in your mind's eye as the
image of London's punk and indie sub-cultures: nose-ring chains, 12 inch
mohawks, pink hair, leather jackets, matted hair, camouflage cargo pants and
boots. It's only fitting that this retro-driven throwback of a neighbourhood
is home to an '80s club night. And these hard-edged folk don't eschew the
club night; they're in line with the rest of us who want nothing more than
to end the week doing the cabbage patch.

The playlist at Pump Up The Volume doesn't pick up speed till around
midnight, but that doesn't mean they're playing soft rubbish. Curtis
Mayfield, Parliament and Otis Redding set the stage for Bow Wow Wow and
Robert Palmer. And then it happens; the skies separate and through the
flashing lights, the gods of retro fall down into The Underworld and don't
go home until 3 a.m.

Check out this playlist from a Friday a few weeks ago: Clash City Rockers
(The Clash), Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Wham), Notorious (Duran Duran),
Express Yourself (Madonna), Blue Monday (New Order), Close to Me (The Cure),
This Charming Man (The Smiths), Head Over Heels (Tears for Fears), Billy
Jean (Michael Jackson). Furthermore, they pumped out some Public Enemy, Kim
Wilde's Kids In America and Guns 'N' Roses' Sweet Child O' Mine. And that
was all in one span, as in, all that music was played next to each other and
was not interrupted by anything hokey.

It's a basement club with a simple layout and structure. Everything is wood,
from the bars to the dance floors to the walls to the ceilings. The main bar
greets you as you first walk down the stairs, and then you see the dance
floor, down a couple stairs and round, like an altar of sorts. The light
scheme is simple, as it's pitch black with lights shooting this way and
that. Perfect for the Gen-Y kid who wants to feel as though he's gone back
in time to 1984. Patrick Garvin (mailto:[email protected])

The Underworld
174 Camden High Street NW1 0NE
Tel: 020 7482 1932
Tube: Camden Town
Fridays, 11pm-3am

- London Clubs Chart: Most Popular Venues
(Based on Page Visits on LondonNet, Top Sellers 11 - 25 March 04)
1) Cargo
2) 333
3) Metro Club
4) Bar Rumba
5) Turnmills

- Club Venues and Listings




The Hempel - Special Offer
UKP215 per room per night room only - reduced from UKP275+VAT for a Double
Superior Room.
The Hempel is a thoroughly modern hotel that prides itself on high-tech
chic. The brainchild of designer Anouska Hempel, this labour of love takes
design seriously and fuses influences from around the world.

Three of The Best
- Top three offers currently available to LondonNet readers:

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
- Style, sophistication and old-fashioned levels of genuine service come
together at one of the world's legendary hotels. New even better exclusive
rates for 2004, with half price deals on selected suites.

The Gore**** (Knightsbridge)
- Doubles now from only UKP 129 incl. VAT.

The Hyde Hotel *** (Paddington)
- Comfortable three star hotel offering the best value ever on LondonNet:
Just 55UKP for a double room!

- London Hotel Chart
Top Sellers (11 - 25 March 04)
1) Columbia
2) La Reserve
3) Carlton Towers


Best Value Accommodation for 2004:

Bed and Breakfasts:
Budget Hostels:


New additions and highlights from our sister site


5. NEWS: Latest news from London

Michael Turns Up Nose at Wham! Cheese
- But self-declared 'snob' ready to give show the go-ahead
'Class Envy Behind City Theft'
- PA denies theft at Goldman Sachs



- LLGFF The Belles of St Trinians Competition
This week we have two tickets to the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival screening of The Belles of St Trinians on Saturday 3 April at the NFT.


The 18th London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival (LLGFF) runs from 24 March to 7 April 2004, featuring a variety of new films from Europe, a selection of World Cinema titles and a host of shorts. Highlights of this year’s festival include some Gothic horror films, a season of films in tribute to the late director Derek Jarman and a selection on classic films, including Pat and Mike, starring Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. For more information on the Festival, visit

Another classic showing at the festival is The Belles of St Trinians, a riotous British comedy classic, with Alastir Sim, George Cole and of course, the Beeles themselves, who get caught up in a shady gamling scheme. To celebrate the 18th year of the Festival, we have two pairs of tickets to give away for a screening of The Belles of St Trinians on Saturday, 3 April 2004 at 8.30pm at National Film Theatre on the South Bank.

Question: How many years has the LLGFF been running?
Choose from: A 14 B 16 C 18

Please email the answer, along with your name, address and email, to LondonNet, with the subject heading ‘St Trinians Competition’. Closing date for entries is Thursday 1 April 2004 and winners will be notified by Friday 2 April.

All correct answers will be entered into a prize draw. The prize consists of two tickets to the LLGFF screening of The Belles of St Trinians on Saturday 3 April at the NFT.

Terms and Conditions.
Offer open to all UK residents excluding employees of the British Film Institute and London Net. To enter the competition, applicants must complete the competition application form in its entirety; including accepting these terms and conditions, and then submit their entry. Incomplete entries or those not received by the deadline will be deemed invalid. Entry to the competition is by email only. Winners will be the first correct entries to be drawn at random by an independent party on 1 April 2004. All winners will be notified by email on 2 April 2004. The prize is non-transferable and cannot be substituted for a cash alternative. Prize does not include transport to and from the cinema. Winners' details will be available at LondonNet after closing date. Only 1 entry per person. Competition ends 1 April 2004.

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do to enter is send an email with the correct
answer and subject header "The Belles of St Trinians Competition" to:
mailto:[email protected]

General rules and deadlines- see below


NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be
used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't
send you info about the prize!

RULES and INFO: First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize,
details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final.
Closing Date: 1 April 2004


LondonNet Competitions Page
- Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.

Issue 150, 11 March 2004

Vitality Show Competition
1st Prize: Poonam Lakhani, (London, WC1E)
Runners-up: Jane Harris (London SE10), Anthea O'Sullivan (London N8), Teresa
Rudd (Essex RM14), Julie Ramsden (Kent DA16), Kathy Edge (Surrey KT6)

Classic Car Competition
Winners: Raphael Sarker (London SW15), Matt Lane (London W14), John Richards
(London SW20), Susan Stone (London W5), Marlene Jackson (London E4)


7. AHOY! TALKBACK: Readers say their piece

Send mail to mailto:[email protected]
- The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons
of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness.
- We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of
course feedback about the newsletter or website.


Dear all at LondonNet.

Just a quick email to say how great your cinema listings page is. It's so incredibly simple and functional and so easy to use. It's incredibly sad but I sometimes look forward to going to the cinema to use it.

That's all


REPLY: Thanks Jim, pleased to hear you enjoy the listings service.



HOTELGENIE: Our handpicked selection of fine European hotels.

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