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AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
4 December 2003, Issue 144

LondonNet Homepage
LondonNet Homepage:

AHOY! Contents:
1. WHAT'S UP: London for Free, Offers, Attractions
2. LONDON DIARY: Scars of Modern Life
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema
4. HOTELS: London and Worldwide hotel deals
5. NEWS: Latest news from London
6. COMPETITION: - London Boat Show Compie
7. TALKBACK: The Passive Sabotage of My Cup of Tea, Welsh Metal
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1. WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet

- London Boat Show Compie
We have 40 tickets to give away for the London Boat Show which takes place at Excel between the 8th and the 18th January 2004.
- Scroll down for competition details.



COMEDY: Special Deals
- Uncanned Carrott – An Audience with Jasper Carrott @ Millenium Mayfair Hotel, Dec 18 - Save over UKP20.

- The Gore
(Hotel of the Year 2001) UKP139 double rooms (save UKP61)

Bed and Breakfast:
- Hyde from only UKP17 per person per night

- Generator from UKP9 per person per night

- Free updates of all available rooms or tenants in your area


- For the latest information and tickets for a wide range of London's premier attractions see our reqularly updated London Attractions page.
Top Sellers (21 November - 4 December 03)
1) London Eye
2) RHS Chelsea Flower Show
3) Bateaux London Restaurant Cruises
4) Tower Of London
5) The London Dungeon

STOP PRESS: 2004 London Eye tickets on sale very soon - watch this space!



HOTELGENIE: Our handpicked selection of fine European hotels.


- Scars of Modern Life


NATURE or nuture; genes or environment – one of those long-running philosophical debates that I always thought neither side could really hope to win. Until one night this week when I found myself down the pub playing darts.

There I was bemoaning my luck as the third dart in a row bounced off the wire surrounding the treble twenty to land faithfully at my feet when one of the regulars approached the oche.

I feared I was in for some old-timer advice but instead my new friend thrust his thumb and forefinger up to my eyes. “See that?” he said. “That’s a dart groove.” Sure enough, the edge of the fingerprint part of both thumb and forefinger came complete with a track that, he was about to demonstrate, made a perfect slipway for the thin metal shaft of a dart.

Cut to the barman, who lifted his arm to the light to reveal a palm moulded into the shape of the handle on the Young’s Bitter tap. Next came a veteran of the van driving fraternity who (you might want to look away at this point) lifted his polo shirt to show the imprint of a steering wheel in his otherwise perfectly spherical gut.

I saddled up and left before the bicycle courier returned from the toilet.

David Clee (mailto:[email protected])




Up and Coming for 2004
- A quick review of what to look out for next year:
Jailhouse Rock (Elvis comes to the West End stage)
Mary Poppins (based on new book by Julian Fellowes)
Billy Elliot (music by Elton John)

- Anything Goes with lyrics by Cole Porter
Trevor Nunn's Olivier award-winning production of PG Wodehouse's Anything Goes comes to the Theatre Royal Drury Lane from October.

THEATRE: Special Deals
- Happy Days @ The Arts Theatre, Top price tickets for only UKP30.
Felicity Kendall stars in Samuel Beckett's ingenious symbolist play. The endlessly chirpy Winnie doesn't let the fact that she is buried up to the neck in soil spoil her endlessly Happy Days. Armed with a mirror, toothbrush and a revolver, Winnie gives us an insight into her every thought while her monosyllabic husband Willie reads the paper and crawls around.
Top price tickets for only UKP30 (+ NO ppf)! Offer valid Monday - Thursday evening and Saturday matinee performances up to 6 December 2003.

- Uncanned Carrott – An Audience with Jasper Carrott @ Millenium Mayfair Hotel, Dec 18 - Save over UKP20.

- Theatre Tickets
Top Sellers
(21 November - 4 December 03)
1) Phantom of the Opera
2) Les Miserables
3) The Lion King
4) Tonight's The Night
5) Chicago

- Theatre: A to Z of Shows
Our guide to all the leading musicals and dramas running or soon to open in
the West End. With quick links to previews, reviews and ticket pages.



Rock and Pop

- Bubblewrap @ The Kings Head, Fulham, 2 December 2003
The run up to Christmas is a busy time for live music. It sometimes seems that there are more top shows in this period than the rest of the year put together. It's easy to forget therefore that it's a hectic time for smaller bands too. With this in mind I popped along to the Kings Head in Fulham the other evening to catch a peek at London funksters Bubblewrap.

This amiable nine piece were well worth the trip. Fronted by the assured presence of lead singer Tommo, Bubblewrap serve up a funky blues that would quickly find a home in one of the music bars on Beale Street. Pick of the night for me was their version of Stretch's Why Did You Do It, played with a devilish touch and helped along by the stirring sounds of the twin trumpet accompaniment. A blast.
(Peter D. Clee, mailto:[email protected])

- Gig Highlight:
Elton John
@ Wembley Arena
Thu, 1st July 2004, 7.30 PM
Tickets: from UKP40.00 plus fees
Hot on the heals of the massive 3 x platinum selling album Elton John Greatest Hits 1970-2002, which has sold over 1 million copies so far, Elton is back with a bang with his spectacular show featuring all of the classic hits including Your Song, Bennie and the Jets, Crocodile Rock, Rocket Man as well as the latest hits from his multi-platinum selling album Songs From The West Coast, I Want Love, This Train Don't Stop There Anymore and Ballad of the Boy In The Red Shoes.

Gig Listings
Our list of forthcoming London gigs. Plan your gigging and book your tickets

Top Sellers (21 November - 4 December 03)
1) Elton John
2) Elbow
3) Nickelback
4) Feeder
5) Basement Jaxx



- The Nutcracker
This year London sees two productions of the classic fairytale take place over the Christmas season. Matthew Bourne's interpretation will be showing at Sadlers Wells entitled Nutcracker! Meanwhile the English National Ballet will be performing a more traditional version of the classic at the Carling Apollo Hammersmith.

Top Sellers (21 November - 4 December 03)
1. Nutcracker! (Matthew Bourne)
2. The Nutcracker (ENB)
3. Giselle (Royal Ballet)
4. Carmen, (ENO)
5. Cinderella, (ENB)
- Tickets:



- Film Of The Week
Brother Bear
Family (2003) 85mins US
Director: Aaron Blaise, Robert Walker
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Jeremy Suarez, Rick Moranis
When one of his brothers is killed by a bear protecting her cubs, young hunter Kenai sets out to kill the animal in revenge. However, the spirits of the forest are angered by Kenai's actions and they transform him into the one thing he hates the most: a bear. Forced to see the world through the animal's eyes, Kenai gains new understanding of the creature's plight.

- Other New Films This Week
Bodysong (18)
The Late Twentieth (18)
S.W.A.T. (12A)
Tattoo (18)
Thirteen (18)
Timeline (12A)
La Trilogie: Apres La Vie (After Life) (15)
Wilbur (Wants To Kill Himself) (15)

- Special Previews (Limited Screenings):
Touching The Void (15)

- Listings
A to Z of London Cinemas:
A to Z of Films showing in London this week:


Best way to soak up the sights of the city as you wine and dine
- Cruises on the Thames...



- Marshall Jefferson Interview
Marshall Jefferson's contribution to the embryonic Chicago House scene in the 1980s is now celebrated with the release of Move Your Body, a compilation of influential and rare cuts of the time. LondonNet speaks to Marshall about the album's release and life as an honorary Londoner:

Take a look at our new London Club Guide:

- London Clubs Chart: Most Popular Venues
(Based on Page Visits on LondonNet, 21 November - 4 December 03)
1) Fabric
2) The End
3) The Metro Club
4) The Office Bar
5) The Gardening Club

- Club Venues and Listings




Three of The Best
- Top three offers currently available to LondonNet readers:

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
- Style, sophistication and old-fashioned levels of genuine service come together at one of the world's legendary hotels. Great rates currently available.

The Gore**** (Knightsbridge)
- Doubles now from only UKP 139 incl. VAT.

The Hyde Hotel *** (Paddington)
- Comfortable three star hotel offering the best value ever on LondonNet:
Just 55UKP for a double room!

- London Hotel Chart
Top Sellers (21 November - 4 December 03)
1) Columbia
2) Lowndes
3) Chesterfield


Best Value Accommodation for 2003:

Bed and Breakfasts:
Budget Hostels:


New additions and highlights from our sister site


5. NEWS: Latest news from London

Mick in Royal Row With Keith
- Richards: I don't want to go on stage with someone wearing a f***ing coronet
Posh Goes Head to Head With the Queen
- Beckham Christmas message takes on Her Majesty



- London Boat Show Compie
We have 40 tickets to give away for the Schroders London Boat Show which takes place at Excel between the 8th and the 18th January 2004. Please state with your entry whether you would like the chance to win 2 or 4 tickets.

2004 is the 50th anniversary of the London Boat Show. This year the event moves from Earls Court to Excel in Docklands. Savour the boats of your dreams from super yachts to dinghies to canoes. For more info on the London Boat Show see:


Question: Where is this year's London Boat Show taking place?
Tip: See above:

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do to enter is send an email with the correct answer and subject header "London Boat Show Compie" to:
mailto:[email protected]

NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't send you info about the prize!

RULES and INFO: First correct answer out of the Editor's hat wins the prize, details will be sent to the winner. The Editor's decision is final. Closing Date: 11 December 2003


LondonNet Competitions Page
- Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.


Issue 143, 20 November 2003
Milk 'N' 2 Sugars featuring Marshall Jefferson Compie:
Winner: Michaela Row (Twickenham, Middlesex)


7. AHOY! TALKBACK: Readers say their piece

Send mail to mailto:[email protected]
- The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons
of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness.
- We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of
course feedback about the newsletter or website.


Dear LondonNet,

I'm the professional - more than 20 years's KGB and CIA experience.

Diana was a CIA agent judging by her super activity in making contacts among world political and business elite. Mohammed Al-Fayed is digging in the right direction, demanding CIA files on Diana. Thanks. If you're interested I can tell you how JFK was murdered and September 11 tragedy happened - in both cases CIA used a "passive sabotage" method - you know about terrorists, you watch them and even protect them from police,etc. After the action you either terminate or arrest them - in any case you win. Nobody can prove nothing - smart,right?

Mike Kryzhanovsky,"The Professional" (Art of Politics, War & Espionage)

REPLY: Do you know who slipped two sugars into my tea this morning Mike? I normally stick to just the one, but this morning it tasted real strange. Sweet in a sugary kind of way. Saw some guy in a trenchcoat outside the office. He was mutterring something about a grassy knoll and an underpass... (Ed)
Diana Conspiracy Theories:



Dear LondonNet,

I would just like to say that the site is pretty good. However I am from Swansea and would just like a list of clubs in london that have purely metal nights, on the weekend.

I would be very greatful for your help


REPLY: You'll find your pure metal at:
At the moment it lists weekend and weekday events. We'll have a think about the practicalities of splitting it between the two, but that isn't available just yet. (Ed)



HOTELGENIE: Our handpicked selection of fine European hotels.

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