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AHOY! It's the LondonNet Newsletter...
8 August 2002, Issue 111

LondonNet Homepage
LondonNet Homepage: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/
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AHOY! Contents:

1. WHAT'S UP: London for Free, Site Updates, Budget Accomm Availability
2. LONDON DIARY: The President and the Giant Squid
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Theatre, Music, Clubs, Cinema
4. HOTELS: London and Worldwide
5. NEWS: Latest news from London
6. COMPETITION: Jongleurs Comedy Club Tickets
7. TALKBACK: What to wear at the theatre, darling

Advertising Info:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/info/advertising.html
Subscribe/Unsubscribe to Ahoy!:
- See bottom of email for link to subscribe/unsubscribe

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1. WHAT'S UP - What's new on LondonNet
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LONDON FOR FREE:
- Jongleurs Comedy Club Tickets
Jongleurs are offering a whopping 100 free tickets (50 pairs) to our readers
to any of their clubs across the UK (Subject to availability). This is one of our
biggest ever giveaways, so make sure you enter for your chance to get a
piece of the comedy action.
- Scroll down for competition details.

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SITE NEWS:

- Classical Music: Upcoming Productions
Recently revamped, this page is a useful guide to all the leading ballet,
opera and classical productions:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/classical.html

- Houses of Parliament Tours
Official tours of the Palace of Westminster, home to the House of Commons,
House of Lords and Big Ben. Tours last from now and all the way through the
summer recess until 28 September 2002.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/about/gallbigb.html

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BUDGET LONDON ACCOMMODATION:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/budget.html
This is the busiest time of year for budget accommodation and space is tight
in several of our featured properties. Here is a guide to the places with
the best availability:

Budget Hostels: St Christopher's, Generator, Atlantic Paddington, City
University
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/budget_hostels.html

Bed and Breakfasts: London House Hotel
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/bandb.html

Apartments: Great Dover Street Apartments
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/apartments.html

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SPONSOR:

GREAT VALUE FLIGHTS WITH AIR FRANCE
- Air France is the world's third largest airline, serving hundreds of
destinations across the globe. Their website features some great deals, with
return flights from London to Paris starting from a Eurostar beating 64 UKP
return. To enjoy big savings today, see:
Click Here

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2. LONDON DIARY
- The President and the Giant Squid

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WE HUMANS tip the scales at 400 million tonnes. Though that figure probably
doesn't include last night's mutton madras (with boiled rice rather than the
usual pilau since you ask), it does include all six billion people on the
planet. You would have thought every other species would be trailing in our
bulky wake.

But that is to reckon without the Giant Squid. Each of these massive
creatures from the deep weighs in at half a ton and marine scientists now
think their total mass has overtaken that of the human race. There is some
kind of squid boom going on, apparently.

I don't know about you, but I'm not prepared to sit back and let that
happen. Instead I'll sit back and eat all day. Bravely, I have been doing
that for some years already but those damn squids are still ahead of the
game.

I am not without influence, but perhaps the time has come to call on people
some would argue hold more power. Yes, George W. Bush, I mean you.
Unfortunately, Dubya is ignoring the threat of the cephalopods with doctors
pronouncing the US president to be in "extraordinary health" this week.

I fear he is making a huge blunder, not just in relation to humankind's
looming battle with Giant Squidom for planetary dominance, but also in
relation to his own personal row with Saddam Hussein.

Unaligned countries have already formed a queue as long as a gargantuan
tentacle to condemn American plans to invade Iraq and there can be little
doubt that Saddam's commendable paunch has a lot to with this. "While Bush
stays selfishly slim," they are saying in European capitals, "Hussein gorges
himself for the good of our species."

As usual, I have a plan. It will satisfy both Bush's desire to remain smugly
svelte and humanity's craving to remain free to live as we choose, even if
that means listening to Britney Spears songs. Calamari a la Giant Squid is
the way forward. It tastes great (especially when cooked in a little garlic
and olive oil), carries few calories and, if we all agree to neck platefuls
every day, eating enough of the stuff will put us back on top of the weight
league. Just as long as I don't have catch the monsters. Send in the marines
to do the job instead and there'll be a welcome bonus of no desert war.

David Clee (mailto:[email protected])

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SPONSOR:

GREAT VALUE FLIGHTS WITH AIR FRANCE
- Air France is the world's third largest airline, serving hundreds of
destinations across the globe. Their website features some great deals, with
return flights from London to Paris starting from a Eurostar beating 64 UKP
return. To enjoy big savings today, see:
Click Here

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3. ENTERTAINMENT
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THEATRE
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html

- In the spotlight
Every now and then something unexpected happens. Like discovering your
spouse is having an affair. Most people wouldn't frame their loved one's
lover for murder, but then most people don't write thrillers for a living.

Playwright Anthony Shaffer is the exception. His clever plot about a
betrayed husband concerns a man whose career penning detective novels takes
over his life. Peter Bowles plays the crafty crime writer Andrew Wyckes, who
treats his unfaithful wife and her bit on the side as unwitting players in
his real life drama. As his wife's lover sets about searching for the clues
that will convict him, Wyckes falls victim to his own game ...

And Sleuth - it's a hit. Having extended its run until February 22, the
Apollo Theatre's revival of Anthony Shaffer's clever play looks like the
shock success of the season. Despite the premature closures of expected long
runners like Betty and My One And Only, Shaffer's far-fetched thriller
continues to woo the crowds. This is one show that really must be seen to be
believed. See:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_sleuth.html

Up and Coming
125th Street, The Shaftesbury Theatre, Tottenham Court Road tube
New musical satirises the genre.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_125.html

Highlights
My Fair Lady, Drury Lane Theatre, Covent Garden tube
Theatreland says 'ello to 'enry 'iggins. More tickets now available.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_myfairlady.html

- Theatre Tickets
Top Sellers (24 July- 7 August July 02)
1) My Fair Lady
2) Bombay Dreams
3) We Will Rock You
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_tickets.html

- Theatre: A to Z of Shows
Recently revamped this page is a useful guide to all the leading musicals and
dramas running or soon to open in the West End. There are quick links to
previews, reviews and ticket pages.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre_reviews.html

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MUSIC
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/

Rock and Pop

Gig Preview
- Beth Orton, Shepherd's Bush, 27 October 2002
Arriving with the slew of solo female artists in the late 90s it was, at the
time, difficult to pick out what was special about Beth Orton. William
Orbit, Andy Weatherall and the Chemical Brothers, amongst others, in their
collaborations with the Norfolk bred Eastend girl, were in no
doubt as to what placed her above the rest.

After concentrating quietly on some very personal projects over the last few
years Beth Orton has returned with an urban-folk fuelled cracker of a third
album, Daybreaker, which, in the clear light of the new century, easily
matches the best of Central Reservation and Trailer Park. Though why she
failed to name it Motorway Services, is a mystery that is likely to remain
unsolved for many year's to come... This Sherpherd's Bush show, as part of a
wider Autumn tour, is one of the first opportunities for admirers to partake
of Beth's new live offerings.
- Book tickets now:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoppreviews.html

Gig Highlights
We've given our list of forthcoming London gigs a much needed brush up. Plan
your gigging at:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html

Top Sellers (24 July - 7 August 02)
1. Coldplay, London
2. Guns'n'Roses, London
3. Alicia Keys, London
- Tickets:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/rockpoptickets.html

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Classical
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/classical.html

The Nutcracker, English National Ballet
@ The London Coliseum
Performances: 3.00PM (Tue, Sat) 7.30 PM (Tue - Sat)
When: Tue, 3rd December 2002 to Sat, 4th January 2003
- You may have never thought of going to see a classical ballet, but now
there is one that is set to excite and thrill anyone who loves the sparkle
and colour of a traditional Christmas show...more:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/ballet.html

Top Sellers (24 July - 7 August 02)
1. The Mikado
2. The Nutcracker, English National Ballet
- Tickets:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/music/classicaltickets.html

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CINEMA
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema.html

- Film Of The Week

Eight Legged Freaks (12)
Director: Ellory Elkayem
David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Scarlett Johansson
The residents of a rural mining community are horrified when a chemical
spillage causes hundreds of harmless spiders to mutate into gigantic,
man-eating monstrosities. Suddenly under attack and fighting for their
lives, the townsfolk, led by sheriff Sam Parker and engineer Chris
McCormack, concoct a battle plan to fend off the eight-legged invaders.
(2002)
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema_new.html

- Other New Films This Week
Heaven (15)
La Spagnola (15)
The Quiet American (PG)
The Wash (15)
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/cinema_new.html

- Listings
By Cinema: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/cinema/index.html
By Film: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/films/index.html

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CLUBS
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs.html

Zoo Bar
www.zoobar.co.uk
13 Bear St., Leicester Square
Tel: 020 7839 4188
Open every day from late afternoon into the wee hours of the morning
21 years of age and over only

The only animals allowed inside the Zoo Bar are party animals. Nonetheless
this club may resemble a zoo most nights, packed with many different, umm,
species, but a genuine clubbing experience is in store at this unique venue
in the heart of London.

The music is sure to bring out the animal in you. The basement club blasts
out 70s tunes for those who either lived in this era or wish they did.
Splashy dance tunes such as the Rose Royce favourite Car Wash give a taste
of the 70s stuff laid down to to grooveyou on your way.

If you are keen on modern times, the top floor breaks out mainstream pop
songs you've come to know and love. You won't be able to get that popular
tune from Kylie Minogue out of your head (what is the song called again?),
or can I suggest jumping around to House of Pain's Jump Around? Whether you
choose to sit it out or land on the dance floor, you can't help but sing
along to the songs the house DJs spin.

In keeping with the diverse music, the people that jam-pack this club also
vary hugely, from middle aged people clothed in business suits, to those
that don't-look-a-day-older-than-21 ("What?! You want to check my ID?!")
clad in denim, to the grand pappy of them all - really, I mean the
grandfather of the oldest person in attendance. Age is only a number when
the common goal is having a good time. And at the end of the night, I'm
wagering a good time will be had by all.

If your first inclination is to shimmy up to the bar, make your way through
the front door with ease and then fight the crowd. The main bar is straight
ahead; you won't be disappointed for your effort. The drink menu boasts a
wide variety from cosmopolitan cocktails, wise wine, and biting beers sold
individually or by the jug. If you venture throughout the club you will find
two other bars downstairs.

If you can glimpse the wall decor through the masses it might surprise you
to see a piece of you looking back. Shards of broken mirror are glued up
onto the walls giving the club an overall zany feel, adding to the drunken
disarray you may already be experiencing. In the Silver Bar, stools in the
shape of upturned hands serve as rest for the weary. If you leave with
nothing else on your mind, at least you can tell your friends a firm hand
gripped your bum throughout the course of the night.
Trisha Thompson mailto:[email protected]
See also:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs-reggae-ska.html

- Club Venues and Listings
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/clubs-venues.html

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SPONSOR:

GREAT VALUE FLIGHTS WITH AIR FRANCE
- Air France is the world's third largest airline, serving hundreds of
destinations across the globe. Their website features some great deals, with
return flights from London to Paris starting from a Eurostar beating 64 UKP
return. To enjoy big savings today, see:
Click Here

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4. HOTELS
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LONDON
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html

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OPENING OFFER!
Threadneedles ***** (The City)

- To celebrate the opening we have obtained a HALF PRICE deal on all rooms,
EXCLUSIVELY for readers of LondonNet. Available for secure online booking
now at:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerthreadneedles.html

Three of The Best
- Top three offers currently available to LondonNet readers:

The Ritz***** (Piccadilly)
- Even bigger savings on your favourite deluxe 5 star London hotel. More
than 40 per cent off selected rooms/dates exclusively for LondonNet readers. See:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerritz.html

St James's Club***** (Piccadilly)
- Exclusive discounts make this our most affordable 5 star hotel. Doubles
from 135 UKP
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offerstjames.html

The Gainsborough Hotel***** (South Kensington)
- Combines the attractive style of bygone days with an easy informality. 4
nights for the price of 3, or 7 nights for the price of 5 (valid throughout
2002). See:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/offergainsborough.html

- London Hotel Chart
Top Sellers (24 July - 7 August 02)
1) Columbia
2) Hazlitts
3) Ritz
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/resources/hotel-shop.html

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WORLDWIDE
New additions and highlights from our sister site Hotelgenie.com.
http://www.hotelgenie.com/

NEW!
Sheraton Sofia Hotel Balkan *****
One of the very best hotels in Sofia, the Sheraton Hotel Balkan combines a
great location with bang up-to-date facilities, high levels of service and
no little local Bulgarian charm.
http://www.hotelgenie.com/sofia/sheraton_balkan.shtml

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BUDGET LONDON ACCOMMODATION:
Travelling on a shoestring? We have got together with some of London's best
value accommodation providers to bring you a fine selection of Hostels, Bed
and Breakfasts and Student Halls. Prices start from around 14 UKP per person
per night. Reservations can be made instantly using our secure booking
pages.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/budget.html

Budget Hostels:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/budget_hostels.html
Bed and Breakfasts:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/bandb.html
Apartments:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/accomm/apartments.html

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5. NEWS: Latest news from London

IMAX to Get More Hollywood Movies
- Deal brings big films closer to the biggest screens
Sleuth It's A Hit!
- West End gamble comes up trumps
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/news/headlines.html

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6. COMPETITIONS
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Jongleurs Comedy Club Tickets
- Everyone is a winner - All entrants to the competition will win free
membership to Jongleurs Comedy clubs".
Jongleurs are offering 100 free tickets (50 pairs) to our readers to any
of their clubs across the UK (Subject to availability).

Jongleurs Comedy Clubs: Eat - Drink - Laugh - Dance.
It's quite simple.... You turn up, you eat, you drink, you laugh your pants
off and then you dance 'till you drop. The first club was opened over 18
years ago in Battersea and we now have 13 clubs throughout the UK: Bow,
Battersea, Camden Town, Watford, Southampton, Portsmouth, Oxford,
Nottingham, Leicester, Birmingham, Manchester, Glasgow, Cardiff.
http://www.Jongleurs.com/

Question: Where was the first Jongleurs Comedy Club launched?
Tip:
The clue is in the text above

HOW TO ENTER: All you have to do to enter is send an email with the correct
answer and subject header "Jongleurs Compie" to:
mailto:[email protected]
NB Include email, telephone number and postal address (which will only be
used for this compie-guaranteed). If you don't include your details we can't
send you info about the prize!

RULES and INFO: First correct answers out of the Editor's hat win the
prize, details will be sent to the winners. The Editor's decision is final.
Closing Date: 10 August 2002

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NEW! Competitions Page
- Details of some of the best free competition sites on the web. Register
today for your chance to win cash, cars and lots, lots more.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/competitions.html

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WINNERS:
Issue 110, 24 July 2002
- Mystery Club Compie (A pair of tickets for Club Fantastic):
Alain Donarty (Notting Hill, London)

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7. AHOY! TALKBACK: Readers say their piece

AHOY! Readers say their piece: Send mail to [email protected]
Notes: The Editor reserves the right to amend your contributions for reasons
of elegance, space, legality and plain sheer bloodymindedness. The following
letters have been received direct here at Ahoy! Talkback or on our News
Talkback forum. Join the diverse debate by sending us an email or posting a
message on the forum: http://talkback.londonnet.co.uk/
We welcome your views on any subject, questions about your visit and of
course feedback about the newsletter or website.

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Dear LondonNet,

I am coming to London this week and plan to go the the theatre, what is the
dress code, male and female? Cracking website by the way! Many thanks,

James Ewles

Ed: There is no dress code as such. However, most people prefer to wear
smart or smart casual clothes. Please bear in mind that most older theatres
are not air-conditioned and can get very hot, particularly in the summer. So
our advice is be fairly smart so that you don't feel out of place, but if
possible wear lighter clothes.
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/out/ent/theatre.html

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SPONSOR:

GREAT VALUE FLIGHTS WITH AIR FRANCE
- Air France is the world's third largest airline, serving hundreds of
destinations across the globe. Their website features some great deals, with
return flights from London to Paris starting from a Eurostar beating 64 UKP
return. To enjoy big savings today, see:
Click Here

=================================================================

- Sponsorship of AHOY!
If you want targeted hits for your website, why not sponsor an issue of
AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter. For info mail us at:
[email protected] or visit:
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/talk/info/advertising.html

For details of cost effective banner advertising on LondonNet please email:
mailto:[email protected]

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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Copyright 1996-2002. AHOY! The LondonNet Newsletter is published by Adonis.
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole,
or in part, without the express written consent of the publisher.

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